


Journeys

by GreyHaven, YumeArashi



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Happy families, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, mostly fluff tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-10-29 17:16:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 46,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17812133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyHaven/pseuds/GreyHaven, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: Loosely based onthis Tumblr postAn airport AU with Nathan as a security guard and Duke as a drunk passenger who's trying to make an important journey.  When Nathan offers to help him, he doesn't expect his life to change forever.  We have a road trip, a single hotel room (there's only one bed!), angst, fluff, smut and Duke trying to be a good dad.  The rest you'll have to wait and see :)Updates coming once a week.





	1. Chapter 1

"Sir.  Sir," Nathan said patiently.  "As I've explained already, you're not allowed to bring it through security.  All liquids must be in containers of two ounces or less, and in clear ziploc bags.  That's a bottle of whiskey, and there is a lot more than two ounces left in there."

He was right. He was definitely right. There _was_ a lot more than two ounces left in the bottle that had been mostly full an hour ago. Duke clutched the smooth glass defensively. He _hated_ flying. He especially hated flying when it involved going places he didn't want to go because his pain in the ass ex wife was being….well, a pain in the ass.

Actually, Duke thought that might have been understating it slightly but whatever. He hated flying so he'd opened a bottle of whiskey and now a wannabe cop was trying to tell him he couldn't keep it with him so he glared at him while he tried to find a valid argument as to why he should be allowed to keep it, failed to come up with anything even remotely plausible, and resorted to the next best solution. Maintaining eye contact the whole time, he unscrewed the cap, tipped the bottle to his lips and drank nearly all of it in one go, leaving what he estimated to be two ounces in the bottle.

He wiped the back of his hand across his lips and waved the now mostly empty bottle in front of the security guards face. “Better?”

Nathan's expression was pained.  "No, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come with me."

“Not happening. I need to get my flight.”

"I'm sorry, but this isn't a choice."

“What do you mean this isn't a choice? Flight's booked and paid for, I'm not carrying anything I can't take on board,” Duke said, finally putting the bottle of whiskey down.

"It's still an open bottle of alcohol, it's still a glass bottle, it's still not in a quart-sized clear resealable bag, and additionally you're in no condition to fly.  You can come with me or I can call security. Your choice."

“You _are_ security and I just put the bottle down and I don’t see why I’m not in a condition to fly.”

"I'm the nice security, the kind that asks - which I'm doing for the last time.  You don't want me to call for backup, because they're the guys with the AR-15s and the angry German Shepherds.  Now, will you come with me or am I calling them?"

“I - ok, no, I’d rather you didn’t call them.  Look...officer...is that what I’m meant to call you?  Anyway. Dude, look, I’ll leave you the bottle of whiskey and -” Duke rummaged through his wallet and came up with a crumpled dollar bill which he waved in Nathan’s general direction before he thought better of it and stuffed it back into his wallet “- never mind.  I’ll leave you the bottle of whiskey, just _please_ let me on that flight.”

Nathan's expression softened minutely at Duke's obvious desperation, but all he said was, "Please come with me," as he set a hand on Duke's shoulder and escorted him out of the security area and into one of the service corridors of the airport.

Deciding that getting into a physical fight in the middle of an airport with armed security guards wouldn’t be his brightest move, Duke allowed himself to be led into the corridor.

"I'm sorry about this," Nathan apologized as he led Duke through the corridors.  "But I can't let you on a plane in that condition. I'll overlook the rest - though for future reference, don't _ever_ attempt to bribe a TSA employee, not unless you want Homeland Security investigating every last little aspect of your life with a fine-toothed comb and then probably throwing you in a nameless hole from now until eternity."

“So I guess offering sexual favours isn’t going to get me on that flight either.”

Nathan gave him a look.  "The only way you're getting on that flight is if you can magically drop your blood alcohol content to zero, and since we both know that's not happening, you may as well give it a rest.  You'll just have to catch a later flight if you can't dry out by this one - which is not looking good, given your little performance back there."

Duke slumped against the nearest wall.  “I can’t get a later flight. Look, you and I both know my blood alcohol doesn’t have to be zero, I just have to be not obviously drunk, which I’m not.  Obviously, I mean. I’m probably drunk. In fact, I was probably drunk before I drank most of that bottle. But not obviously.”

"It's not about being drunk, it's about the likelihood of you getting alcohol poisoning at thirty thousand feet in the air and dying for lack of proper medical facilities.  Which is why you're going to our infirmary and not our drunk tank."

“...I’ll risk alcohol poisoning and dying, I just...I need to get there.”

"I'm sorry, I can't let you do that." Nathan opened the door to the infirmary and ushered Duke inside.

“You don’t understand,” Duke said.  His lips and tongue weren’t completely cooperating with his attempts at speaking and he enunciated as carefully as he could.  

Nathan sighed.  "You're right, I can barely understand you.  Do you think you could vomit some of that out?"

“And waste good whiskey?”

"Yes.  Because it is poisoning you."

“...’s less than a bottle...won’t hurt me…”

"Lie down.  On your left side," Nathan said sternly, placing a basin at the side of the bed.

Duke briefly considered arguing some more but the room was starting to lurch so he groaned and flopped down onto the bed with his arm thrown across his eyes.

"The real irony here is that if you'd surrendered the bottle instead of downing it then I'd have let you through."

“Rub it in, why don’t you?”

"You were the one who chose to be an ass about it," Nathan pointed out.

“Like I said, rub it in, why don’t you?  Not like I don’t _know_ I’m an ass.  Not like I don’t _know_ how much I’ve fucked my life up and how I’m going to lose the one thing I have left because _yet again,_ I was a dick.  Just another thing to add to the list of ways Duke Has Fucked Up.  Only this time it’s serious.”

Nathan sighed.  "Look, what was so important that you had to get to anyhow?"

“Doesn’t matter, not gonna make a difference, is it?”

"Then why not tell me?"

“Because why would you give a shit anyway?”

"Told you, I'm the nice guy.  Besides, I have to stay here and keep an eye on you anyhow, so we might as well talk."

“My daughter,” Duke said abruptly.  “Or, more specifically, my _ex wife_ who rearranged the court dates for the custody hearing and no one thought to tell me.   _Apparently_ there was a letter but if there was, it didn’t get to me.  Hearing’s at ten tomorrow morning and now she’s going to get her wish and make me look like a deadbeat dad so she can claim sole custody.”

"I'm sorry," Nathan said quietly, with genuine sympathy.

“I can leave, right?  I know you can’t let me on a flight, but I’m not being detained?”

"That...that's true, but where would you go?  The only place you should be right now is a hospital."

“Could try and hitch a ride, see if there’re any trucks going in the right direction.”

"I'm not letting you out of here to hitchhike while still alcohol poisoned."

“I’m drunk, not alcohol poisoned, do you have _any idea_ how much I drink on a very regular basis, trust me, this is nowhere near alcohol poisoning.”

"That's terrifying."

Duke let out a bitter laugh.  “Yeah. It is.”

"Look.  If you want to be a dad to your kid, you can't do this.  You gotta step up and be there for them, not the bottle," Nathan said quietly.

“You think I don’t know that?”

"But you haven't done it."

“Stop fucking judging me,” Duke said, struggling back up to a sitting position.  “I wasn’t drinking - at least beyond a couple beers or a glass of whiskey here and there, normal drinking - when they were living with me, only since _that bitch_ stole my daughter, moved to another state and refused to let me see her.”

Nathan put a hand on Duke's shoulder, gently but firmly pushing him back down.  "So if you get your daughter back, you'll stop?"

“The very second I hear the words ‘joint custody’.”

"And the second I let you go, you'll do whatever it takes, even insanely dangerous and stupid things, to try to get there?"

“My life isn’t...I’m nothing without her so yeah, I’ll do anything it takes.”

"Where exactly is this?  I know you were flying into Atlantic City, but where specifically?"

“Courthouse is on Bacharach Boulevard, about five minutes off the expressway.”

"Okay, so actual Atlantic City, not one of the outlying towns."  Nathan thought for a minute, then sighed. "I tell you what. If you stay here until the worst of this passes, I'll drive you down there.  If we drive through the night we can get there by ten."

“You- You’d do that?”

"You'd probably end up dead in a ditch somewhere if I didn't, I can't in good conscience let you out of here to keel over from alcohol poisoning or get robbed and murdered on the side of a highway somewhere."

Duke stared at him for a full minute, his mouth hanging slightly open.  “Thanks,” he said eventually, in a very small voice.

"But you have to stay here until the worst of this is over - and I mean no more arguing and backtalk and uncooperativeness, you lie down and behave.  I pick the music, you pay for coffee and gas, and once you sober up you take your fair share of the driving. Those are the terms."

“Completely fair,” Duke said quickly, lying back down.

Nathan drew the thin blanket over him.  "Oh, and if you're going to vomit, do it _before_ we set out."

“I...will absolutely make sure I do that.”

"If you puke in my truck I will be very unhappy."

“I promise I won’t puke in your truck.”

"Good.  You're cleaning it up if you do."

“I won’t.  If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll make sure I throw up before I go anywhere near your truck.”

"Kind of expecting that anyhow," Nathan remarked.  "Get some rest, if you can."

Duke nodded and settled down.  He was just starting to close his eyes when a sudden thought occurred to him.  “Hey, what’s your name?”

"Nathan.  And you're Seymour."

“Don’t remind me,” Duke muttered.  “Duke. Call me Duke. Please.”

"Fair enough, I wouldn't want to go by Seymour either.  So, Duke then."

“Pretty sure my parents were high when they gave me that name.”

"Parents don't have to be high to give their kids crappy names, walk into any maternity ward or preschool and you'll see that."

“...You didn’t know my parents.”

"Not the best?" Nathan asked sympathetically.

“Nope.”

"Sorry to hear it."

“Thanks.”

"Get some rest.  I'll stick around." Nathan pulled out his phone to begin planning the trip.

“Thanks Nathan,” Duke said, finally closing his eyes.

Nathan quietly sighed in relief as Duke settled down.

Half an hour later, Duke was throwing up into the basin Nathan had put beside the bed and trying very very hard not to laugh about it.

"Don't laugh while you vomit, for god's sake," Nathan said incredulously while holding Duke's hair back.  "You'll inhale at the wrong time and choke on your own puke, is that what you want?"

“Sorry, sorry,” Duke said, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, the fits of laughter slowly trailing off.  “It’s just...is this what my life’s come to? Puking in an airport infirmary while a security guard holds my hair back?”

"Apparently.  But you're gonna pull it together and be a great dad, remember?"

“Yeah,” Duke said softly.  “Yeah, I am. Wanna see a pic?”

"Definitely." Nathan smiled.

Duke pulled his phone out of his pocket and brought up his favourite picture.  It wasn’t a remarkable photo, by any means, just a snapshot of him booping a small white teddy bear against Jean’s nose while she grinned and tried to grab hold of it.  She’d refused to go anywhere without that bear for weeks afterwards and Duke couldn’t help wondering if Evi had kept it or if she’d been cruel enough to rip it out of Jean’s hands just because he’d bought it for her.  The photo was bittersweet. It was one of the last pictures Duke had of him and Jean together - one of the last pictures he had of Jean full stop because Evi had left two months later - and had been taken over a year before.

"Awww, she's adorable," Nathan cooed, melting.  "What a widdle cutesy-boopsie."

Duke laughed softly.  “Yeah, she is.”

"Tell me about her?" Nathan smiled.

Duke’s face fell and he shrugged.  “I can’t. Evi hasn’t let me see her for a year.  No idea what she’s like now.”

"I'm so sorry," Nathan said quietly, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

“Thanks,” Duke said, leaning into Nathan’s contact, just slightly.

"You'll get to see her again in the morning.  You got a suit to change into for the hearing?"

“...Assuming my bags were taken off the plane, yes I do.”

"They were.  Automatically happens when someone's pulled at security, their bags get pulled too, for extra screening.  I'll have someone bring them up here once you're feeling well enough to go."

Duke nodded. “I'm feeling pretty good, could just use a bottle of water and ten minutes to meditate.”

Nathan blinked.  "Meditate?"

“Yeah. You know, sit quietly and breathe, clear your thoughts. Meditate.”

"I know what it is, I just...why?  I mean, why here and now? That's not going to clear alcohol from your system or anything."

“No but it'll help to stop me wanting to drink more.”

Nathan sighed and handed Duke a bottle of water from the infirmary's fridge.  "Meditate and think of your daughter. I'll get your luggage brought up."

“Thanks.” Duke took a long sip of water and sat on the floor, cross legged, to meditate.

Nathan stepped out into the hall to radio for Duke's luggage, wondering what the hell he thought he was doing.

After a few minutes, Duke got up, still slightly woozy from the alcohol but much more clear headed than he had been. “Ok,” he said when he found Nathan in the hall. “I'm good to go.”

Nathan checked his watch - it had been a while, enough that the worst should be fading.  “All right. I'll walk you back to the public part of the airport, you wait there while I clock out and get my things.  Won't take long," he announced.

“Ok. Thanks.”

Nathan was as good as his word, even helping Duke with his luggage and finding him an armchair to settle into for the wait.  He came back shortly after, having changed from his uniform into jeans and a flannel shirt with a heavy jacket over it. "Good to go," he told Duke.

Duke immediately jumped to his feet. “You sure about this?”

"Honestly?  No. But I'm still pretty sure you'll go do something idiotic and dangerous to try to get to Atlantic City, so road trip it is."  He led the way to the airport's shuttle busses, greeting the driver, who dropped them off by an old blue Bronco.

“Nice truck,” Duke said, grinning.

"It is.  You can see why I wanted to make sure you'd treat her right."

“I will,” Duke promised. “Believe it or not, I'm actually not completely feral.”

"I know that, I also know that people don't really have a choice when it comes to when and where they vomit."

“Fair. I promise I won't throw up in your truck, Nathan. Or do anything else that might cause damage or mess.”

Nathan nodded and swung up into the driver's seat, unlocking the passenger door for Duke.  "Make yourself at home."

Duke climbed in. “Want to stop and pick up something to eat before we head off?”

"Good plan, if you're feeling up to it.  Will help absorb the alcohol for you, and I'm starving."

“Which route were you planning on taking out of town?”

“Route one.  Quickest way to the interstate.  Gonna have to stop for gas too. And coffee.  I work enough nights to do this, but not after a sixteen hour double."

“Fuck, Nathan. You shouldn't be doing this at all. Look, just drop me at the train station, I promise I won't do anything stupid.”

"There's not gonna be any trains running at this time of night.  You'd be lucky to find a Greyhound bus, and those are hell on wheels."

Duke groaned. “Yeah, and wouldn't get me there in time.”

Nathan nodded.  "So, road trip it is."

“Thank you,” Duke said quietly.

"Not like I was doing anything else.  You need anything else before we get out of town?"

“You really got the spare time to do this?”

"Got the week off.  Vacation time about to expire, can't carry it over.  Boss insisted I need a break for mental well being or some such crap."

“I mean, it's a valid point, you can't work yourself into the ground.”

Nathan shrugged.  "Not like I got anything better to do."

“No? No hobbies, just work?”

Nathan shrugged again.  "Nothing worth mentioning."

“Fair enough. You still need down time though.”

"If you say so."

“I do.”

"All right.  Fast food burgers okay for dinner?"

“Yeah, anything's good with me.”

"I know it's not great, but it's quick at least.  We can grab the burgers, grab coffee, grab some snacks, grab gas, and get gone."

“Yeah, no, it's a good plan.”

"And yet you don't sound enthused.  You have a better plan?"

“No, I really don't. Not without a twenty minute detour, anyway.”

"We can't really afford that.  It's long drive to Atlantic City and I don't have to tell you that time matters."

“Which is why I said I didn't have a better plan.”

"We could wait and see if we see something better along the way."

“You said you were hungry, you need coffee and gas... we're stopping at the first place we get to.”

Nathan checked the gas tank.  "Could make it at least as far as Boston on what's in the tank."

“But not without food and coffee.”

"Few more hours won't kill me."

“Nathan, we're stopping. I need food to sober up so I can share the driving.”

"Okay, fair point.  Forgot you needed food too.  Sorry."

“Don't be. Are you always so… Do you always put your needs last?”

"It's not a big deal, I'd have been fine.  There's a Burger King next to a Dunkies out by the turn onto route one, and a gas station across the street.  If I drop you off can you get the food and coffee while I gas up?"

“No problem, just let me know what you want.”

"Just a regular big mac or whatever is fine.  And maybe one of those big 'Box o' Joe' gallon coffee things, gonna need a lot over the course of the night."

“...I don't think Burger King do big macs but fine, I'll get you something. And a lot of coffee. Need to sort out gas money for you too.”

“I know they don't but hell if I know what they're called," Nathan looked amused.  "Whatever their equivalent of a big mac is, that better? Far as gas goes, if you've got cash I'll give you the receipt after."

“...I'll get some cash.”

"You gonna be okay with this?" Nathan couldn't help asking.

“Yeah, fine, just need to go to an ATM.”

"Pretty sure there's one in the gas station."

“Easy then, I'll pick up food and coffee, you can let me know how much the gas was and I'll get you the cash before we go.”

"Fair enough.  You can get whatever car snacks you want while you're in there, and soda if you don't want coffee."

“I will pick up car snacks and soda,” Duke said, smiling.

Nathan nodded.  "Hope you like classic rock, that'll be the music.  I might keep it cold to stay awake, but there's a blanket in the back if you need it.  In fact if you need to stretch out back there and sleep this off some more, there's room for it."

“Might actually do that, sober up faster.”

"Fair enough.  Just get something in your stomach first, yeah?"

“Yeah, I will. Why do you care so much, anyway?”

Nathan was quiet for a long moment before admitting, "Kids belong with the parent who's best for them."

Duke stared at him. “You really think I'm best for her?”

"Duke, you were willing to do everything from bribe a TSA officer to risk life and limb hitchhiking to Atlantic City.  Anyone who wants to be there for their kid that badly, who's willing to go through so much and give up so much to do it, they're not going to be a crappy parent."

“I'm not so sure about that,” Duke said quietly.

"Shitty parents don't have doubts about whether they're shitty parents.  If you care enough to worry about it, that means you want to be doing it right.  No parent is perfect. But the fact that you want to be a good parent, that's half the battle."

Duke nodded as Nathan pulled up outside the Burger King. “Yeah. Maybe. I'll grab the food, see you in a few.”

Nathan nodded and waited for him to hop out before heading to the gas station across the street.

A few minutes later, Duke was back, carrying a bag filled with road trip snacks and sodas, another bag with a couple of burgers and fries, and two large coffees as well as a box o' Joe, all of which he deposited (neatly) in the truck. “How much was gas?”

Nathan handed over the receipt, trading it for the burger, which he tore into ravenously.  "Got everything you wanted?" he asked, rather indistinctly.

“Yeah,” Duke said. “Lemme just…” He went over to the ATM, got his pin right at the second attempt, tried not to wince at the state of his bank balance, and took out enough cash to cover this tank of gas as well as enough for the next one. He handed Nathan the wad of cash when he got back into the truck.

"This is more than it cost," Nathan pointed out.

“Yeah, saves me getting cash for the next one as well. Guessing this old girl eats through the gas pretty fast.”

"Yeah." Nathan grimaced.  "Smart, if you're asleep when I have to stop, I won't need to wake you."  He set the empty burger wrapper down, placing his fries next to him where he could eat as he drove.

Duke nodded, nibbling at his burger and trying not to grimace at how terrible it was.

Nathan glanced over.  "Look, I know these are shit.  When you see a better place along the way and you'd rather go there, let me know and we'll stop.  Anything that won't take too long and isn't too far out of the way is fair game. One of those 'fast casual' places or something.  Fair?"

“Fair,” Duke agreed, forcing himself to eat anyway, in the hope it would help him sober up.

"The fries might be a better bet.  Hard to screw up fries."

“You'd be surprised. Had this chef working for me once and I have no idea how he managed it but he was literally incapable of cooking fries.”

"....You just chop potatoes and dunk them in boiling oil.  What did he do, burn the crap out of them?"

“I fired him before I could figure out what he was getting wrong. The rest of his food wasn't much better and he was harassing some of the female members of staff. I'm all for giving people a chance but that…? No. That shit doesn't fly with me.”

"Good for you.  A man can learn to cook but he'll never learn to not feel entitled to women's bodies and attention.  He's probably a dawning rapist somewhere."

Duke nodded. “Probably. Hope I kicked his ass enough for him to reconsider his attitude but….who knows?”

"Guys like that never reform." Nathan snorted.  "Dealt with enough of them to know."

“Guess you meet all sorts coming through security.”

"Like you wouldn't believe.  Mostly decent folks just off on vacations or business trips, but the bad ones really stick in your mind."

“I can imagine…”

"But you don't want to hear about my work, I'd imagine.  Boring stuff. Guessing if you had a chef working for you, you're a restaurant owner?"

“Can't be that boring if you have to deal with idiots like me on a daily basis,” Duke said. “Bar owner. Yeah, I know, great occupation for someone with a drinking problem.”

"Wouldn't have said it were ideal, no," Nathan said warily.

“Definitely not ideal. Belonged to a friend's family and after his parents died, followed not long after by his brother, he pretty much gave it to me. Couldn't really say no, can't sell it on. It's fine, most of the time, just been the past year that it's been a problem.”

"Hopefully having your daughter will give you something better to focus on."

“It will. It really will.”

"You'll be a great dad.  You want to be, you're willing to put in the effort."

“Thanks, Nathan,” Duke said softly. “I didn't exactly have the greatest role models in the parenting department and I just...I want to do better by Jean, y'know?”

"Yeah.  You will.  Least your parents taught you what not to to.  That's something."

“She deserves better than I got, that's for sure,” Duke said quietly.

"No kid deserves that.  Every child deserves a good home, parents who love and take care of them."

“Yeah, they do.”

"That could have been me," Nathan found himself saying.  Somehow the dark car, not having to look Duke in the face, made it easier to talk.  "I was lucky. He ended up in jail, and a good man married my mom and took me in."

“That's good. I mean, I'm sorry you had to go through that in the first place but I'm really pleased it worked out that way.”

"Thanks," Nathan said quietly.

“God, we need some happier conversation. Wanna turn the music up, rock out a bit?”

"Sure," Nathan agreed, connecting his phone to the car stereo and starting his playlist.

Duke made a delighted sound. “Tune!” he almost shouted, turning the volume up.

Nathan chuckled at Duke's enthusiasm.

“Taught me how to walk this way, walk this way.” Duke happily sang along.

Nathan grinned, though he didn't sing along as well.

“Oh c'mon, at least nod your head a little, man, get into the groove, look, next chorus coming up…”

Nathan smirked, but at least nodded along to the rhythm.

“See? Much better. What else you got on this playlist?”

"Def Leppard, AC/DC, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Guns N' Roses, so on."

Duke grinned. “Good taste.”

"Thanks." Nathan smiled.  "Nothing like the classics."

“Can't beat 'em.”

Nathan leaned back in his seat as they turned onto the freeway, taking a drink of his coffee and settling in for the long miles ahead.

“So you don't strike me as the most talkative guy, would you rather I just sit here quietly?”

"Don't mind you talking.  Good company, plus it'll help me stay awake.  Just don't be mad if I'm not as talkative. And don't feel you have to if you'd rather try to get some sleep."

“Why would I be mad?” Duke gave him a strange look.

"Some people get offended." Nathan shrugged.  "Think you don't care or aren't listening, aren't putting any effort in or are hiding something."

“Some people are assholes. Quiet is fine with me.”

"Thanks," Nathan looked relieved.

“Thanks for doing this. Know you said you didn't have anything better to do but still. It, uh...it kinda feels like the only thing that's gone right for me in the past twelve months.”

"Couldn't let you get yourself killed trying to get down there."

“You didn't have to do all this though.”

"Yeah….don't really know why I am, be honest.  Guess just going home didn't seem appealing."

“No one waiting for you at home?”

Nathan shook his head.

“What do you do with yourself when you're not at work? Books? Movies? Sports? Ballroom dancing?”

Nathan smiled a little.  "My schedule's pretty irregular, so honestly most times I get off work, I just go home, get something in my stomach, and get what sleep I can, because odds are I'll need to report back in after that."

“Sounds pretty tough, long hours, not much down time.”

Nathan shrugged.  "Someone's gotta do it.  Actual terrorists are rare as hell, but there's all kinds of other shady stuff.  People trying to smuggle shit onto planes, usually stolen goods, sometimes even live animals.  People trying to escape the law. Tons of drugs."

“Get the feeling you're passionate about it. Or at least the people you can protect by doing it.”

"Yeah.  Always wanted to save people." Nathan looked sad.  

“In a different way to how you do now, you mean?”

"Something like that," Nathan mumbled.

“Ok,” Duke said slowly. “Things didn't quite work out how you hoped, huh?”

"No.  I mean, life seldom does turn out how we plan.  So I guess I have plenty of company…"

“Yeah, you do,” Duke said.  He paused for a moment, then asked “so what was the plan that didn't work out?”

"Wanted to be a doctor," Nathan said quietly.  "Couldn't hack med school. Knew enough to keep an eye on you and decide whether you needed to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning or just wait it out, but...just wasn't good enough."

“No such thing as not good enough, just that people fit into different places, or suit different learning styles. Not everyone fits into the neat little box that the education system wants us to.”

Nathan shook his head.  "Nice of you to say, but sometimes a person's just too stupid to learn something, and that was the case with me.  Smart enough to be airport security, not smart enough to be a doctor."

“I've met a lot of stupid people and trust me, you're not one of them.”

Nathan looked over and gave him a small, sad smile.  "You're a kind man. You'll be a great dad."

“Thanks but I'm not being kind, just honest.”

Nathan shrugged, not believing him.

“I'm not. How does that saying go? If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it'll spend its whole life believing it's stupid. There's different types of intelligence, there's learning difficulties, mental health difficulties, any number of reasons you might not have succeeded at med school. None of which are your fault, you were just expected to fit into the box.”

"Does it matter?" Nathan asked quietly.    "A fish might not be stupid because it can't climb a tree, but it's still never going to build a treehouse."

“Yeah, it matters. Because with the right support, like, I dunno, if we're sticking with the fish analogy, some sort of land suit and mechanical limbs, it could build that treehouse.”

Nathan chuckled.  "That's quite a mental image."

Duke laughed. “Yeah, it is, but you see my point.”

"I see your point, I just...don't know if it would ever matter for me."

“Well it definitely won't if you don't consider the possibility that you aren't stupid…”

"It's just a matter of practicality.  Even if I was diagnosed with a learning disability and got some kind of learning disability scholarship, how am I going to go back to medical school when I work full time?"

“...Ok, you got me there. But at least stop telling yourself you're stupid.”

Nathan gave him a curious look. "Why would you care whether I think I'm stupid?"

“Because you're really hard on yourself and you shouldn't be.”

"Yeah, but I'm just some guy giving you a lift."

“Nah, you held my hair while I puked. I'm officially classing you as a friend now.”

Nathan chuckled.  "Should wear a hair tie when you drink."

“If tomorrow goes well, it won't be an issue because I won't be drinking again. If it doesn't, I think a bit of puke in my hair's going to be the least of my worries.”

"I hope that they won't completely shut you out, even if they don't give you an even split."

“I'd be happy with holidays and every third weekend. Just want to be a part of her life, not some...not some nameless sperm donor she never wants to see.”

"I know.  You want to be her dad.  I hope you get that."

“So do I,” Duke said quietly.

"We can at least get you there on time, looking respectable to boot."

Duke nodded. “Could probably use a stop somewhere with a shower…”

Nathan nodded.  "There'll be truck stops.  We can stop in when we get close."

“Yeah. Thanks. You ok if I nap for a bit?”

"Yeah.  I'll wake you if I need you to drive."

Duke nodded. “I'm a pretty light sleeper, probably best to say my name rather than touch me to wake me up.”

"Noted." Nathan nodded, turning the music down.  "Need me to pull over so you can get in back, or have you got it?"

“I've got it,” Duke said, nimbly hopping over the seats into the back of the Bronco. “Sure you'll be ok? I can stay up and talk your ears off if that'd be better?”

"I'm good.  Got plenty coffee, got something in my stomach, and I can put my earbuds in if I need to crank the tunes.  More important for you to sleep it off."

“You're amazing,” Duke said softly, ruffling Nathan's hair before curling up under the blanket to nap.

Nathan blinked, then blushed at the touch.

Feeling that finally things _might_ just be ok, that he had someone who was on his side for the first time in a very long time, Duke fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys continue their road trip. They need to stop at a hotel overnight and *gasp* there's only one room left and when they arrive *gasp* there's only one bed!

A few hours later, Duke blinked awake. “Where are we?” he mumbled.

"Just outside New York City.  Traffic’s not so bad at this hour," Nathan joked in a deadpan.

“What time's it?”

"Just after midnight."

“Got, what? Three hours or so driving left?”

"Probably about that.  We're on the north side of the city now.  How're you feeling?"

“Fine. Made good time, want to stop off somewhere? Crash for a couple hours?”

"Better to get there first and rest after.  You hungry? Be a good place to keep an eye out for food.  We could afford that much of a break."

“Yeah, good thinking. Any coffee left?” Duke said, climbing back in the front and buckling his seatbelt again.

"Yeah, good bit left in the box.  Let me know when you see a place you want to stop."  The front seat was a bit untidy by this point, the half-full box keeping company with the snacks Nathan had clearly been into.

“I picked good snacks, then?” Duke grinned, having a quick tidy up so he could get to the box of coffee.

"You did," Nathan agreed.  "Starting to feel the need for something more solid again, though."

“Not surprising. You ok? You look pretty wrecked,” Duke said as they passed through a well lit section.

"Just tired.  Be fine once I get some food in me.  Refill my coffee, would you?"

“Need me to drive for a while after we stop for food?” Duke said, pouring the rest of the box of coffee into the two cups.

"Might not be a bad idea." Nathan grimaced.  "Take good care of her, would you?"

“Of course,” Duke said softly. “Any little quirks she has that I need to know about?”

"Probably, but to be honest I've been driving her so long I don't even notice them."

“Ok, well look, my truck is old too, had her for twelve years and she wasn't a young lady when I bought her. And my ship...well she's a great big hulk of rust held together with some damn good welding and a hell of a lot of prayers. I take care of both of them and I'll look after your baby just the same way as I do mine.”

"Thanks, Duke," Nathan said softly.  "Means a lot to me. Got this girl when I was nineteen, when she meant freedom and possibility and adulthood.  Had her ever since, and she means more to me than most people would ever say a machine ought to."

Duke smiled softly. “Got the Cape Rouge when I was twenty one and yeah, freedom and opportunity and home. She's still home now. So I get it and your girl will be in safe hands.”

"Thanks." Nathan smiled, a rare expression on his stern face.  "Cape Rouge your boat?"

“Yeah, big old cargo ship. We've seen some sights together.”

"You turned a cargo ship into a houseboat?" Nathan asked, amused.

“Kinda, used to move a lot of cargo and wanted to be comfortable while I was doing it. Then I settled in one place, turned a lot of the storage rooms into living space… She's not just a houseboat, she'll still cross the Atlantic if I need her to.”

"She sounds pretty amazing," Nathan told him.

“She's a good ship. Want to pull in over there?” Duke said, pointing out a small diner.

"Got it," Nathan agreed, signaling his exit and making his way toward the 24-hour diner.

Duke stretched. “Eating in or want me to grab takeout?”

"Eating in.  Could do with a bit of time out of the car," Nathan decided, likewise stretching. His shirt rode up and exposed a tiny sliver of skin at his waist.

Duke stared for a moment before he was able to drag his eyes away. “Good call,” he said quickly, hoping Nathan hadn't noticed him staring.

He was in luck - Nathan hadn't.  Yawning hugely, he headed for the door.

“What're you having?” Duke said when they got inside.

"Think I'm in the mood for a midnight breakfast.  You?"

“Yeah, I could go for some waffles.”

Nathan snorted.  "Waffles are just pancakes trying to be fancy."

“Oh,  _ oh,  _ you did not just say that.” Duke laughed. “No, Nathan, no, you do not  _ diss  _ the waffles.”

Nathan grinned.  "I'll diss waffles all day long, they're a completely inferior breakfast compared to pancakes and everyone knows it."

“Ok, right, look, I love pancakes, I do, but waffles… waffles have all the dips that hold extra maple syrup. Pancakes, it just runs off the top.”

"Not if they're made right.  Properly made pancakes absorb the syrup.  And butter. And whatever else," Nathan retorted.

“Yeah, and then they turn soggy whereas waffles stay crisp…”

"With puddles of pure syrup each time you take a bite.  Bleck."

Duke laughed. “Shall we just agree to disagree on this?”

"Fair enough.  You can have your inferior breakfast, and I'll have my superior one." Nathan smirked.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Duke grinned.

"Will do, thanks," Nathan said.  The diner had a sign 'please sit anywhere' so he folded himself into a booth near the warm kitchen.

Duke threw himself into the booth opposite Nathan, somehow managing to look like he'd never sat in a booth before in his life, all arms and legs and sharp angles.

"Make yourself comfortable why don't you." Nathan looked amused.

Duke laughed and rearranged himself into a more sensible sitting position. “Sorry, forgot I was in polite company.”

"I don't care, but that sure didn't look comfortable."

“Chairs and I have a complicated relationship.”

"...I see.  That's quite an accomplishment."

“Yeah.” Duke grinned.

The waitress came by and Nathan ordered two coffees to start them off.

“Sure you don't want decaf? If I'm driving, it'd give you a better chance of sleeping…”

"Fair point." Nathan gave the waitress an apologetic look - she shrugged and headed back to the kitchen.  "Though at this point with five cups in me, I'm not sure I'm sleeping ever again. Speaking of which, I need to go, uh, wash my hands.  Be right back."

Duke nodded and waited for Nathan to come back before he went himself. “Ready to order food?” he said when he came back.

"Yup.  Triple decker special - three pancakes, three eggs, three slices of bacon.  You?"

“... Actually that sounds good…”

"Nothing says we can't both get it," Nathan pointed out.

“That was my point…”

"Okay then," Nathan mumbled, embarrassed at having misunderstood.

“Want to split a side of hash browns?”

"Sounds great.  Don't suppose you like sausage patties?

“I do…”

"Could have a side of those too.  Anything we don't finish, we can take with us for breakfast later."

“You think of everything.” Duke smiled softly.

Nathan looked embarrassed.  "Just figured, we'll be hungry by then, and might not be able to stop for a meal if we're pressed for time.  At least not a real one, and I can't imagine you want fast food again."

“I thought we had a few hours to spare? But anyway, chances are by the time we get that close, I'm not gonna feel much like eating.”

"We should have time to spare.  But I never count on that."

“Probably a good call, never know what might happen.”

Nathan nodded.  "Plan for the worst, hope for the best."

“Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, plan is eat here, get close, stop to get cleaned up and changed, grab an hour or two of sleep if there's time, breakfast, courthouse for nine thirty ready for ten?”

Nathan nodded.  "And if there's any way to monitor the schedule to make sure it doesn't get moved earlier in the morning, best to keep an eye on that."

“I... hadn't even thought of that. Thanks, yeah, I'll do that.”

"Unlikely, at such short notice.  But better safe than sorry. You want to take a look at hotels near the courthouse, see if you can book something?"

“Nathan…? Please don't ever tell me you're stupid again. I'd have just winged it, hoped somewhere nearby had an available room and probably ended up in a seedy motel that charged by the hour. You think of  _ everything.” _

Nathan blushed.  "Just practical, s'all."

“Not  _ just  _ anything. You think of things that I don't. So thanks,” Duke said, pulling out his phone to look for rooms.

"Nothing that needs thanks, just trying to head off trouble before it gets here.  Speaking of which, should look at the map, figure out where the courthouse is, what the traffic will be like, whether there's parking.  Need to make sure we get there early enough to find the right room. Maybe even check the forecast, rain or snow could bog things down. Might be good if one of us stays awake just in case, I can do that, you'll need to be at your best," Nathan said distractedly, running a hand through his hair as his brain played out scenarios, seeing all that could go wrong, weighing which were were outlandishly improbable and which were likely enough to plan for, working out how to prepare for each obstacle.

“Ok, look -” Duke said, moving around the booth to slide in beside Nathan so they could both look at his phone screen. “The courthouse is here, loads of parking nearby, pretty sure it'll be fine. If it's not, just block traffic for the thirty seconds it takes me to jump out. Closest hotel is two blocks away, gonna try to book in there so I can walk there, so we don't need to worry about parking or road conditions anyway.”

"Smart, that eliminates a lot of variables," Nathan said approvingly.  "Do you know who the judge is? I can see if I can research them online, might be something about what they expect and their ruling history."

“Judge Grover. Heard she's pretty tough and nearly always sides with the mother.”

"I'm sorry.  I'll see what I can find."

“Thanks. I'm gonna call this hotel, don't want to risk booking online at this short notice.”

"Good idea.  Especially since we'll be checking in at something like four or five in the morning."

“Exactly. Be right back,” Duke said, slipping out of the booth.

A couple of minutes later, he was back, looking rather sheepish. “So, uh. They have a room.  _ A  _ room. I checked and it has separate beds so I booked it. Figured it wouldn't be too bad and we could both use a couple hours not trying to sleep in your truck...”

"Yeah, okay," Nathan agreed.  "Ordered for you, by the way. Hope that's okay."

“Yeah, great, thanks. Did you remember the hash browns?” Duke said, sitting beside Nathan again.

"Yup.  And the sausage.  Couldn't find much on Grover, probably keeps a low profile online deliberately, but there was one interview.  She's got a peeve for men who only want custody because they feel entitled to their kids - or who're trying to stay in the lives of women who don't want them there.  Don't imagine either of those will be a problem."

“Nope, neither of those are a problem at all. Thanks for finding that.”

"Not a problem.  It'll help that you have a business of your own and presumably a solid income, and with Obamacare you don't have to worry about how to get healthcare coverage for Jean.  You've got your home ready, I assume? Answers to address any concerns she might have about a little kid living on a cargo ship?"

“Yeah, business is fine, home is ready. I have another place I can use if living on a ship is a problem.”

"And you think I thought of everything." Nathan smiled.  "Sounds like you're really prepared."

“I've spent the past year trying to make this happen. Spent my life savings on legal fees and when that ran out, I taught myself family law so I could do it myself. Yeah, I'm prepared.”

Nathan reached over and gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze.  "I'm sure she'll be impressed."

“I really hope so…”

"You put a lot of work and effort into this.  Someone who didn't love their child wouldn't do that.  Men who feel like they own their kids and have every claim on them don't put in that kind of work, because they feel like they should already be getting what they want, just for wanting it."

“No, I know, it's just...what if she thinks I  _ am  _ like that?”

"She won't.  She sees dozens of people a week in front of her bench, she'll have a really good eye for telling the difference between the people who genuinely care and the ones who are only pretending in order to get what they want."

“Yeah, yeah, you're right, it'll be fine.”

"It will," Nathan said positively.  "You'll get to bring her home, even if it isn't for always."

Duke smiled softly. “You have no idea how happy that'll make me. I miss my girl.”

"I bet.  I'm so sorry she did that to you.  Ask me, she's the one who shouldn't have custody," Nathan snorted.  "Only time that's okay is if one parent is abusive or dangerously unfit."

Duke shrugged. “First lawyer I saw said it wasn't worth me petitioning for sole custody, that's why I filed for joint.”

"Yeah, I've heard it can be tough for men to get sole custody, there's still a lot of sexist preconceived notions around parenting.  Maybe if you get joint custody and you do well and she doesn't, you can later petition for sole custody."

“You mean if she doesn't run off with Jean again?” Duke said bitterly.

Nathan gave his shoulder another squeeze.  "If you're granted custody and she does that, then it's parental kidnapping.  And you can mention to the judge you have concerns about it - it shouldn't make you look bad, they're perfectly valid concerns."

“Yeah. How do you know so much about this stuff anyway?”

"Got a lawyer friend, she did family law for a while.  Used to call and talk about her day to help her stay awake on her drive home.  Personal details omitted, of course."

Duke smiled. “You're a good friend, Nathan. Not everyone would stay up and talk to friends like that.”

Nathan shrugged.  "Was worried about her crashing.  She worked really long hours."

“And you don't?” Duke raised his eyebrows.

"Not gonna crash my couch into a freeway barrier."

“No, I meant...you've already worked a sixteen hour double and now you're driving all night…”

"Yeah, gonna pay for that tomorrow." Nathan shrugged as if it were no big deal.

“Tomorrow when you're driving back by yourself? That's... very reassuring…”

Nathan blinked.  "You're not heading back tomorrow?"

“Depends how things go, if the case gets carried over or whatever, might end up here for a few days.”

"Oh.  Well, okay.  But then why would I be heading back? You'll need a ride, won't you?  I mean, you could get a one-way ticket I guess, but that's expensive."

“Wh- …?” Duke stared at him. “I mean, yeah, I could use a ride back but... you don't have to hang around, I assumed you were dropping me off and heading back by yourself.”

"Just dump you and leave you here alone?" Nathan shook his head.  "Rude."

Duke squeezed his shoulder. “Has anyone ever told you how incredible you are. Because you really are.”

Nathan looked embarrassed.  "Like you say, I wouldn't be fit to drive back tomorrow anyhow.  And it's not like I had anything planned this week. Was just gonna sit around the house wondering what to do with myself."

“You… Are you sure you don't mind hanging around? Atlantic City doesn't exactly strike me as your sorta place.”

Nathan shrugged.  "Not really, but there's gotta be something there worth seeing, and if not then I'll just hang around the hotel."

Duke nodded. “Long as you're sure. Thanks. I mean that. Thank you.”

"You're welcome," Nathan said uncomfortably, relieved when the food arrived a minute later.

“Looks good.” Duke grinned.

"Sure does," Nathan said enthusiastically, digging in.  The only food he'd had in almost 24 hours was the lousy fast food burger and fries several hours earlier, and the car snacks.

Duke was equally enthusiastic, tearing into his food as though he hadn't eaten in a week.

"Shoulda stopped for food earlier I guess," Nathan managed between mouthfuls.

“Mmmf,” Duke agreed.

It didn't take long to demolish the food, and Nathan sat back with a sigh.

Duke groaned happily. “That was really good.”

"It was!  Wasn't sure what to expect from a 24 hour diner but this was great."

“Yeah, can never tell with these places. You want another coffee or get going?”

"Better to get going."

Duke nodded and signalled the waitress for the check. Once he'd paid and left a reasonable tip, he held his hand out to Nathan. “Keys?”

Nathan handed them over willingly.  When they headed out to the car he climbed into the back, pulling the blanket over him and using his jacket for a pillow.  It wasn't much - he'd been a little underdressed for the weather, but hadn't figured it would matter much that morning - what seemed like a lifetime ago.

Duke pulled off his jacket and tossed it into the back for Nathan. “Here. You're gonna be freezing otherwise,” he said, starting the engine.

"I have the blanket.  What about you? You can’t wear just a shirt in this weather, even with the heater on," Nathan protested.

“I'm not wearing just a shirt, I'm wearing an undershirt, a t-shirt, a shirt  _ and  _ a cardigan. I've literally just given you my jacket. I'll be fine.”

"Well….all right, but crank the heat and stay warm, okay?" Nathan pulled on the jacket before settling back down.  "You got directions on your phone?"

“I will and yes I do. Get some sleep, Nate.”

"Okay, wake me if anything happens or if you need anything." Nathan settled down, yawning as exhaustion finally hit him like a ton of bricks.  As he drifted off, he mumbled, "Never had a nickname before. Like it."

Duke smiled softly and drove out of the parking lot, letting the big Bronco eat up the miles they had left to travel. He finally woke Nathan just as they came off the expressway. “Hey, Nate?”

"Mmpf?" Nathan mumbled.

“Be at the hotel any minute…”

"Oh.  Yeah. Okay," Nathan murmured, already drifting off again.

“No, no sleeps, we're getting out of the truck, c'mon, wake up.”

"Don't wanna.  M'tired." Nathan all but pouted.

“I know.” Duke parked up and climbed out, opening the door for Nathan. “C'mon, you'll sleep better in a bed.”

"’Kay." Nathan followed him out, then paused. "Wait, I gotta stay awake."

“For what?”

"So you can sleep."

“I'll be asleep too…”

"Right.  I gotta stay awake to make sure you get up in time."

“I’ll be up in time. Trust me. Look, we'll set two alarms on my phone and two on yours, I don't sleep well anyway. I'm not gonna oversleep, Nate. Not for this.”

Nathan looked torn.  “But.. What if something goes wrong?  Phones are muted or something?"

“Both of them? Coincidentally accidentally getting muted at the same time? Won't happen. If you're that worried, we'll book an alarm call with Reception as well.”

"... Yeah. Wake up call good."

“Ok, I'll get us checked in and book the call for eight.”

"Mmkay," Nathan yawned.

Duke left him leaning against the wall beside the elevator and went to check in. “Ok,” he said when he got back, “room three twelve, wake up call booked.”

"’Kay," Nathan mumbled, letting Duke shepherd him into the elevator.

Duke steered him into their room and stopped short. “What the-” he said, his shoulders slumping. “Ok, no, there's been a mix up, when I called, they specifically said it was a twin room. Two beds. That...ok, I know I'm tired and pretty hungover but that looks like  _ one bed  _ to me.”

Nathan walked over to the bed and faceplanted onto one side, evidently uncaring.

“...Ok then,” Duke said, dropping the bags on the floor. “Nate, c'mon, at least take your boots off, you can't sleep like that.”

Nathan grunted, trying to kick off his boots, evidently forgetting they were heavy duty work boots laced well past the ankle.

“Need help?”

Nathan whined pitifully.

Duke nudged him so he turned over and started unlacing his boots so he could slide them off his feet. “Anything else you want off? And I'm asking purely for the sake of comfort, no ulterior motives here.”

Nathan shook his head.  "Too cold."

“Ok, c'mon, look, move over and get under the covers.”

Nathan grumbled but shifted to burrow beneath the blankets.

“Better?” Duke said, kicking off his shoes and peeling off a couple of his layers and his pants and joining Nathan under the covers.

"Mm.  Warm." Nathan sighed happily, more than half asleep again already - not that he'd ever really woken up.

“Yeah. And comfy,” Duke said, stretching before he too burrowed under the covers.

"Mm-hm." Nathan yawned.  "Sleep."

“Set your alarms?”

"No." Nathan woke abruptly, panicking.

“Ok, ok, ssh,” Duke said softly. “Where's your phone?”

Nathan pulled it out of his pocket, unlocking it with slightly shaky hands.

“Let me?” Duke said, gently taking the phone from him once it was unlocked.

"It's okay?" Nathan said anxiously, still exhausted but worried now too.

“Everything's fine. Look, alarms set for seven thirty and seven fifty on my phone and seven forty and eight on yours, plus the wake up call at eight. We won't oversleep. Get some rest, Nate.”

"Okay.  Okay. It's okay," Nathan said, as if trying to convince himself.

“Yeah, it's ok. It's all good.”

"Okay." Nathan tried to settle back down, but where he'd been sleepy and content before, now he was tense, a frown on his face as worries paraded through his tired mind.

“What's going on?” Duke asked softly.

"Nothing.  Get some rest."

“Nate?” Duke said, resting a hand on Nathan's shoulder. “What is it and don't say nothing again, seriously, even an idiot could see it's not nothing and I'm not an idiot.”

"It's just my stupid brain won't shut up now it's been kick started.  Don't worry about it. You need your rest."

“So do you. What helps? Grounding exercises? Breathing exercises? Writing things down, talking them through…?”

Nathan stared blankly.  "Helps? I don't….it just goes away in time."

“You…? Ok, no, there're things you can do that help. Let's do some breathing.”

"Duke, no, you need sleep, I don't.  I'll be fine."

“Two minutes. That's all it'll take. Ok?”

"....Ok."

“Ok. Deep breath in, and let it out with a sigh. Good, that's good, same again.” Duke talked him through it. “Now I want you to start counting your breath, so in for the count of four, hold it for seven, out for eight. That's it, focus on my voice, with each breath out, release the tension in your body. In...hold...out.”

Nathan followed the instructions as best he could, losing count but following Duke's breathing.

“Ok, another two breaths like that, and then breathe normally, keep the tension out of your body, let your eyes close naturally, don't force them shut, release the tension in your jaw...good,” Duke praised when Nathan followed his instructions. “How d'you feel?”

"Better," Nathan said, surprised.

“Good,” Duke said softly, giving Nathan's shoulder a squeeze. “Think you can sleep now?”

"Yeah, that's…I…thanks," Nathan mumbled.  "And sorry."

“Nothing to be sorry for. Get some rest,” Duke said, letting go of Nathan's shoulder and snuggling back down under the covers.

Nathan settled down, wondering why his shoulder felt cold at the loss of Duke's touch.

Duke pulled the covers up around them and, comforted by Nathan's presence, fell asleep within minutes.

He woke two minutes before the first alarm went off and quickly cancelled the alarms on his phone, then Nathan's (vaguely hoping Nathan didn't mind that he'd remembered the passcode from the night before). Moving as quietly as he could, he quickly showered and dressed and answered the wake up call before the phone could finish its first ring.

"Mmmh?"  Nathan stirred, making a questioning noise.

“It's fine, Nate. Go back to sleep. I'm up,” Duke murmured softly.

Nathan sighed quietly, relaxing again.

Duke made sure the covers were pulled around him, scrawled a quick note that he left on the bedside cabinet, and quietly slipped out of the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the court case and the road trip back

Nathan woke some hours later to an empty hotel room, blinking in baffled disorientation for a moment before he remembered where he was and why.  Cursing himself, he leapt out of bed and shoved his feet in his boots, not even bothering to lace them before he ran out the door. He arrived at the courthouse out of breath and found the room the hearing was being held in, dropping to a bench in the hall outside to catch his breath.  He could only assume - and hope - that Duke's absence in the hotel room meant he'd gone ahead and been on time.

A small crowd of people came out of the room, stony faced and silent as they proceeded down the hall. A minute later, Duke came out, did a double take when he saw Nathan and sank onto the bench beside him.

“They…” he started to speak, choked up and hunched over, his face buried in his hands, his whole body shaking with great, wracking sobs.

Nathan's heart sank into his stomach.  He put an arm around Duke. "I'm so sorry," he said, feeling the words terribly inadequate.  "Maybe there are appeals you can do."

Duke shook his head but when he finally lifted his head from his hands, he was smiling through the tears. “No, no, it was good. Joint custody, every other weekend and alternating holidays, plus time in the school breaks when Jean goes to school.”

Nathan broke out in a broad grin.  "Duke, that's great!"

Duke leaned against him and nodded, his breath catching on a sob every now and again.

Nathan rubbed Duke's back soothingly.  "When do you get to bring your little princess home?"

“This weekend. Friday night. I…” Duke trailed off again.

"That's great.  Are you going to stay down here, or head home and come back to pick her up?"

“Head home, I've...got a lot to sort out. I mean, she's still got her room on the Rouge but Evi took all her clothes and toys, I need to replace those. Car seat. Food. I need to make sure the Gull has enough cover that I won't even get a single call all weekend….”

Nathan gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze.  "Makes sense. You got paperwork or court stuff you still need to do here, or do you want to head straight out?"

“No, I'm all sorted. Did you catch up on some sleep?”

"I did.  But you could have woken me, I'd have come down here with you for moral support."

“I know you would've, that's why I didn't wake you…”

"...Oh.  No, right, I get it.  Overstepping. Sorry. Not good at that sort of thing.  I'll back off."

“No, no,” Duke said quickly. “I meant because you needed the sleep. You aren't...you're not overstepping.”

Nathan looked relieved.  "I would've been fine. I slept in the car, too."

“Yeah but it wasn't enough. You eat yet?”

"Nah, came straight here.  Glad you made it on time, though, I figured something had gone wrong with our alarms."

“That's why I left you the note…”

Nathan blinked.  "The note?"

“On the bedside cabinet, propped up against the lamp. I know my handwriting's barely legible but I thought I'd got the message across…”

"No, I didn't even see it.  I just woke up with you gone, jumped out of bed and ran over here."

Duke squeezed his knee. “Idiot,” he said affectionately. “Want to grab some breakfast?”

"Yeah, sounds good.  Can come back after and check out, then start heading back."

“Yeah. Sure you don't mind me catching a ride back?”

"Why would I mind when I have to drive back anyhow?  Besides, you were good company. Can't do a road trip with just anyone."

Duke smiled softly. “Very true. And if I haven't said it already, you're amazing.”

Nathan blushed.  "Wasn't like I was doing anything special."

“No, you really,  _ really  _ did. You took care of a drunk stranger, you...you helped me. I wouldn't have gotten here without you, I wouldn't have gotten my daughter back. You drove  _ all night  _ to make this happen when you could've just thrown me in lock up, shrugged, and said it wasn't your problem. So yeah. You're amazing,” Duke said, throwing his arms around Nathan.

Nathan blushed harder, shyly returning the embrace.  "Would've just stayed home otherwise. Glad I didn't."

“I'm glad you didn't too.”

"I'm glad you got custody, even if it's not full custody.  You deserve that. You're gonna be great."

“Thanks Nate,” Duke said softly, squeezing Nathan tightly before he let him go. “What do you want for breakfast?”

"Weirdly, I kind of feel more in the mood for lunch - guess I've had all the breakfast food my stomach can handle for one day." Nathan chuckled sheepishly.

Duke laughed. “That's a fair point. What do you fancy for lunch?”

"Sandwiches would be fine, I don't need anything fancy."

Duke gave him a look. “We're celebrating and you want sandwiches?”

"Oh.  I just meant I'm not fussy.  If you want to celebrate we can go wherever you like."

“There was a little hole in the wall sorta place half a block up, want to check that out?”

"Sure, I'm game," Nathan agreed.  "You wanna wash your face before we go out?"

“That bad, huh?”

"I don't think so, but I don't figure you want just anyone to know you cried."

Duke nodded. “You'd be right. Be right back.”

Nathan nodded, waiting patiently for Duke to return.

In the bathroom, Duke splashed water on his face, removed his tie and shoved it into his pocket, and loosened his shirt collar. “Ok, ready?” he said when he got back to Nathan.

Nathan did a bit of a double take, and blushed as it popped into his head how good Duke looked.  "Actually, was hoping I could ask a favor first."

“Anything.”

"Feeling kinda grimy after sleeping in these clothes - didn't stop to shower before I left and I wouldn't have had anything clean to put on anyhow.  I'd really like to get cleaned up. Gotta be a clothing shop around here somewhere."

“Want to borrow something?”

Nathan bit his lip.  "Would you mind? Rather borrow than buy, but I hate to ask."

“Not a problem at all. Let's head back to the hotel, you can get showered and changed and we'll grab something to eat there before we go.”

"Thanks, Duke." Nathan smiled, leading the way.

Back in their room, Duke rifled through his bags and passed Nathan a pair of cargo pants, a soft cotton shirt and a thick sweater. “Guessing you don't want to borrow underwear as well?” He grinned.

Nathan grimaced.  "Just have to go commando, I guess.  Thanks for lending me these. Be right out.”

“No problem,” Duke called after him. Once Nathan closed the bathroom door, he quickly stripped out of his suit and changed into jeans and his usual layers.

Nathan enjoyed the feel of the hot water on his skin, shedding the grime of a long shift at the airport and a car trip and a night asleep in his clothes.  Once he was clean he got out and dried off and pulled Duke's clothes on, heading back out into the room.

“Ok?” Duke asked, trying to ignore the sudden surge of  _ want  _ at the sight of Nathan wearing his clothes.

"Yeah.  These are nice - really soft and comfortable." Nathan smiled.

Duke nodded. “As you might've noticed, I'm a big fan of comfortable.”

"Not a bad way to be.  Want to check out now and just come back to the car to head out after?"

“Yeah, makes sense. Want to share the driving again?”

"I'd appreciate that.  Ten hours is a lot of driving."

“No problem,” Duke said, closing up his bag. “Ready?”

"Almost." Nathan did a quick, methodical check of the room to ensure nothing had been forgotten, even checking under the bed and in drawers he knew they hadn't used.

Duke waited patiently while he checked and he very definitely didn't check out Nathan's ass when he bent down to look under the bed, and he very definitely wasn't still staring when Nathan stood back up and turned to face him. He cleared his throat. “Ok?”

Nathan gave him an odd look, wondering why Duke seemed to be staring at him.  "Yeah, just like to check the places I've been travelling, make sure nothing's ever left behind."

“Yeah, no, it's a good thing to do,” Duke said, going out into the corridor. “You want to chuck the bags in the car, I'll go check out?”

"Can do," Nathan said agreeably, and headed off with Duke's luggage.

Duke quickly checked out and met Nathan in the hotel restaurant. “What are you drinking? I'll go to the bar.”

"Duke," Nathan said gently. "Why don't we skip the bar?"

“...I just meant because it'd be quicker than table service. I said I wouldn't drink again if I got Jean back and I meant it.”

Nathan smiled, relieved.  "Proud of you. Just water for me, then."

Duke nodded and went to the bar, returning a couple of minutes later with two glasses of iced water.

"Thanks." Nathan accepted his.  

Duke smiled and sat down opposite Nathan. “Don't get me wrong, I know it's not going to be easy. I've been drinking pretty solidly for a year, that's not gonna go away overnight, but I can do this.”

"Yeah, you can.  For her." Nathan smiled encouragingly.

“Yeah, exactly. I'm not… My parents were both addicts. My dad to drink, my mom to drugs. I'm not them, I won't do that to her.”

Nathan squeezed his shoulder.  "I know you won't."

Duke nodded. “Thanks. Decided what you want to eat yet?”

Nathan bit his lip.  He knew what he wanted, but…. "What are you getting?"

“Steak, probably,” Duke said, looking over the menu.

Nathan looked relieved.  If Duke was getting steak, it wouldn't be too much for him to do so as well.  Not a top-quality steak, he wasn't the one celebrating, but a decent enough one  "Steak is always good."

“Two filet mignon with all the trimmings then.  Sauce?”

"I don't need a steak that fancy, sirloin's fine," Nathan protested.

Duke gave him a look.  “Nathan, after everything you’ve done for me, you can have filet every night for a week. At least.”

Nathan looked sheepish - he had no argument to counter that.  "Filet, then. The garlic butter sounded good."

“It did.” Duke smiled.  When the waiter came over, he ordered for both of them and leaned forwards, his elbows on the table in a manner utterly unbecoming the rather swanky hotel.  “So where do you live? Local-ish to the airport, I’m guessing?”

"Ish.  No one wants to live too close to the airport if they can avoid it.  Got a little place in this tiny town on the coast, place called Haven."

Duke smiled.  “Know the Grey Gull, out on the coast road?”

"Yeah, good food, I like to - hey, wait a second." Nathan stopped abruptly, squinting at Duke.  "I've seen you there, I swear I have - just didn't put it together until you mentioned it. Don't tell me that's your bar?"

Duke’s smile turned into a grin.  “That’s my bar.”

"That place is so much more than just a bar, it's the best restaurant in the whole area.  Are you behind the menus? The food there is amazing, always delicious and inventive without getting so pretentious that quality ingredients are just ruined."

“Yep,” Duke said proudly.  “Dishes are all my own inventions, concoctions, whatever.  I cook too, on the chef’s nights off. Wish I could do just that but the front of house stuff is cool too, meeting new people.  Surprised we’ve never got talking…”

Nathan gave him a lopsided smile.  "I don't really give off friendly vibes.  You've probably spotted me and gone 'that looks like a guy who just wants to be left alone to eat his dinner in peace'."

“I’ve got a pretty good radar for folks who don’t want to talk but…”

"But what?  Seems like I'd qualify."

“Someone who looks as good as you do...I’d probably have at least  _ tried.”   _

Nathan blushed, mentally recalibrating.  He'd thought that with an ex-wife and daughter, Duke wouldn't be interested in men.  "Come on, Duke."

Duke raised his eyebrows.  “What?”

"Good-looking?  Really? You don't think that's laying it on a little thick?"

“Just stating the facts.”

"Guys who look like you don't think that guys like me look good," Nathan mumbled.

“Trust me, I think you look good.  But I didn’t mean to embarrass you so I’ll just shut up now.”

"Not telling you to shut up.  I mean, I'm not telling you to  _ not _ shut up, I'm not fishing for compliments, I just mean - oh, here comes our food," Nathan said, vastly relieved.

“Looks good,” Duke said when the waiter had put down their plates and left.

"Delicious," Nathan said delightedly.

Duke took a mouthful and sighed happily. “Tastes as good as it looks.”

Nathan took a bite of his own and almost moaned.  "Can say that again."

“Can't beat a good steak.”

"Best meal on earth," Nathan agreed, then added with a smirk.  "Except maybe pancakes."

Duke rolled his eyes. “Again with the pancakes?”

Nathan chuckled.  "Knew that'd get you."

“I'll make you pancakes sometime. I'm reliably informed that they're pretty good.”

"That sounds amazing."

Duke smiled. “Yeah.”

"I'd offer to cook for you, but I can't cook."

“Not at all?”

Nathan shook his head.  "Never learned."

“Want to?”

Nathan brightened for a moment, then his face fell.  "You'd think I'm a hopeless idiot."

“Why would I think that?”

"Every time I've tried to learn, I haven't been any good."

“So you need to be taught differently.”

"Yeah...the Cooking for Dummies method," Nathan said dryly.

“Otherwise known as the Not Assuming Someone Has Knowledge That They’ve Never Been Taught Before method.”

Nathan played with his fork.  "Did sometimes seem like recipes were speaking a language I don't know."

“Some of them do that.  Even some of these ‘cooking for beginners’ things still assume a basic level of knowledge that not everyone has.”

"It made me feel pretty stupid," Nathan mumbled.

“Yeah, it would.  There’s no point a recipe trying to teach someone to make a fancy pasta sauce if it doesn’t also teach them how to cook the pasta.”

"Or boil water."

“Exactly.  Bring a pan of water to the boil tells you nothing if you don’t already know what heat setting to use or how to tell if water is boiling as opposed to simmering.”

"Or what the hell stuff like 'simmering' even means," Nathan said, relieved that Duke seemed to understand and wasn't going to mock him.

“Yeah, yeah, exactly,” Duke said, taking a sip of his water.  “And the measurements aren’t always precise. ‘Add a pinch of salt’...well, what is a pinch?  ‘Season to taste’...It’s… Vague. Very vague and that’s fine for an experienced cook but not so great when you’re starting out.”

"And half the time they don't tell you how long anything takes.  'Cook until golden-brown' - is that going to be five minutes? Fifty?  How do I know? And what's medium-high heat, anyhow? I have dials marked one through ten, and anything over five is terrifying."

Duke nodded.  “Anything much over five is probably gonna wreck any non-stick pans and then everything sticks to it and makes you feel like you can’t cook when it wasn’t actually a fault in the cooking method.”

"I already wrecked all my pans, they're scratched up all to hell." Nathan sighed.

“Metal utensils?”

"Yeah." Nathan looked disgruntled.  "Why do they even make metal utensils if that's a problem?"  

“They have their uses but non-stick pans is not one of them.”

"See?  It's that kind of thing.  All this stuff that everyone seems to know but no one ever told me."

Duke nodded.  “Learning to cook without that sort of info is...difficult and frustrating.”

"It really really was.  I ruined everything I made.  I just...gave up."

“Not surprising and not your fault.”

"Kind of you to say that," Nathan said quietly.

“Just the truth.”

"And kind of you to offer to teach someone like me.  Even if you don't anymore, which I wouldn't blame you for."

“I can teach you. Might be a bit pushed for time right now but once things settle down, we'll set something up.”

"Well, obviously Jean has to come first," Nathan agreed.  "How old is she now, if you don't mind my asking. You showed me that photo but I don't know how long ago it was taken."

“It was a year ago, just over. She's four now, her birthday was last month. I tried to send her a gift but Evi returned it…”

Nathan reached over and gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze.  "You can give it to her now."

“Not gonna mean much now but yeah, I can get her all the gifts I want to and make sure she gets them.”

"Are you kidding?  She gets a present when it's not even her birthday!  She'll be over the moon."

Duke smiled softly. “Yeah, I guess so. And cake.”

"You can have an un-birthday party for her, just like in Alice in Wonderland." Nathan smiled.

“Yeah. God, I've missed her so much, Nate. This feels like a dream.”

"You're gonna be so happy," Nathan smiled.

Duke nodded and swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. “Thank you,” he managed to say.

"Glad I could help," Nathan said quietly.  "Kids belong with good parents."

“Yeah, they do,” Duke said softly. “You...you're really something special, Nate. You saw a drunk stranger. A deadbeat. And instead of passing judgement, you helped me. You went out of your way to help me.”

Nathan blushed deeply.  "Was just the right thing to do."

“Not everyone thinks like that though. That's why it makes you special.”

Nathan poked at his food, wanting to argue that he wasn't special but also not wanting to draw out the debate.

“Sorry, I know you find this stuff embarrassing,” Duke said quietly. “I just...if you don't want anything to do with me after we get back, I want you to know how much this meant to me…”

"I….I figured you wouldn't want anything to do with  _ me _ when we got back.  I mean, I'm just some stranger who offered you a ride, someone you were thrown together with out of circumstance," Nathan said hesitantly.

“Someone who's been unfailingly kind and supportive and...and  _ gentle.  _ Someone who I think is worth getting to know better. Someone I'd like to spend more time with…”

Nathan blushed deeply, looking uncomfortable at the praise even as he was pleased that Duke wasn't just going to take off once they got back.

“If you'd like that, that is…”

"Yeah, I'd like that.  I'd really like that," Nathan said quietly.

Duke smiled softly. “So would I.”

Nathan blushed all over again, feeling warm from more than the flush of blood to his skin.  

“You ready to get outta here?”

"Yeah.  Heading home sounds good." Nathan smiled.

Duke caught the waiter's attention and settled their bill, leaving a healthy tip on the table. “You driving first or am I?”

"I got it.  You should get some sleep, you only got, what, a few hours?"

“Yeah, I'm fine though, don't sleep well anyway so I'm used to getting by on four hours or less.”

"That's not great." Nathan gave him a worried frown.  "At least try, okay?"

“Ok, I'll try but I'm still...kinda wired.”

"Fair." Nathan smiled.  "If you can't, you can't."

“I mean,” Duke said on the way to the truck, “I've got so much to sort out and I don't even really know where to start and I've still gotta work out how to get back down here to pick her up so yeah...my mind is busily working that out and I just...don't think sleep is going to be a thing for a while. So if you need me to drive, I can.”

"I'm good, since you let me have some extra sleep.  And if you need some help getting things ready, I can help out."

“Really? You'd do that?” Duke said, some of the tension lifting from his face.

"Well, yeah.  Seems like you could use a hand.  Jean can't come back to a home that's not ready."

“I really could use a hand, if you don’t mind too much…”

"Yeah, sure, no problem.  Still got the rest of the week off."

“You’re the best.” Duke smiled.

"Just glad I can help.  I know you want everything to be perfect for your little princess." Nathan smiled softly.  "Like a good dad does."

“Y’know...if you really don’t mind helping… It’d give me enough time to redecorate her room… She always used to want pink but Evi refused, said it was too girly but… I could do that now…”

“If the princess wants pink, the princess gets pink." Nathan smiled.  "Nothing wrong with being girly, long as it's her choice."

“Yeah, yeah, exactly, and she used to pick out pink stuff all the time.  Or yellow, like my truck. Does pink and yellow go? Maybe I could decorate it pink with yellow trucks or something…”

“That would work." Nathan smiled.  "If you're artistically inclined, you could have a border of the two of you in your yellow truck having adventures."

“...I am not artistically inclined.  At all. I’m good with figures and pretty words and mechanical stuff and woodworking but anything artistic, no.”

Nathan looked sheepish.  "Well, I, uh. I kinda am?  I do...decoupage. Covering stuff with pictures and paint, basically."

“You do?” Duke smiled softly.  “Can you - would you mind helping me out?”

"I'd love to, that sounds like such a fun project." Nathan smiled.  "We'll need to make copies of your photos, of course, you won't want me chopping up the precious ones you have."

“Thanks, Nathan.  I promise, absolutely promise that I’ll do something to repay everything you’ve done for me.”

"Don't worry about it.  I love kids, this'll be fun."

“You’re amazing.”

"You're pretty amazing too.  Most dads wouldn't want some strange guy having anything to do with their little girl.  I feel pretty honored you'd let me help."

“You’re not just some strange guy though.  I trust you.”

"Thanks, Duke.  Means a lot," Nathan said quietly.  They'd arrived back at the truck, and he unlocked it and got into the driver's seat.  "You want to stop on the way out of town for road snacks, or wait a while?"

“I can wait but I don’t mind stopping if you want to get stuff now.”

"Nah.  That lunch I just had, I won't be hungry for a while.  And I won't need coffee this time."

“Me neither.  In fact, caffeine is probably the last thing I need right now.  I’m buzzing, Nate, absolutely buzzing.”

Nathan looked over with a smile.  "Of course. Anyone would feel joy right now in your shoes.  You're gonna be an amazing dad."

“Joy.  Joy is a good word.  Also panicking. But that’s fine, there’s nothing I can do til I get home anyway.  Except maybe book flights or would a hire car be better? I need to sort something out for picking her up and dropping her back, it’s a long drive but flying with a four year old… And my truck only has two seats so that’s out and of course Evi took the car with her when she left.  I’ll have to buy a new one but I don’t think I can do that in the next...three days so…”

"You're panicking," Nathan said gently.  "If you can afford it, take a flight. Either way you'll have to entertain a bored toddler who's forced to sit still, might as well minimize the time you have to do it."

“You’re right, you’re right, it’ll be quicker on the plane, it’s just...there and back, Friday and Sunday... it’s a lot of money but driving makes even less sense and I want...I want to bring her home, Nate, I don’t want to just book us into a hotel in fucking Atlantic City.”

"I know.  Southwest offers discount tickets to TSA and airport employees, up to four fares together, if that'd help."

“Could you...could you swing that somehow?  Book them under your name or something? Only if it won’t cause you any trouble...”

"I'd have to go too - we can bring people, but we have to accompany them, the discount's non-transferrable.  That being said, I'll give the two of you plenty of space - Southwest doesn't assign seating, so we don't even have to sit together as long as we check in together."

“You’re amazing.  I know I keep saying it but you are.”

"It's the least I can do," Nathan mumbled.

“No, you’ve...you’ve gone well above the least you could do.  You...you didn’t have to do  _ any  _ of this.”

"Well, okay, but not if I wanted to be a decent guy."

“A decent guy.” Duke snorted.  “A decent guy would’ve made sure I was ok and  _ maybe  _ helped me with travel arrangements.  You’ve given up  _ days  _ of your life to help me, and you’re offering me more help after we get back.  Do you have any idea how amazing that makes you?”

Nathan could feel his face turning pink again.  "It's not like I had anything else to do," he mumbled.

“Still… Anyway, I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.”

"Thanks, Duke," Nathan said quietly.

“And if there’s ever anything you need...you’ll let me know?”

"Yeah, I will.  I know how uncomfortable that can feel," Nathan agreed.  "But just so we're clear, you don't owe me one single thing.  Everything I've done and will do for you and Jean is my own free choice.  I'd  _ never _ hold that over your head."

“No, I know you wouldn’t, you’re not like that.”

"Hate to think I ever could be."

“You never could be, Nate.”

"Thanks," Nathan smiled.  "Try not to be, anyhow."

“You’re a good man.”

"I do my best.  We all should. It's all we can do."

“Yeah, and fuck anyone who thinks your best isn’t good enough.”

"Something like that," Nathan smiled.

Duke smiled back and settled more firmly into his seat.  “Shout when you want me to drive.”

"Will do.  You can pick the music this time if you like."

“Nah, yours is good, go for it.”

Nathan nodded, and put on his playlist, humming along as he swung the old truck onto the highway.

Duke grinned.  “You’re humming.  Could barely get you to nod your head last night.”

"Guess I'm just in a good mood." Nathan smiled sheepishly.  

“Nice to see.”

Nathan smiled.  He stopped humming for a bit, self-conscious, but was soon picking it up again unconsciously.

Duke stared out of the window, occasionally stealing little glances at Nathan when he thought he wasn’t watching.

A few hours passed in peaceable silence before Nathan proposed making a stop to get snacks and stretch their legs.

“Yeah, that works. Want me to drive after?”

"Sounds good, thanks.  You sure you don't need to rest though?"

“I’m sure.  Still flying pretty high right now.”

"Fair enough." Nathan smiled.

“So what snacks do you want? I'll grab them while you're stretching your legs.”

"Hmm...beef jerky, some kind of cheese-flavored crackers, some dried fruit.  And something to drink - decaf and a couple bottles of water?"

“Done,” Duke said, jumping out of the truck as soon as Nathan had pulled to a stop.

"Thanks, Duke," Nathan smiled.

Duke was back in a few minutes, with everything Nathan had asked for as well as slightly less healthy alternatives in the form of donuts and Cheetos. “Here,” he said, passing Nathan the bag and stretching so his shirt rode up.

"Thanks," Nathan said, distracted enough by that little strip of sun-kissed skin that his reaching hand missed the bag entirely.

Duke gave him a funny look and pressed the bag into his hand. “Still want me to drive?”

"Um, yeah," Nathan said sheepishly, taking the bag of snacks.  He hoped desperately that Duke hadn't noticed where Nathan's gaze had led.

Duke stretched again, rather more deliberately this time, and got into the truck.

Nathan tried really hard not to stare this time, but with limited success.

Duke flashed him a grin and started the engine. “So, this time you're gonna be awake while I'm driving your baby. Sure you can cope with that?”

"Hey, if you get too nuts you'll be the one getting the ticket, not me." Nathan smirked.

“Not if I flirt my way out of it…”

"...Gonna be tough if it's a male cop.  Pretty homophobic culture, law enforcement."

“... You'd be surprised.”

"Guess my experience in law enforcement is limited to small town police," Nathan allowed.

Duke nodded. “Well mine's limited to flirting my way out of misdemeanors and trying not to get hurt too badly when I ran into the sorta cop who'd rather kill me than bring me in, so…”

"Kill you?!  Why would anyone want to kill you?" Nathan exclaimed.

“Me specifically? No one. But there's a certain type of cop. One who's looking for an excuse, any sign of resistance and he'll force you to the floor and put a boot to your neck. Or you make one wrong move and it's a punch to the kidneys. The sort who'd shoot first and remove the cuffs afterwards.”

"I knew police brutality was a thing, but I figured it was mostly beatings, not murder," Nathan said quietly.

“Mostly. But sometimes the beatings turn into murder. Anyway, I managed to not get murdered so…”

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Nathan reached over and squeezed Duke's shoulder.

“Thanks.” Duke gave him a small smile. “It was years ago.”

"I'm glad you don't have to worry about that anymore," Nathan told him.

“I don't. And just for the record, I never hurt anyone.”

"I wouldn't imagine you could."

“Good. Thanks. Just wanted to get that out there.”

"I won't pry.  We've all got things in our pasts we'd rather forget about.  Like my love life," he said, deadpan.

“That bad, huh?”

"Dismal." Nathan nodded.  

“Should I ask, or…?”

"Just no good at romance.  Stiff, awkward, don't understand any of the subtle stuff."

“So I need to be up front, then?”

"Wait, what do you mean you need to?"

Duke smiled softly and glanced at Nathan as he drove. “I uh…When I said I wanted to get to know you better… When I said I think you look good… that was too subtle, right?”

Nathan blushed deeply, mortified that he'd missed what were, in hindsight, pretty obvious cues.  "Just thought you meant as a friend. And you can appreciate someone's good-looking without it meaning anything.  You'd had a wife and a kid, didn't figure you were into guys."

“Yeah, I can see why you'd assume that but just to clear things up, I'm bi and I'm interested.”

Nathan felt his blush deepen further.  "Thanks for putting it plain."

“No problem.  Look, we’re gonna be stuck in a car together for the next… seven hours, at least, so I’m just gonna leave that ball in your court for now, ok?  Don’t want to put any pressure on you and it’s not like you can leave, so…”

"Appreciate that.  Not needed, though.  Be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, just figured you wouldn't be interested."

“Good to know,” Duke said, barely suppressing a grin.

"I mean….you're really handsome, and you're obviously trying really hard to be a good dad and a good man."

Duke nodded.  “Trying to be.  I’m also funny, fiercely protective of anyone I care about and amazingly good in bed.”

"That's, uh, that's good to know." Nathan could feel the tips of his ears burning.

“Joking, Nate.  Like I said, I’m funny.  I have no idea if I’m  _ amazingly  _ good in bed, it’s been a while.”

"Well, you'd, uh, be better'n me," Nathan mumbled.

Duke gave him a questioning look.  “Really?”

"I, uh.  Not a lot of experience," Nathan mumbled.

“Nothing wrong with that.”

"Didn't even realize I was into men at first," Nathan said quietly.  "Didn't even realize it was an option. Figured it was just...appreciation, envy, admiration.  Dated the girls who asked me out, cared about them, thought that was love and attraction. Long time before I realized."

“Easy to get trapped into heteronormative bullshit, especially in a small town like Haven.  I guess you grew up there?”

"Yeah.  Son of the chief of police, no less.  He's…. traditional."

“....He is that.  How is he, by the way?”

"Same as he ever was.  Wait, he wasn't one of the cops that tried to hurt you?" Nathan looked alarmed.

“No, no,” Duke assured him quickly.  “Haven cops are decent folks. He just busted me for selling weed when I was fifteen, sent me packing with a slap on the wrist.  Pretty sure he’s kept a close eye on me ever since which is why I always kept my not quite so legal activities well away from Haven.”

Nathan sighed, relaxing back in his seat.  "Thank god. He always talked about the importance of protecting and helping people, if that'd all been a lie…"

“Can’t say he helped me but he didn’t make things worse by charging me, so…”

"Glad he didn't," Nathan said softly.

“So was I, believe me.”

"I'm glad you didn't have that on your record, that must have helped with getting custody."

Duke nodded.  “Somehow, and I really have no idea how, I’ve managed to keep a clean record, beyond a couple of traffic violations.”

"That's great." Nathan smiled.  

“Not really.  Just means I was good at not getting caught and...I should probably not be saying this to the chief of police’s son, should I?”

"Not a cop.  Besides, statute of limitations is probably expired on all that if you were doing it in your teens and early twenties."

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve had the bar for almost ten years, it was all before that…”

Nathan nodded.  "Yeah. So no worries."

“Yeah.  Still have this fear that it’s gonna come back and bite me in the ass someday though.”

"I can imagine," Nathan said sympathetically.

“No reason it should, but…”

"But you still worry about it." Nathan reached over and gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze.

Duke gave him a small smile.  “Yeah.”

"I know it doesn't help to hear it, but you'll be fine."

Duke nodded.  “So you said a good man married your mom and took you in.  That was the Chief, right?”

Nathan nodded.  "He got called out on a domestic violence incident, got me and my mom out of there, threw the asshole in jail, helped Mom find her feet.  They fell in love."

“That’s...I’m really glad he did that and they found each other.”

"Me too.  I know Mom was so scared that it was going to be like last time, that she only loved him because he was kind to her and that it would all prove to be an act.  But the Chief was so patient with her, never pressured her, never even asked her out or put any kind of move on her."

“Can understand why she’d be worried about that,” Duke said quietly.

"Yeah.  Took her years before felt safe enough to start anything."

“Takes a long time to recover from something like that.”

"Yeah.  But she did.  We did. I don't even remember any of that, I was too little.  But I remember Mom being happy, before she died."

“I’m sorry,” Duke said softly.

"At least she got to be happy.  At least she had a peaceful life and someone she loved who was good to her," Nathan said, his voice a little thick.

Duke reached across to take hold of his hand and give it a squeeze.

Nathan held on for a moment before letting go.  "Sorry."

“For what?”

"Getting all misty."

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

"Thanks." Nathan took a sip of his coffee to steady his emotions.

“You ok?”

"Yeah.  Long time ago."

“There’s no time limit on grief.”

"Guess not.  Takes me by surprise now and then.  Didn't think it'd be a thing, talking about it."

“I’ll listen if you want to talk...or change the subject if you don’t…”

"Subject change, thanks," Nathan requested.

“We must know a lot of the same people, both grew up and still live in Haven… Surprised we never ran into each other before now.”

"Guess we did and just didn't realize."

“Guess so.”

"Seems a real shame."

“Kinda does, doesn’t it?”

"What were you like as a kid?" Nathan smiled.

Duke shrugged. “Not the happiest time of my life…”

"Oh.  Sorry," Nathan said uncomfortably.  "Didn't mean to dredge up bad memories."

“It's fine. As a kid, I was mostly scared and hungry and always in trouble. Attention seeking behaviour that didn't go down too well.”

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Nathan said quietly.

“Thanks. It's in the past though.”

"Does mean it doesn't still hurt." Nathan rubbed Duke's shoulder.

Duke nodded. “Sometimes it does. Mostly I've made my peace with it.”

"There's no time limit on pain either."

“No, I know, I just want to move on from it, not hang onto it and let it keep destroying me.”

"That's fair.  Change of subject time?"

“Yeah.”

"What kind of music do you like?"

“Nineties grunge, anything with a beat, or lyrics that mean something and I have a soft spot for eighties cheese.”

"That sounds nice."

“Well, it's varied anyway.”

"Variety's important.  I didn't really listen to contemporary stuff growing up - it was my dad's oldies and jazz, mostly.  Didn't find anything more recent until I went to college."

“So there's where your love of classic rock comes from?”

"Actually, later.  When I say oldies I mean stuff from the 60s, give or take."

“You like that stuff or just...happy memories?”

"Some of it's good.  I like classic rock the most, but my music collection has a bit of most stuff."

Duke nodded. “Prefer reading or TV or movies?”

"Reading and the occasional movie.  Never much got into TV. We didn't have cable when I was a kid so I never got into the habit."

“Yeah, same. Used to hide out in the library, read as much as I could. It was warm, could lose myself in fictional worlds.”

"Makes sense," Nathan said quietly, giving Duke's shoulder another squeeze.

Duke smiled softly. “So what do you read?”

"Sci-fi, historical fiction, some nonfiction.”

“Interesting mix…”

"What do you read?"

“A bit of everything. Lord of the Rings would be a favourite. Some French and Russian literature.”

"Translated, or in the original languages?"

“...Original languages.”

"That's really impressive!  I was never any good with languages."

“I wasn’t back in school but had to learn for...business purposes.  So French, Russian, Japanese, Mandarin, Spanish and Italian. And a tiny bit of Greek, Korean and Portuguese.”

"That's amazing!"

“Guess so…”

“You guess?  You speak ten languages!  Some of which are the hardest to learn!"

“When you put it like that…”

"You're amazing, Duke."

Duke laughed softly. “I'm really not.”

"You are, though."

“Thanks, Nate.”

"So it sounds like you maybe did a lot of traveling?" Nathan asked cautiously.

“Yeah, moving cargo.  Travelled all over.”

"Never did much travelling myself.  Tell me about some of the places you've been?"

“Well Russia’s cold.  Little tip, don’t get involved in drinking games that involve vodka and Russians.  Europe is...it’s old. Beautiful. So much history there. Jamaica is chilled, so laid back and warm and the beaches are breathtaking.  I wouldn’t recommend Thailand. Too humid, too full of tourists but Borneo...worth visiting if you ever get the chance. China has  _ the _ most amazing street food, especially if you get away from the tourist areas and find somewhere authentic.”

"That all sounds incredible."

“Yeah, it...it kinda was.”

"Maybe one day you can take Jean to those places, show her the world."

Duke smiled softly.  “I’d really like that.”

"She'd love it too, I'm sure.  And she wouldn't even have to leave her home, you'd just pull up anchor and every day or week, some new adventure."

“It’d be kinda cool, wouldn’t it?”

"It'd be wonderful." Nathan smiled.

Duke smiled back.  “Maybe one day, when she’s old enough to choose where she wants to go.”

"Smart," Nathan nodded.  "She'll appreciate world travel more as a teenager or young adult than a little kid."

“Yeah, although by the time she gets to that age, she won’t want to be spending her vacation time with her dad.  I’ll be like...fifty by then, I’ll be…. _ old.”   _

Nathan smiled softly.  "Something tells me she'll always love and want to spend time with her dad."

“I’d like to think so, but…”

"She will.  Trust me."

“Maybe…”

"If you're worried, you can take her when she's still a kid but an older kid.  Old enough to remember and appreciate, but not a pre-teen or teen."

Duke nodded.  “Gonna be fun working out the custody arrangements if I want to do something like that...we’d be gone for weeks.”

"Yeah.  But by then you'll have proven yourself an amazing dad, and maybe Jean will be considered old enough to have a say."

“Not sure about amazing but I hope I’m good enough that she enjoys spending time with me.”

"She'll love it, and you."

Duke smiled softly.  “Thanks, Nate.”

"You're amazing, and you'll be a wonderful dad, and you'll be so happy together."

“It's all I ever wanted. From the moment I found out Evi was pregnant, all I wanted was to be a good dad.”

"You are.  You'll be amazing.  You already are."

Duke shrugged. “I've missed a year of her life. Don't think that qualifies me as dad of the year.”

"Duke, her mom kidnapped her.  That's not your fault!"

“I could've done more. If I'd been nicer to Evi, she wouldn't've left, wouldn't've taken Jean with her. If I'd been a better husband, given her everything she wanted… If I hadn't stood up to her, we'd still be together and Jean would still have both her parents.”

"Duke.  Taking a child and running away is something that only two types of people do - abusers, or abusees.  And since you're not the abuser here, she is. What she did wasn't about what you did or didn't do. It was about punishing you for daring to not comply with all of her demands.  It was about control, and keeping it - over both you and Jean."

“She wasn't abus-” Duke started to say and cut himself off. “Sorry. Automatic response. Took me a long time to see what she was, longer still to realise I didn't deserve it and get the courage to tell her I wanted out. I was stupid, I didn't for a minute think she'd use Jean as a weapon like this but… I hadn't even finished speaking before she was screaming at me and packing all their stuff. I tried everything, pretty sure I got down on my knees and begged her not to go, didn't help. I'd already made her angry and she had to punish me. So she did.”

Nathan reached over and rubbed Duke's back.  "You weren't stupid for thinking a parent would love their child enough to prioritize what's best for them over using them as a weapon.  I'm so sorry she'd do that to the two of you."

“Thanks,” Duke said quietly, keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead of him.

"You're amazing, though, you know that?  You had the strength to recognize the abuse, to overcome the idea it was your fault, to get out of that toxic relationship - and I know you would have made arrangements for Jean too if you'd had any idea your ex could be that heartless.  What's more, you had a rough childhood and a less than legal lifestyle as a youth, but you overcame all that too and made something of yourself honestly. You have every right to be so proud of yourself - and even if you're not, I'm proud of you."

“Yeah, I…” Duke trailed off and, blinking furiously against the tears that were stinging his eyes, pulled off the road into a small parking area.

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to be painful." Nathan undid his seatbelt so he could reach over and pulled Duke into a hug as best he could.

Duke shook his head and buried his face in Nathan's neck.

Nathan reached down and undid Duke's seatbelt so he could pull him over into a proper hug, arms tight around him, rubbing Duke's back soothingly.

Duke clung to him, letting himself fall apart in Nathan's arms, the tears falling freely as sobs shook his whole body.

Nathan murmured soothingly, stroking his hair, patient while Duke cried.

Eventually the sobs subsided into sniffles and Duke lifted his head. “Sorry.”

"Sorry?  I'm the one who should be sorry.  I never meant to be so hurtful," Nathan said unhappily, gently wiping away Duke's tears with a corner of his sleeve.

“Hurtful? You weren't hurtful. I've...no one's ever acknowledged it before. No one's ever seen past my 'I'm fine’ bullshit. No one, literally no one, has ever said they're proud of me and it was just...a lot.”

Nathan hugged him tighter.  "I'm so sorry no one's ever said that to you before.  You should have gotten to hear that every step of the way."

“Yeah.” Duke let out a shaky breath.  “Thanks.”

Nathan softly kissed Duke's forehead.  "You deserved it. Every word was true."

Duke’s eyelids fluttered closed and his breath caught in his chest as he let himself accept Nathan’s gentle affection and kind words.

"You're a good man, Duke.  And to hell with everyone who never told you that."

Duke clung to him again.  “You’re amazing, Nate,” he mumbled into Nathan’s neck.

Nathan shook his head.  "Just saying what you should have been told a long time ago."

Duke pulled away with a soft laugh.  “Still amazing,” he said, running his sleeve across his eyes.  “Ok, I’m done embarrassing myself. You good to go?”

"I'm fine.  Are you okay, though?" Nathan brushed a lock of hair away from Duke's face.

Duke turned his face into Nathan’s hand and nodded, his eyes fluttering closed again.

Nathan brushed his thumb over Duke's cheek.  "Guessing not a lot of people have been gentle with you either," he said softly, his eyes sad.

“No…”

"I'm sorry about that too.  You deserve that."

Duke started to object and cut himself off.  “Thank you.”

Nathan smiled and regretfully withdrew his hand.  "Feeling better?"

“Yeah, I… I think I am.”

"Good." Nathan smiled.  He reached in the back and took one of the water bottles, offering it to Duke.  "Must be thirsty after that, don't want to get dehydrated."

Duke laughed softly.  “You have a point,” he said, opening the bottle and taking a long drink.

Nathan took another bottle and some napkins out of the glove compartment, wetting them down.  "Not the softest thing, but if you want to wipe your face it's the best we can do right now," he said apologetically.

“You-”  Duke took the napkins and leaned in to softly kiss Nathan’s cheek “-are the best.”

Nathan turned bright pink.  "Just trying to help."

Duke wiped his face with the damp napkins.  “You’re succeeding. Nathan, you’re taking care of me and that...that’s huge.  So thank you.”

"Everyone needs taking care of sometimes.  You deserve that too."

Duke checked his reflection in the rearview mirror and, satisfied that at least it wasn’t completely obvious he’d been crying, dropped the napkins into the rubbish bag, nodded and leaned across to kiss Nathan’s cheek again.  “Thank you.”

Nathan blushed all over again.  "Glad I could help."

“You did.  A lot.”

Nathan gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze before buckling back in.  "Glad you're feeling better."

Duke nodded, put his seatbelt on and pulled back onto the highway.  “Sorry, I’m...not exactly prone to meltdowns and that...I’m not exactly showing myself in the best light, am I?”

"Nothing wrong with that, Duke," Nathan said, gently but firmly.  "Better to show emotion openly than suppress it. The only people it shows in a bad light are the people in your life who never treated you right."

“No, I know, it’s just… Never mind.  You’re right.”

“I don't think less of you at all," Nathan said seriously.

“Good to know.  Not exactly my best seduction technique though, is it?  Get drunk, puke in front of you, cry twice, fall apart over some simple affection.  Yeah, I’m sure you think I’m a great catch,” Duke said, laughter in his voice.

Nathan chuckled.  "Look at it this way, you never have to worry that I'm interested in you because of some false front you put on to look better."

Duke laughed.  “Yeah, you...you have a point there.  You’ve seen the worst and if you decide to give me a chance, maybe you’ll see the best too.”

Nathan reached over and rested a hand on Duke's shoulder.  "Already have."

Duke glanced over, smiling softly.  “I can honestly say that you’re the nicest, kindest, most gentle and supportive person I’ve ever met.”

Nathan blushed deeply.  "Just trying to be a decent guy."

“You’re succeeding.  More than succeeding.”

"Thanks, Duke."

“Just being honest.”

Nathan smiled, and offered him a bar of chocolate from the bag of car snacks.

Duke grinned.  “Mind reading one of your many talents, then?”

Nathan smiled.  "Just figured that it's a good time for chocolate."

Duke nodded.  “Really, though, is there ever a  _ bad  _ time for chocolate?”

"Not for most folks."

“But for some people, there is?”

"Not much a fan of sweets, outside of pancakes."

“No?  So if I offered to make chocolate covered strawberries, that wouldn’t be your thing?”

Nathan turned slightly pink, a mental image of Duke sensuously feeding him those strawberries popping unbidden into his head.  "Well…"

Duke grinned.  “Oh, that tempts you, doesn’t it?”

"Might do," Nathan mumbled, feeling his ears burn.

“Good to know,” Duke said, filing the information away for later reference.

Nathan cleared his throat.  "What about you, got a sweet tooth?"

“For some things.  Chocolate. Waffles, obviously.  Desserts. But I prefer savoury pastries and I’m not big on candy or cakes.”

"Not a pie guy, huh?"

“I make a good one but not so keen on eating it.”

"Ah." Nathan seemed disappointed.

“Pie is another of your exceptions, right?”

"I can get behind a good fruit pie if it's not sickly sweet."

“So one with nice, tart apples?”

Nathan nodded.  "Or sour cherries.  Long as the fruit's the star of the show, and not sugar."

“I can work with that…”

"You don't have to make me pie, though.  Just to be clear."

Duke shrugged.  “I like cooking for people.”

"Would love to try your cooking.  I mean, I know your ideas are great but I don't know if I've had anything you've personally made."

“Come round for dinner?”

"I'd love to." Nathan smiled softly.

“Really?”  Duke’s face lit up.

"Absolutely," Nathan reassured him.

“I’d really like that…”

"It sounds wonderful," Nathan said honestly.

“Anything you can’t or don’t eat?”

"I'll eat anything, pretty much."

“Ok, sure I’ll come up with something you’ll like… Could maybe do tomorrow night?  If that’s not - oh god, that’s too soon isn’t it?”

"Hey, it's okay.  I'm gonna be over a lot this week helping you get ready anyhow.  We can do dinner after, one of those nights."

“Yeah, yeah, that’d be good…”

"Really looking forward to this.  You two will be so happy," Nathan's smile was faintly wistful.

“You sure you don’t mind coming with me to collect her on Friday?”

"Not a problem, honest."

“Good.  I think she’ll love meeting you.”

"I'll try not to look too scary." Nathan smiled.  "And I'll give you two as much privacy as possible.  I know this will be big, seeing each other after so long.  You deserve to have your space for that bonding time."

“Thanks, Nate.  It...it’s gonna be pretty huge…”

"I know.  And even though I'll be keeping my distance, if you need anything, anything at all, you have only to ask."

Duke smiled softly.  “Thank you. I keep saying that, but...I mean it.  Sincerely. Thank you.”

"It's what you and she deserve." Nathan smiled.

Duke nodded, unable to find the words to adequately express just how touched he was by how much Nathan cared.

Nathan settled back in his seat, content to relax and listen to the music as the rest of the miles spun by.

After a stop for dinner, they switched drivers again and eventually passed the Haven town sign.

“You know the small marina, just past the warehouses? That's where the Rouge is,” Duke said. “Mind dropping me there? Or anywhere near is fine.”

"I can drop you off at your dock.  You sure you got everything?" Nathan asked, heading in that direction.

“Yeah, just need to grab my bags out of the back and I'm all good.”

"Thanks for this.  It was nice to have a bit of an adventure instead of just staying home.  And thanks for covering food and gas and the hotel and all. I mean, I know I said you had to, but I think we're past that."

“Th- Nathan, you don't need to thank me for  _ anything.  _ At all. It should be - it should be me thanking you but...I don't know how to do that properly yet because just saying the words isn't enough for everything you've done.”

"It was the right thing to do," Nathan said quietly.  "I….don't take this the wrong way, but you remind me of my mom.  A loving parent trying desperately to get their child away from a bad situation.  How can I refuse to help you get her out of an abusive home, when someone did that for me when I was in the same situation?"

Duke nodded. “But you didn't know that when you first offered to help me…”

"True, but I still saw a loving parent trying desperately to keep their child as a part of their life.  What kind of heartless bastard would I be if I refused to help?"

“Maybe,” Duke allowed. “But you still saw past the drunk and argumentative passenger in front of you and made the time to find out more about me.”

"You were arguing and drunk because you were desperate.  Believe me, I've seen every variety of drunk and argumentative, from entitled assholes to folks like you, who just  _ need _ to be on that plane - sometimes literally as a matter of life and death.  I know the difference. Try to help the latter where I can."

“Nathan...I know you keep saying you're just trying to be a decent man and do what's right but I've gotta tell you… You're doing it. You  _ are  _ a decent man. A fucking amazing one, actually.”

"Thanks, Duke.  Feels like that just ought to be the standard.  Wish it were."

“I wish it was too but it isn't. So just accept the fact that you're amazing. Please.” Duke gave him his best puppy dog eyes.

"Give it my best shot," Nathan promised with a lopsided smile.

“I'll take that,” Duke said as they pulled onto the dock. “Oh, that's my ship, park up anywhere.”

Nathan looked up at the towering ship as he parked, a little worriedly.  It didn't look in the best of repairs.

“Ok, no, what is that look for?” Duke said.

"She looks like she could, uh....use a touch-up."

Duke couldn't help a soft huff of laughter. "Yeah, that's fair, the outside could use some attention. My efforts tend to be focussed on the interior."

Nathan nodded.  "Makes sense. Just thought it might help if you go back later to try for full custody."

“It might, but she's a safe ship, perfectly seaworthy even if she isn't pretty. Look, I know it's late and you probably want to get going but you're welcome to come in, put your mind at rest that I'm not completely insane bringing my daughter back to a great hulk of rust.”

"I trust you." Nathan smiled.  "And I'll see her interior soon enough.  Not to say I don't want to come in, but you're right, it's late and I'm pretty tired out."

"Ok, long as you aren't going to be up all night worrying about it," Duke said, jumping out of the Bronco to grab his bags.

Nathan looked embarrassed.  "Try not to."

"Good. So you, uh...you know where to find me..."

"Yeah.  Here, what's your number?  I'll text you so you have mine."

Duke reeled off his number so Nathan could add it into his phone.

A minute later his phone chirped with a text - "This is Nathan."

Duke smiled and quickly added Nathan as a new contact. "Got it, thanks."

"Great.  So, uh, just text me when you want me to come over and lend a hand tomorrow, okay?"

"Whenever you're ready. You don't - I know you said you were going to but you don't have to just because you said it."

"I want to. I mean, assuming you'd want that.  If I'm being weird and intrusive and this is your polite way of telling me to back off, I will.  Can understand if you saying you wanted to see me again was just... one of those things people say and don't mean."

"No," Duke said quickly. "No, it wasn't one of those things. I'd like to see you again, in whatever context that might be and I'd appreciate any help you want to offer. I just don't want you to feel obligated."

"Not a bit.  I'm honored that you'd let me help you get ready to bring Jean home," Nathan said quietly.

Duke smiled softly. "So, eleven tomorrow? That give you enough chance to rest?"

"Plenty, thanks.  I'll bring coffee."

"Coffee is good," Duke said, hoisting his bags onto his shoulder. "See you tomorrow and...thanks again for everything you've done."

"It was my pleasure. Sleep well."

"You too, Nate."

"Thanks." Nathan watched him board the ship and head into the cabin - just to make sure he got in all right, no other reason, of course.  He headed home to his quiet little house, feeling glad he'd had somewhere else to go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan helps Duke start getting ready for Jean to stay with him and they grow closer

Nathan boarded the Cape Rouge promptly at 11 the next morning, a tray of coffee in one hand and a bag with Duke's freshly laundered outfit in the other.  He regretted having to wash and return it - it was soft and warm and smelled like Duke.

"Morning," Duke said cheerfully when he opened the hatch. "Sleep ok?"

"Great, thanks.  You?"

"Yeah, fine, fine, c'mon in."

Nathan stepped inside, heading into the living quarters, and blinked as the powerful smell of whiskey hit him.  He realized abruptly that Duke smelled of it too - he didn't know how he'd missed that.

"Something wrong?"

"Duke, are you okay?" Nathan asked gently.

"I'm fine, why?"

"Duke... The whole place smells like whiskey."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I thought... If it's here, it's gonna tempt me to drink it, it does that, so I'm tipping it down the sink. All of it. Well, apart from a couple decent bottles that are too good to waste. I'm giving those to a friend."

Nathan beamed.  "So proud of you, Duke."

Duke smiled softly. "Thanks. Not gonna lie, last night was tough but...it's something I have to do."

"You're so strong to be able to do that," Nathan gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze.

Duke nodded. "Yeah, maybe. Let me - let me finish up these last few bottles, open the windows, let the place air out a bit."

"Sounds great.  What can I start in on?"

"...I haven't thought that far ahead..."

"Need coffee first?" Nathan smiled.

"Something like that."

Nathan handed over a cup.  "Got a list of what needs doing?"

"Thanks. No, not yet, it's all in my head, haven't started writing it down yet."

"Once you're done with the alcohol, we should start there,” Nathan suggested.

"Yeah, make a list, get a plan together... Ok, gimme a minute, won't take me long," Duke said, sipping his coffee as he went into the kitchen to finish emptying bottles down the sink. He was back a few minutes later with a notepad and pen and gestured to Nathan to sit down on the couch.

Nathan made himself comfortable.  "This is a really nice place," he said appreciatively.

"Thanks." Duke smiled warmly. "Bit of a contrast to how she looks from the outside."

"Yeah, sure is."

"This is just the main living area, then there's a den with a squashy couch, tons of pillows and blankets, huge TV. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a playroom, several rooms just for storage..."

"That's amazing."

"Did you spot the play area on the deck as well? It's not huge but I put AstroTurf down, built a little sandpit, there's a table and chairs."

"I did, it's adorable," Nathan smiled.

Duke smiled softly.  "She used to love playing up there.  Hope she still does."

"I'm sure she will. And I'm impressed - I can't imagine even trying to child-proof this place."

"Wasn't easy.  We -  _ I _ \- started as soon as she was born, took ages to make all the modifications."

"I bet. At least you had a year or so before she was mobile."

"Took me nearly that long but it was a relief once it was all done."

"I can only imagine." Nathan nodded.

"So now I just need to get her room ready, buy new clothes and toys and stuff," Duke said, starting to make a list.

Nathan nodded. "You know her clothing size?"

"Yeah, Evi's mom was reasonably cooperative after the hearing, even though Evi refused to speak to me.  She let me know a few details like clothing and shoe size, the sort of toys she likes playing with at the moment, a couple things she won't eat, and a few that she loves."

"That's great, it will really help," Nathan smiled.

"It'll make things a bit easier.  Gonna need to book a cab back from the airport which means I'll need a car seat..."

"Could pick you up. We could get a car seat in the back of the Bronco, even if it won't fit in your truck."

"Nate...I - I can't keep asking you to do stuff for me."

Nathan shrugged. "You need a car you can put a car seat in. I have one. Just till you have a chance to get something else."

"Guess it would be kinda stupid, I mean, you're gonna be coming back to Haven from the airport anyway... You sure you don't mind, though?"

“It's no problem, honest."

"You...are the best," Duke said, smiling warmly.

"It's just sense. No point driving separately when we live so close."

"Yeah, true.  But still. You're awesome and I wanted you to know that."

"You're sweet."

"Honest," Duke said firmly, scribbling more things down on his list.

"Also sweet." Nathan smiled.

"Fine, fine, I'm sweet.  Don't tell anyone."

"You got it." Nathan grinned.

Duke grinned back.  "Ok, so, clothes and shoes, toys, redecorate her bedroom, car seat, book flights, food shopping, reschedule things at the Gull so I'm not needed.  What am I forgetting?"

"Stroller? Or is she too old for that? Oh, did you round up the photos to copy?"

"...Stroller," Duke said, writing it down.  "And yes," he added, passing Nathan a handful of photos.

"These are great," Nathan said softly, flipping through them.

"Yeah..."

"I can do some really fun things with these. Tell me about her, the stuff she likes and doesn't like."

"She likes drawing and reading and she laughs.  All the time. She never cried when she was a baby, it was always this little soft giggle and she's - she's so  _ precious.  _  From the moment I first saw her, I wanted to protect her from the world..."  Duke trailed off.

Nathan smiled. "And soon you can."

Duke nodded.  “And animals. She loves animals.  God, Nate...what if she’s changed? It’s been  _ a year,  _ I feel like I don’t know her at all.”

Nathan moved to the other side of the table to put an arm around Duke's shoulders.  "Then you'll get to fall in love with your little princess all over again."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I just...what if she doesn't even remember me?"

"Then she'll learn to love you all over again."

Duke nodded and leaned into Nathan's contact.

"You're really brave," Nathan said softly.

"I'm really not."

"Yeah, you are.  I can only imagine how nerve wracking this must be, but you're doing it anyway."

"Like you said, she's my princess and I've let her down too much already. Not gonna do it again."

"You didn't let her down.  You fought tooth and nail to get her back."

"I let her down by letting her go in the first place..."

"You didn't know.  You couldn't have."

"Could've guessed."

"You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.  It's easy to say in hindsight 'I should have known' but the truth is no, you shouldn't have and couldn't have.  And I know that doesn't really help, but for what it's worth, it's true."

"Yeah, I know. Logically I know that."

"But knowing doesn't help, I know." Nathan pulled him into a hug.

Duke hugged him back, tightly, just for a minute before he pulled away. "Anyway, enough self pity. You've kindly come over to help me with stuff so...should probably think about getting started."

"Yeah. Where do you want to start?"

"I...have no idea."

"Why not start with the big things?  We can always squeeze in a last minute shopping trip, we can't squeeze in a last minute room remodel."

"Yeah, and flights and a car seat. Those are the most important, getting her back here, that's the most important."

"True.  We can always finish up once she's here if we have to.  I'll go ahead and book the flights." Nathan pulled out his phone.

Impulsively, Duke kissed his cheek. "Thanks. I'll research car seats."

Nathan blushed handsomely.  "Right."

Duke smiled and pulled out his phone to start looking at car seat reviews and safety specifications.

Neither task took long, and after a few questions about flight times, Nathan settled in to sketch ideas for the 'adventures’.

Duke idly browsed colour schemes and looked for decorating inspiration but he was mostly peering over Nathan's shoulder to see what he was drawing. "You're really talented," he said quietly.

Predictably, Nathan blushed.  "It's not much, just some rough sketches to get an idea of the layout."

"...If those are your rough sketches, I can't wait to see the finished thing."

"It's mostly going to be pictures."

"It'll be amazing."

"Honest, I'm just hoping it won't be crap. Does she like princesses and unicorns and stuff?"

"It won't be crap. Yeah, she does. And Peppa Pig."

Nathan smiled.  "I can work with that."

"You're amazing," Duke said softly.

"Always wanted to try a project like this," Nathan said, the wistful look returning.

"You want kids of your own?"

"Wanted.  Sure as hell not looking likely."

Duke nodded and squeezed his shoulder.

"I gave up a while back, once it became obvious I was a failure at dating."

"They were idiots," Duke said quietly. "The people you dated, the ones who couldn't see how amazing you are."

"Sweet of you to say."

"Just the truth. You deserve better than someone who couldn't see your worth."

"You do too, Duke," Nathan said softly.

Duke nudged his shoulder affectionately. “Stop deflecting.”

Nathan looked sheepish.  "Anyway, it doesn't matter.  Can't have kids if I can't get a girl.  And I know, adoption is a thing, but they don't really go for single dads, you know?"

“No, I know but there's surrogacy or same-sex couples can adopt. You don't - you don't have to be in a relationship that isn't right for you to be able to adopt.”

"Or a relationship, period, like anyone could put up with me long enough to adopt."

“That's...Put up with you? Why would - why would you think someone would have to  _ put up with you?  _ As opposed to someone loving you and wanting to be with you.”

"Well, I can't even manage the former, so how can I expect the latter?" Nathan gave him a self-deprecating smile.

Duke threw his arms around Nathan and dragged him into a hug. “You don't have to love yourself to be loved and cared about. You're - you are worth loving, whether you believe it or not.”

Nathan hugged back tightly.  "Thanks Duke," he said, his voice thick.  "Know it's deflecting but you are too. I mean that."

Duke said nothing, just held tighter, nuzzling slightly into Nathan's neck.

"You're a good man, Duke.  No matter what anyone else has or hasn't told you, it's true.  You're kind and selfless and strong."

"Right back at ya, Nate," Duke said softly. "Best man I ever met."

"Wish you'd met better people, Duke.  You deserve that."

"So do you. Anyone who's made you feel like you aren't worth loving...they don't deserve you."

Nathan hugged tighter.  "Wasn't their fault. I wasn't a good boyfriend."

"Pretty sure the problem was them, not you."

Nathan smiled crookedly.  "All of them? Odds are a lot better it was the one thing they all had in common.  Me."

Duke pulled away and cupped Nathan's cheek in his hand. "You said it yourself, failed relationships with women because you didn't know men were an option. That doesn't make you a shitty boyfriend. At all."

Nathan closed his eyes and leaned into Duke's touch.  "I tried. I really did. I cared about them, wanted to be good to them, wanted them to be happy."

"I know," Duke said softly. "You did the best you could and it's not your fault that you were still working out your sexuality and things didn't work out for that reason."

"It's not just that, though.  I was stupid, never knew what they meant or what they wanted, just like I never know what people mean.  I was cold and stiff - I could have loved them, even if I could never have wanted them. But I didn't. I failed them."

"You're not stupid. They never learned to communicate with you. Everyone communicates differently and they didn't learn to speak your language. That. Is. Not. Your. Fault. And as for cold and stiff...can't say I'm seeing any evidence of that."

Nathan looked sheepish.  "It's different with you," he mumbled.  "Feel comfortable around you. I never feel comfortable around people."

Duke smiled softly. "I'm really glad I make you feel like that."

"You do.  You're patient when I don't get things, you don't make me feel stupid for it, you say things straight out so I can understand."

"Yeah, that's what I meant about someone learning to speak your language. And anyone who's been impatient or made you feel stupid...they're assholes."

"They're not," Nathan protested.  "Anyone would get frustrated with me."

"Uh, why? Getting frustrated with people just means you failed them in some way and can't handle your own guilt about that."

"That's... That's not what that means."

"No? What does it mean then?"

"People get frustrated with me because I'm being frustrating."

"Nope, people get frustrated with you because you don't fit into their neat little box of how people should behave, understand, learn, communicate, whatever."

"That's certainly true," Nathan mumbled.

"So people get pissed that you don't react in the way they expect when the problem is with them for not accepting you the way you are."

"Not their fault I'm not normal," Nathan protested.

"What the fuck's normal anyway? You don't have to fit into those boxes to be loved and accepted and for people to be kind to you instead of getting frustrated with you."

"You're a good man, Duke," Nathan said softly.

"I have my moments," Duke said, squeezing Nathan tighter for a moment before he let go.

Nathan reluctantly let go as well, sitting up straight.

"Should probably think about getting to the hardware store if I want to paint today..."

"Yeah.  We doing anything more in there, or just painting?"

"Just paint, I think. Unless you have any other ideas..."

"Nothing major."

"Want to come with? We could grab lunch while we're out?"

"Sounds good," Nathan smiled.

"Great," Duke said, pulling on a pair of shoes. "Where would you like to go? Preferably not the Gull because I'll get sucked into doing stuff and end up there all afternoon."

"Fair enough. You can pick - you have good taste. I'd just bring us somewhere that has pancakes."

"Hey, if you want pancakes, I can just pick up the ingredients and make them when we get back..."

"But then what would you eat?" Nathan tried to hide how much the idea appealed to him.

"...Pancakes.  I do eat them, even if I prefer waffles."

"You probably don't really want pancakes for lunch though."

"...We're having pancakes for lunch."

Nathan beamed. "Thanks, Duke. Rather try your cooking than a restaurant anyhow."

"No problem.  Ready to go?"

"Sure am."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, decorating turns into kissing. However did that happen?!

Two hours later, they were back on the Rouge with tins of paint and ingredients for pancakes.

"Won't take me long, make yourself comfortable," Duke said.

"Could set the table," Nathan offered.

"That'd be helpful, thanks."

Nathan smiled and set about his task. "Could do the dishes, too."

"...Would you?"

"Course. One cooks, one cleans."

Duke smiled softly.  "Sounds like a good arrangement."

"Yeah." Nathan smiled back. "If your cooking is even half as good as what I got at the Grey Gull, I’d wash a mountain of dishes for it."

"I'll try to keep the dishes to a sinkful, not a mountain," Duke promised.

"No need to worry on my account. Happy to help.'

"Thanks, Nate," Duke said, beginning to make the pancakes

Nathan dared to lean over and kiss Duke's cheek.

Duke smiled softly, his eyes closing for a split second before he resumed making pancakes.

Nathan grinned foolishly to himself as he set the table.

It didn't take Duke long to whip up a batch of pancakes which he set on the table along with a bottle of maple syrup.

"They smell amazing," Nathan said eagerly

"Dig in," Duke said, pushing the bottle of syrup in Nathan's direction.

Nathan happily did so, closing his eyes blissfully at the first bite.

"Good?"  Duke said softly.

" _ So _ good. And I know good pancakes."

Duke grinned happily and started eating his own.

Nathan devoured his serving in record time and went back for seconds after only a brief hesitation.

When they'd finished, Duke dumped the plates in the sink and sat back down with a pot of freshly brewed coffee.

Nathan was as good as his word, promptly getting up to do the dishes.

"They can wait til later," Duke said, pouring out two mugs of coffee.

"S'fine, won't take more'n a minute."

"Ok.  Coffee's ready when you're done."

"Thanks." Nathan smiled softly.

Duke nodded and tried not to watch Nathan being so comfortably  _ domestic _ in his kitchen.

Once the dishes were done, Nathan came over to happily settle down with Duke.

Duke smiled softly.  "Thanks for doing that."

"Was glad to help out. Wouldn't feel right if I didn't."

"Still.  Thanks," Duke said, sliding a mug of coffee across the table.

Nathan took an appreciative sip. "Good coffee, too."

"Yeah, no, you won't find bad coffee in this house."

"You should see the stuff in the break room. Pretty sure it's technically tar.”

"...I can imagine.  I don't want to, but I can imagine."

"I'd heard coffee called bean juice in jest, but this was the first time it tasted that way."

"Ok, no, I don't want to know any more," Duke said, laughing slightly.

"Fair enough," Nathan grinned.

"What time do you need to be outta here?"

Nathan shrugged. "No particular time."

"Mind giving me a hand with some painting in a bit?"

"That's what I'm here for, right?"

"Still polite to ask.  I can make dinner later...if you don't have other plans."

"That sounds amazing," Nathan said softly.

Duke grinned happily.  "Settled then. We'll paint, then I'll cook."

"Couldn't ask for a better day."

Duke’s smile turned a little sad.  “Once things settle down, I’d really like to take you out for a proper day out.  Not helping me with stuff. Take a ride down the coast, picnic on the beach...I dunno, whatever you’d like to do.”

"That sounds really nice. But you don't have to feel like this sort of thing isn't good enough. I like quiet days in."

"I like quiet days in but this isn't a quiet day in, this is helping me with stuff and that's - that's not the same."

"I like helping you with stuff though."

"And I appreciate it.  More than I could ever say.  Just want you to know you don't  _ have _ to, I'm not - I enjoy your company, I don't want to spend time with you  _ only _ because you're helping me."

Nathan smiled softly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

Duke's answering smile was just as soft as he leaned in to return the gesture.

Nathan let himself enjoy it for moment before reluctantly pulling away. "Let's get some plastic put down."

"Yeah, I need to dig out my painting stuff from storage..."

"Need help with that? Or rather I work on getting the room ready?"

"Could you start on the room?  It's just down the corridor on the right."

"I'll get it done," Nathan promised.

"Thanks, Nate." Duke smiled, heading off to the lower deck to find his decorating equipment.

Nathan watched him go before turning to head down the corridor.

Twenty minutes later, Duke hauled a large box in through the doorway of Jean's bedroom.  His shirt was tied around his waist, dust clung to his white tank and small droplets of sweat ran down his face.  He put the box down and ran his hands through his hair, retying it more securely. "Remind me to not bury the paintbrushes under boxes and boxes of utter crap next time."

"I... right," Nathan managed, utterly failing in his attempt not to stare.

Duke grinned and stretched very deliberately so his tank rode up.

Nathan swallowed hard.

Still moving deliberately, Duke turned and bent over to box to start pulling out all the various tools they were going to need for painting.

Nathan bit back a whine.

Duke took his time pulling out all the paintbrushes and rollers and trays.  "Could you pass me the paint?" he said when he finally stood up again.

Nathan quickly looked away, hoping that he wasn't embarrassing himself.

Smiling softly, Duke crossed the room and bent over to pick up the tins of paint that were right by Nathan's feet, allowing his hair to barely brush Nathan's arm as he stood up.

"Duke..."

"Nathan..."

"Nothing," Nathan mumbled. Duke probably didn't even realize. Probably would think Nathan was a perv.

"Nothing?" Duke almost sounded disappointed.

"Yeah." Nathan shifted awkwardly.

"Ok," Duke said easily, stepping out of Nathan's space.

Nathan sighed, equally disappointed.

Duke turned away and got on with pouring paint into trays, then passed Nathan a brush.

"Thanks," Nathan said, getting to work.

Working close to Nathan, Duke started rolling paint onto the wall, moving with long, smooth strokes.

Nathan worked at a bit, then looked over at Duke. A slow smile spread over his face.

Duke glanced at him.  "Ok, no, what is that smile for?"

Nathan gave him an innocent look - before reaching out to tag his bare arm with the brush.

"Oh, oh we're playing that game are we?"  Duke laughed and swiped the roller at Nathan, just catching his hand.

Nathan managed to swipe the brush across Duke's shoulder before suggesting "truce while we take it on deck?"

"Ok, ok, truce," Duke said, lowering the roller.

Nathan grinned and gave him one more swipe before fleeing for the hatch.

"You bastard!" Duke called after him, laughing as he followed.

Nathan chuckled to himself, turning at bay to confront Duke once he made it to the deck.

Brandishing the roller, Duke flew out of the hatch and launched himself at Nathan.

Nathan caught Duke in his arms and they wrestled to the deck, Nathan managing a large swipe down Duke's cheek.

Laughing, Duke turned them over so he was on top of Nathan and wiped a small smudge of paint onto his nose.

Nathan wrinkled his nose, running the brush down Duke's arm.

Duke abandoned the roller and plucked the brush out of Nathan's hand.  "Ok, truce for real now," he said, breathing hard, his face just inches from Nathan's.

"Yeah okay." Nathan's gaze focused on Duke's mouth.

Duke made a soft sound and, moving slowly enough that Nathan had time to stop him, closed the gap between them to gently press his lips to Nathan’s.

Nathan's eyes fell closed and he couldn't stop himself from returning the kiss, slow and gentle.

The paintbrush clattered to the floor and Duke brought his hand up to rest on the side of Nathan's neck as they kissed.

Nathan made a soft sound against Duke's lips, his arms going around Duke's waist.

Duke kept kissing him, soft and sweet, until he drew away with a quiet sigh, stood up and offered Nathan his hand.

"That was….you are...I mean…." Nathan stumbled over his words, blushing.

Duke smiled softly and waited until Nathan was on his feet again before he leaned in and brushed his lips across Nathan's, just once.

Nathan leaned in, his hand curling around the nape of Duke's neck to keep him close, drawing the kiss out.  "...a really good kisser," he murmured when their lips parted.

“So are you,” Duke murmured into Nathan's ear.

Nathan shivered a little at the warm breath on his skin, fighting the urge to kiss Duke again, to take things further.

Duke held him close, his cheek resting against Nathan's, his eyes closed.

Nathan wrapped his arms around Duke again, pulling him close.  "You're so amazing," he murmured.

“So're you,” Duke murmured back. “Sorry. For, uh... springing that on you.”

"If anything, I should be apologizing to you.  You definitely don't need to be saying sorry."

"Wh- why would you think you have to apologise?"

"I don't want to take advantage of you," Nathan murmured, stroking Duke's hair.

"...I kissed you, I don't think you're the one taking advantage here."

"I let you.  I just... I know that being in a bad relationship, the damage that does doesn't go away overnight.  My father was so patient with my mother, waited for her to heal, to be able to stand on her own and stay strong, before he brought romance into it.  Not that I think you're weak or anything, I just, I want to be that way for you."

"Thanks," Duke murmured. "It's been a year, though. I've done a lot of healing in that time and I'll happily admit there's still a long way to go but...I'm ok and I wouldn't've kissed you if I thought I wouldn't be."

Nathan cupped Duke's cheek in his hand.  "So it's not bad if I want to kiss you again?"

Duke nuzzled against Nathan's hand. "Definitely not bad."

Nathan leaned in, pressing another soft kiss to Duke's lips.

Duke kissed him back, his arms around Nathan's waist to hold him close.

"God, I could do that all day." Nathan sighed blissfully when they pulled apart.

Duke laughed softly. "I could too..."

"Too bad we can't." Nathan sighed, though he made no move to pull away from Duke.

Duke murmured wordless agreement and reluctantly released Nathan.

"We should get cleaned up," Nathan said sheepishly.

"Unless you want to spend the rest of the day covered in pink paint..." Duke grinned.

“Not my best look.”

"Not mine either. Although... we're probably gonna end up covered in more paint before we finish decorating anyway..."

“Yeah, but still."

“Still… C'mon, I'll show you where the bathroom is.”

"Thanks.  If it were summer I'd say we should just hose off up here, but..."

"...Yeah, no, that would be cold and I don't like being cold."

"It's not much fun," Nathan agreed.

"Definitely not," Duke said, leading Nathan back inside and towards the bathroom. "Want some fresh clothes?"

"Thanks, but if we're doing more painting I'll just ruin them."

"True, true. I'll uh, leave you to it. Soaps and stuff are...and towels..." Duke said, pointing them out.

“Thanks, Duke." Nathan smiled.

Duke gave him a soft smile, let out an awkward laugh and went to the other bathroom to wash off the worst of the paint from their fight. He was already back in Jean's bedroom and painting again by the time Nathan came in.

Nathan watched him for a moment, a fond smile curving his lips.

"Hey," Duke called back over his shoulder.

"Hey." Nathan came over and gave Duke's cheek a kiss before getting back to work.

Duke leaned into Nathan's brief contact, smiling softly as he resumed painting.

Nathan tried not to think about how natural it had felt, how comfortable and relaxed and happy he was simply spending time with Duke painting a room.

Duke's thoughts followed a similar train and, as engrossed in  _ not thinking _ those thoughts as he was, the painting didn't take long at all.

Nathan looked around with a smile when they finished.  "Job well done. This'll look great once we get the tape and plastic taken down."

"Yeah, it will," Duke said quietly. "Thanks for helping."

"Was my pleasure," Nathan said earnestly.

Duke leaned in to kiss his cheek. "You made it fun."

"Could say the same for you.  Never thought I'd enjoy painting so much."

"I hate painting. So thanks, for...making me not hate it."

"Glad I could make it better.  Amazing how things are so much better with company."

"Yeah, they really are. Speaking of, didn't I promise you dinner?"

"You don't have to.  I mean, dinner would be great but you're not obligated."

Duke gave him a look. "I know I'm not obligated, I want to."

"I'm just saying," Nathan mumbled sheepishly.  "Don't want you feeling like you owe me."

"I don't feel like that. I like cooking, I especially like cooking for people I care about."

"You're really sweet," Nathan said quietly.  "A great cook, too."

"Thanks," Duke said softly, deciding that arguing would be pointless.

Nathan leaned in to softly kiss him.

Duke sighed happily against Nathan's lips.

Nathan wrapped his arms around Duke, pulling him close.

Duke all but melted into his contact, still kissing him, slowly and gently.

Nathan reached up to undo Duke's hair tie, running his fingers though the soft dark hair.

Duke broke the kiss to angle his head into Nathan's touch, his eyes closed, quiet and trusting.

"You're so beautiful," Nathan said softly, still stroking Duke's hair.

Duke laughed softly. "Can't say I've ever been called that before. Handsome, maybe. Striking, yes. Beautiful...no."

"You are though.  Sorry if that's bad."

"It's not bad," Duke said quietly. "Not at all."

Nathan looked relieved, and leaned in for another kiss.

Duke kissed him back, more passionately this time.

Nathan whined against Duke's mouth, allowing him entrance.

Duke let his tongue wander into Nathan's mouth, just for an instant before he pulled away to murmur, "god, Nate..."

Nathan closed his eyes at the sheer  _ want _ in Duke's voice.  "If we don't stop now, not sure I can," he admitted.

"...I don't want to stop..."

"Me neither," Nathan admitted.  "But we've known each other for... what, 72 hours?  I'm just...It's a bit...I don't want to scare you off.  You're worth waiting for."

Duke rested his hands on Nathan's shoulders and leaned in to kiss his forehead. "You won't scare me off but I don't want to rush you. There's no pressure here."

Nathan hugged him.  "Thank you," he said softly.  "S'not that I don't want you, trust me on that.  More like... little scared of how much I do. Feels like if you knew the kind of mushy nonsense going on inside my head, you'd run screaming."

"Pretty sure I wouldn't," Duke said softly.

Nathan rested his head on Duke's shoulder.  "You're a great guy, Duke. I don't want to screw this up.  If we jumped into bed and it was too soon, I'd never forgive myself.  You're worth more than that."

Duke nuzzled into his hair. "You're worth more than that too and - ok, maybe I need to say this, maybe I don't, but... I don't want it to be  _ just that. _ I think...I think we could really have something and I don't want to screw it up either. So if you want to wait, we'll wait."

Nathan hugged him fiercely tight.  "I want more too," he said softly. "You're amazing and I don't want this to be just a fling.  Thank you for understanding. And sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry," Duke said, hugging Nathan tightly.

"Did warn you I was bad at this." Nathan gave him a crooked smile.

"...You keep saying that but honestly...? I don't see it. You're communicating, setting boundaries, being open and honest and physically affectionate and I don't see how that's being bad at this."

Nathan turned pink, but all he said was "’Cause we didn't keep going."

Duke hugged him tightly. "No. No, you're not - not wanting to have sex, or anything else for that matter, does not, in any way, make you bad at romance."

"Thank you," Nathan said softly.  "Won't be any good at it if we do, anyhow."

"I'm pretty sure you would be. Doesn't matter if you aren't."

"Wish I could be.  Would want it to be good for you." Nathan nuzzled Duke's cheek.

Duke closed his eyes, relaxed under Nathan's soft affection. "I think the fact you  _ want _ it to be good would make it good and I mean it, it doesn't matter if it isn't because we just...practice more. Until it  _ is _ good. Get to know each others bodies and what works and what doesn't. Amazing sex right from the start... kinda doesn't happen."

"It doesn't?" Nathan asked, surprised.

"Nope. Good sex needs open, honest communication, everyone is different, everyone has different needs, different preferences and it's difficult to learn all of those things in one night."

"Didn't know that," Nathan admitted.

“Trust me, those amazing one night stands you hear about? Bullshit. Literally, a one in a million chance that you'll hook up with someone you're  _ that compatible  _ with without needing to put any effort in.”

"So everyone's just lying, huh?"

“Yeah. I mean, there's a certain amount of bravado to it, because who wants to admit they had crap sex? But also there's a lot of...a lot of the assholes who lie about how good a one night stand was….they wouldn't actually know good sex if it slapped them round the face. They think good sex is an orgasm and no complaints which… No.”

"So more like, the men are either lying or dumb, and women quietly complain to each other because their partners never listen?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it."

"... Somehow I'm not surprised."

Duke nodded. "So yeah, first time...doesn't have to be  _ good _ , no point pressuring yourself over it."

"Guess so.  Can't say I really get the ones who aren't interested in making the person they're with feel good.  Isn't that the whole point? If the end goal is just an orgasm, that's what jerking off is for."

"Exactly, exactly. The whole point of sex is... It's mutual pleasure, connection, making each other feel good."

Nathan nodded.  "Yeah, that's what I always thought."

"And those things can take time to develop or to learn and there's just so much bullshit about being  _ good _ when to be good...you just have to listen and be willing to adapt what you're doing to your partner's needs. It's not...it's not  _ difficult _ ."

"Probably would be for me," Nathan said glumly.  "But I would try. Would listen, and watch, and try to learn.  Try to find all the places you like best, all the ways you want to be touched - and the ones you don't, to avoid them.  I’d at least try to make you feel good."

Duke smiled softly. "I'd really like that. And just for the record, I know what I like and I'm more than comfortable asking for it, you wouldn't be...you wouldn't be learning on your own."

Nathan looked distinctly relieved.  "That's really good to know. Because I, I do want to.  Try, I mean. Just... not too fast."

"No pressure here, Nate. Never is fine too. Just putting your mind at rest that if and when you want to, there're no expectations."

"You're wonderful," Nathan said softly, leaning in for a kiss.

"Nope, just a - how did you put it? - a decent guy."

"Well I think you're wonderful."

"I think you're pretty great too," Duke said, nuzzling into Nathan's hair.

Nathan sighed happily, content to simply remain in Duke's arms - at least, until his stomach grumbled.

Duke laughed softly. "Let me go and - I'll go get dinner started."

"Sorry, didn't mean to ruin the mood," Nathan said sheepishly, tagging along after him.

"You didn't," Duke said, rummaging through the fridge in search of ingredients. "What would you like? Can throw together a pasta Alfredo or a simple mac and cheese or a quick paella."

"I bet anything you make will be great," Nathan beamed.

Duke laughed again. "Yeah, probably but I'm asking what you'd like."

"... I do like alfredo," Nathan admitted.

"So do I. Want to grab a beer, make yourself at home? Won't take me long."

"Water's fine," Nathan said, not wanting to drink alcohol in front of him.

"Sure? Can probably dig up some soda if you'd prefer that?"

Nathan shrugged.  "Anything's fine. M' not fussy."

Duke nodded and poured Nathan a drink of orange juice mixed with Sprite. "That ok?"

"Would never have thought of that." Nathan took a sip.  "It's good, I like it."

Duke grinned. "Good."

"Can't wait for dinner." Nathan smiled.

Duke kissed his cheek and starting cooking with his usual whirlwind of activity until he set two steaming plates of pasta on the table and sat down.

"Love watching you cook," Nathan said admiringly.  "So confident and skilled, it's like a dance."

Duke smiled softly. "Thanks."

"Also, if this tastes even half as good as it smells, I'll be ruined for all other pasta forever."

Duke laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that..."

Nathan took a bite and his expression went blissful.  "Worth it."

"Glad you're enjoying it..."

"You're an incredible cook."

"Thank you," Duke said softly.

"Seriously, I don't know where you learned but I want to go there.  And never leave."

"Here and there, while I was travelling. When the work dried up, I'd pick up shifts in whatever restaurant was hiring. Learned a lot."

"Must be better than all of them now." Nathan beamed proudly.

"Not sure about that but I'll take the compliment," Duke said, smiling.

"Don't sell yourself short.  Far as I'm concerned you’re a culinary genius."

"You're sweet. I'm not, though. I can just make good, fairly simple, food that people like to eat."

"That's something really special, though," Nathan said quietly.  "I remember my mom cooking for us, family meals were some of the happiest times I ever had.  She always said it tasted good because it was made with love, and that was... it was true. After we lost her, the chief - my father - he tried.  Always insisted we have dinner together, every single night. But it was never the same, sitting across the table making stilted conversation over frozen dinners or takeout."

Duke took Nathan's hand and gave it a squeeze. "No, it's not the same as sharing a meal that someone's prepared for you."

Nathan squeezed his hand in turn.  "So yeah, this is... Don't ever think this isn't special," he told Duke, his voice a little thick.

"I won't," Duke promised.

"You're gonna be a great dad.  Jean's gonna be so happy."

"Oh god I hope so. Just can't help thinking that... she's been with Evi for so long now...she's probably gonna be so happy when I take her home again because me...this place...it's not home for her anymore."

Nathan squeezed Duke's hand, rubbing his thumb over the back.  "If it's not, it will be. Chances are she remembers this place, she'll know, wherever you are, that's home."

"Yeah, I mean, she'll get used to having two homes. I just...is it selfish that I hope she prefers staying with me over living with Evi?"

"No.  Given Evi's history of abuse, absolutely not."

Duke nodded, picking at his food.

"She'll love it here.  Even if it takes time, she will."

"Every other weekend, though...it doesn't give her much time to grow to love it."

"I know it feels that way, but she will."

"Guess so," Duke said, managing a small smile.

Nathan got up, shifting over to Duke's side of the table so he could put an arm around him.  "I know words don't really help. Sorry."

Duke leaned into Nathan's contact. “They help, I'm just… I'm stuck on how much it's gonna break my heart every time I have to take her back to Evi like...like I'm  _ borrowing  _ her for the weekend and I don't know what would be worse - if she runs off happily to be with her mom or if she clings to me because she doesn't want to leave.”

Nathan hugged him tighter.  "Can only imagine how rough it'll be," he said softly.

“Definitely gonna be rough,” Duke said, not quite able to hide the waver in his voice.

"I know," Nathan murmured, rubbing his back gently.

Duke let out a deep sigh and pulled away. "Sorry. Finish your dinner, didn't mean for this conversation to take a dark turn."

Nathan pulled him close again, hugging tight before letting go.  "It's okay. You needed to let it out."

"Yeah. Might be a lot of that to come," Duke said ruefully.

"That's okay.  This whole thing is intense."

Duke nodded and started picking at his food again. "It is and I feel like...it's not fair to keep dumping it on you."

"You're not dumping anything.  You need a friend. Friends listen."

Duke nodded again. "Just friends?"

Nathan blushed.  "I mean...more than that.  Or hoping so. Just. Friends when it comes to listening."

“Yeah, that - that'd be good…”

Nathan kissed his forehead.  "I'm here for you. When you need to talk, I'll listen."

Duke closed his eyes. "Thanks Nate. And, uh... likewise..."

"Thanks." Nathan gave him one more kiss before going back to his dinner.

"Do you have plans for tonight?" Duke asked hesitantly.

"No plans all week," Nathan admitted, looking embarrassed about it.  "Don't take much vacation, wasn't sure what to do with myself."

"Want to stick around, watch a movie or something?"

"That sounds really nice, I'd love to."

Duke smiled and started eating his dinner instead of picking at it. "Anything in particular you'd like to watch?"

"Not especially.  What's good?"

"We'll have a look after dinner."

"Sounds good.  What kind of movies do you like?"

"Mostly sci fi or fantasy. Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, MCU stuff."

"Cool.  Will give that a try."

"Can always watch some TV if that'd be better..."

"Movie's fine, got no problems with that.  Don't tend to watch much, is all. No surprise, probably."

"I don't either. Usually just when I can't sleep."

"That's rough," Nathan said sympathetically.  "Happen a lot?"

"Too often." Duke smiled wryly.

"Sorry to hear it."

"Thanks. Used to be I'd sit up with a movie and a bottle of something strong, crash out around four or five in the morning. Not sure what I'm gonna do now."

"Watch a movie and text me?  I'm up odd hours."

Duke smiled softly. "Sure you don't mind?"

"Not a bit.  If I'm asleep I won't hear it but more likely I'll be working a late shift and bored as hell."

"I'll do that then, long as you're sure it won't piss you off."

"I'm sure."

"Ok, thanks Nate. Appreciate it," Duke said, finishing his food and starting to clear the dishes.

"Hey, I got it, don't worry about it." Nathan got up to help.

"You washed up earlier, I've got these."

"You still cooked, though.  Not gonna just sit here while you do all the work."

"I'll wash, you dry. Fair?"

"Okay." Nathan nodded, accepting that the compromise was probably about as good as he was getting.

“Good,” Duke smiled. “Besides, with both of us, we'll get it done faster and can get on with choosing a movie. Want popcorn?”

"Popcorn sounds great," Nathan beamed.

“Any particular topping?” Duke asked as he finished washing the last dish.

"Not fussy.  Can pick what you like."

“Savoury ok?”

"Great.  Butter and salt is fine, you don't have to do a lot of work to make it fancy."

“Ok.” Duke smiled. “Want to start looking through movies while I get it made?”

"Yeah, okay," Nathan agreed, leaning over to kiss Duke's cheek.

Duke smiled and started making popcorn, humming to himself as he went.

“What did you decide on?” he said, flinging himself onto the couch beside Nathan and placing the still steaming bowl of popcorn in his lap.

Nathan held up Duke's copy of Serenity.  "Looks interesting."

“Ok, yeah, no, it  _ is,  _ but you need to watch the whole series before it first…”

"There's a series?"

“Yeah, called Firefly. Space pirates, basically. Want to watch it?”

"Space pirates?"

“Space pirates. I mean, I'm simplifying but yeah. Space pirates. It's good.”

"Could check it out.  How long is it?"

“Fifteen episodes which are like...forty minutes each, then the film is about two hours.”

"That's not long.  Not for one night, though."

“Well no, we couldn't watch it all in one night but if you get into it... it'd give you an excuse to come back…”

"Like I need that." Nathan chuckled.  "But if I'm gonna be in and out all week helping you get ready, could watch a couple episodes a night."  He paused, realizing what he'd said. "I mean, assuming you'd need me around that much. Totally get it if you need more space.  Not trying to be intrusive or presume on your hospitality or anything."

“No, no, I'd love that,” Duke said softly.

Nathan sighed in relief.  "Thanks, Duke."

Duke kissed his cheek, passed him the bowl of popcorn and got up to put the first dvd in before settling back beside Nathan, close enough that their shoulders touched.

Nathan leaned against him companionably, trying to decide if he should put an arm around Duke's shoulders.

Duke started the first episode and leaned into Nathan, reaching for a handful of popcorn.

After a moment of deliberation, Nathan stretched an arm around Duke's shoulders.  "Okay?"

“Ok,” Duke said softly, relaxing into Nathan's contact with a little sigh of contentment.

Nathan beamed, settling down to watch.

By the time they started the second episode, Duke had abandoned the popcorn in favour of stretching out with his head in Nathan's lap.

Nathan was enjoying this immensely, running his fingers through Duke's hair slowly.

Duke practically purred, the television show almost forgotten as he angled his head into Nathan's hand.

Nathan, however, was riveted.  Although he didn't stop petting Duke's hair, he was so deeply invested that when the episode ended he asked, "We have time for one more, right?"

“Yeah, it's only like...ten, isn't it? I'm good for a couple more.”

"Something like that," Nathan said, hitting play without checking the time.

“Good,” Duke murmured, nudging Nathan's hand with his head.

Nathan chuckled and resumed running his fingers through the soft dark strands.

“'s'nice,” Duke said quietly, closing his eyes.

Nathan looked down at him and smiled.  "Do this for you whenever you like," he offered.

“Dangerous thing to say,” Duke said, smiling up at him. “Never want you to stop.”

"Never want to stop, so that works out."

“I really like you, Nate,” Duke said softly.

"I really like you too, Duke," Nathan murmured, trying not to let his whole heart show in his eyes.  

He didn't entirely succeed and Duke gave him a small, soft smile as he closed his eyes again.

Nathan rewound the show to catch up on the parts he'd been distracted through, deeply content.

They watched another two episodes with Duke mostly dozing before he mumbled a single word. “Stay?”

"Mm, yeah good," Nathan murmured, more than half in a doze himself.

“Come to bed?”

"Come to - what?" Nathan blinked awake, blushing.

“Bed. That thing that's comfy, where you sleep. Bed.”

"Oh.  Sleeping.  Right," Nathan mumbled, feeling silly.

“... I mean, it doesn't have to be just sleeping but you said you don't want to rush so I wasn't suggesting anything...else.”

"Right.  Sorry. Was half asleep."

“...Ok, putting it plain because I really don’t want any misunderstandings here.  I’d like to spend the night with you. If that involves sex, great. If it doesn't, also great.”

Nathan leaned over and softly kissed him.  "Thank you for being straight with me. I….am really tempted but..."

“But…?”

"It feels like I've felt this way about you forever.  Today felt like...like we were an old married couple. But it only  _ feels _ like forever.  It hasn't been. And...I don't know what's going to happen when I meet Jean, but I know that she will always be your top priority, like she should be.  That might mean that I won't….fit. And I'll understand, I will, but I don't...I can't." Nathan swallowed hard.

Duke nodded. “It feels like that to me too. And look, I can't make any promises, of course I can't, and Jean  _ will  _ always be my top priority but... I'd really like to think we can work things out.”

"Thanks, Duke.  For my part I'll try, I want this.  I just...if it doesn't happen, I can't let myself get in too deep."

Duke reached up and cupped Nathan's cheek in his hand. “I understand. Look, it's late and you're tired. Want me to make up the spare room for you?”

"It's late and you're tired too.  I can stay on the couch, or...if you want, if it's just sleeping…"

“Just sleeping, I promise. Come to bed?”

Nathan reached out and pulled him into a hug.  "Thank you for always being so understanding."

Duke kissed his cheek. “Nothing that needs thanks. I'll sort you out a spare toothbrush and something to sleep in.”

Nathan leaned in and kissed him, slow and soft.

Duke kissed him back for a moment before he pulled away, took Nathan's hand and led him towards the bedroom.

Nathan followed after him, kicking off his shoes but hesitating before taking anything else off.

Duke rummaged through his drawers and tossed Nathan a pair of soft pyjamas. “Bathroom's just in there, should be a new toothbrush in the cabinet, middle shelf.”

"Thanks." Nathan smiled, taking the pyjamas and heading into the bathroom for a quick change.

Duke quickly changed into a pair of yoga pants and a clean tank and, once Nathan had finished in the bathroom, dashed in to brush his teeth before coming back and flinging himself into bed.

Nathan smiled and climbed in beside him, wrapping his arms around Duke.

Duke settled into his embrace with a soft sigh. “So cuddling in bed is ok?”

"Cuddling is always okay." Nathan nuzzled his hair.

“Good to know,” Duke said, smiling softly.

"You're comfy," Nathan said happily.  "S'nice."

“Yeah, it...it is nice,” Duke said softly, holding Nathan tightly.

Nathan sighed quietly, his gaze sleepy and adoring.

Duke kissed his forehead and pulled the covers around them. “Get some sleep, Nate.”

Nathan tucked his head against Duke's shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

Duke stroked his hair gently. “I like this,” he murmured.

"Me too," Nathan murmured blissfully.

“Thanks for everything, Nate.”

"M'happy to help."

“Don't mean just your help.”

Nathan blinked slowly, barely awake.  "Then what?"

“Just being you. Being awesome and kind and sweet and gentle.”

Nathan hid his face against Duke's shoulder, shaking his head.

“You are,” Duke said quietly.

"Just trying to do the right thing," he mumbled, muffled and barely comprehensible.

Duke kissed his forehead again and settled down to sleep, still holding Nathan tightly.

Nathan relaxed against him, snuggled against him and quickly dropping into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan and Duke are finishing off preparations for Jean to come and stay when Duke gets a phone call that turns his world upside down :)

By the time Friday morning came around, Jean’s room was freshly painted, she had new clothes ready and waiting, and Duke had picked out as many toys as he could fit in the cart so the playroom was full to bursting.  He’d stocked up on her favourite foods, made some meals for the freezer so he didn’t have to spend the weekend cooking, and every member of staff at the Gull knew not to call him unless it was a life or death emergency.  Nathan had fitted the car seat into his Bronco, double and triple checked the flight bookings, and shut himself in Jean’s bedroom to finish the decorative border he’d promised Duke.

With nothing left to do except worry, Duke had resorted to pacing from room to room, picking things up and putting them down again, trying to convince himself he was tidying up when the place was already immaculate, and intermittently tapping on the door to ask when Nathan would be finished.

Before long Nathan opened the door, his own expression a little anxious.  The border was finished - a decoupaged masterpiece scrolling all around the room, showing Jean and her father having the most wonderful adventures, skillfully created from copies of the old photos Duke had of them and pictures from magazines and the like.

“How did -?” Duke said, gazing around the room.  “Nathan, it’s... _ beautiful.”   _

Nathan turned bright red.  "Pretty pleased with how it came out.  Your photos were great."

Duke hugged him fiercely.  “Your  _ art  _ is great and you should be more than pretty pleased with how it came out.  Thank you. I love it.”

Nathan returned the tight hug.  "Glad you like it," he said softly.

“I do. I really really do.”

"Just hope Jean does too."

“She will,” Duke said confidently.

"You're sweet." Nathan kissed his cheek.  "Know I've said it before, but you're gonna be great."

“Hope so,” Duke said softly.

"You will.  You have the love, you have the determination, you'll be great."

Duke nodded, letting go of Nathan to pull his ringing phone from his pocket. His heart sank when he read the display. “Atlantic City number. What if…?”

Nathan came over and squeezed his shoulder.  "Could be good news..."

Duke nodded again and answered. “Yes, this is Mr. Crocker. What's…? She's  _ what?!”  _ He gave Nathan an incredulous look. “Yeah, yeah, no problem, from the Courthouse? Ok, thanks. Yes, see you later.”

He ended the call, let out a shaky laugh and sank to the floor, running his hands through his hair.

Nathan sat beside him, putting an arm around his shoulders and pulling Duke close.

Duke leaned into him. “That was one of the court officials...sole custody. Jean's...she's coming home.”

Nathan broke out into a wide, brilliant grin.  "Duke, that's wonderful!"

“Yeah, it's…” Duke trailed off as the emotions overtook him, tears of happiness and relief streaming down his cheeks.

Nathan kissed his cheek, hugging him tight.  "So happy for you!"

Duke relaxed into him, his whole body shaking.

Nathan cradled him gently, supporting him through the flood of emotion.

Eventually, Duke settled and pulled away to kiss Nathan softly. “Thanks,” he said, running his sleeve across his eyes.

Nathan returned the kiss gently, brushing away Duke's tears.  "You guys are going to be so happy. You'll have a wonderful little family."

Duke nodded. “Still can't believe it.”

Nathan grinned.  "Then let's go get her.  You'll believe it then, all right."

“Yeah,” Duke said softly, uncurling himself and standing up.

Nathan helped him up and rubbed his back.  "Go wash your face, you'll feel better for it," he murmured.

Duke nodded and went to do just that, looking distinctly less shaky when he returned a few minutes later.

"Ready to go make your family whole?" Nathan asked softly, cupping his cheek.

“Yeah,” Duke said quietly, turning his face into Nathan's hand.

Nathan wrapped his free hand around Duke's waist.  "Least this time we're not driving ten hours."

Duke laughed softly. “Yeah, that's...that's definitely a good thing. You never did let me know how much I owe you for the flights. Guessing you won't get Sunday's flights refunded either…”

Nathan dug around on his phone to find the confirmation.  He wanted to offer to pay for them, but even he knew that was a lot, and might make Duke uncomfortable.  "I'll talk to the booking agent, see what I can do."

“You'll let me know? Can sort out cash or transfer it to your account.”

"Yeah.  You can just transfer the money to me, that's fine."

“Send me the details? I'll get it done next week,” Duke said, kissing Nathan on the cheek.

"Will do." Nathan turned his face to capture Duke's lips.

Duke kissed him back, softly and gently, wrapping his arms around Nathan to hold him close.

Nathan returned the embrace for a long moment, loving the tender kisses.  It was reluctantly that he pulled away. "Let's go bring her home."

Duke pulled him back for one more kiss before he too reluctantly stepped away. “Can't wait for you to meet her.”

Nathan bit his lip.  "Are you sure it will be okay so soon?  I mean, I know I kind of have to be there because of the travel arrangements, but I don't want to intrude on your reunion.  You'll need time to bond, just the two of you."

“Yeah, we will need that time and I know you'll give us that space but I don't think there's any harm in introducing you.”

Nathan nodded.  "I'd give you more time and space if I could, but there's only so much we can manage.  We'll need to take it slow, though. Even if she's overjoyed to come home, it's a big change and she'll need to adjust.  Don't want to heap too much on her all at once."

Duke kissed his cheek. “Thank you for understanding. She'll need time to get used to her new life and...from the sounds of it... I don't even know what Evi's been doing but it wasn't particularly stable and I need her to have that stability here, she needs...she needs to know that it's safe and it's permanent and that I'll always be there for her, no matter what.”

"Absolutely." Nathan nodded.  "She is and should be your number one priority.  Her happiness, her safety, her well being, all that comes first.  Building a family has to be done right, can't rush it."

“Nope. But I'd still like to introduce you, have you be a regular visitor, let you and Jean get to know each other from the start. Otherwise...if she just gets settled and  _ then  _ you two start to get to know each other...feels like that'd be more disruptive for her.”

"That's fair." Nathan nodded.  "I can be 'daddy's friend' stopping by now and again while she gets settled."

“Exactly, exactly. It won't be such a shock to her if one day I suddenly tell her 'Nathan's moving in’...or whatever…” Duke trailed off, realising what he'd just said.

Nathan blushed bright red.  Was Duke really thinking the same starry-eyed thoughts of being a family together that he was?  "That, uh, I mean...yeah."

Duke cleared his throat. “So yeah. Jean and I... we're gonna need some time but I don't... I want to keep seeing you, see how things work out between us…”

"I do too," Nathan cupped Duke's face in his hand, stroking his thumb across Duke's cheek.  "If she's okay with it, I want to be a part of your lives."

Duke smiled softly and turned his face into Nathan's hand, closing his eyes, the way he always did now. “I want that too and you're right, we can't rush things and Jean will always be my first priority but I'd like...I'd like to be working towards that.”

Nathan leaned in for another soft kiss.  "We will. Slow and steady wins the race."

Duke nodded. “Ready to go?”

Nathan nodded.  "All set."

“Thanks for doing this, Nate,” Duke said, collecting his keys and heading out to the Bronco.

"I'm glad to help." Nathan smiled as he headed down the gangplank, already at ease with the ship's motion.

“No, I know, you keep saying that but still. Thanks.”

Nathan reached over and gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze.  "Honestly, I'm honored that you'd let me help build your family."

Duke pulled him into a hug, just briefly, before he jumped into the Bronco.

Nathan swung up into the driver's seat, heading for the all-too-familiar Portland airport.

Duke alternated between talking nonstop and lapsing into silence, drumming his fingers on his knee or jiggling his foot.

Nathan got them through security in record time and to the gate, warmly welcomed by his colleagues and the gate agents alike.

“See, if flying was always like this, I wouldn't hate it so much,” Duke said, perching on the edge of a chair while they waited to board, still jiggling his leg.

"What's flying been like for you?  Besides a jerk at security hassling you about your booze?"

Duke gave him an affectionate nudge on the shoulder.  “The jerk at security turned out to be not so much of a jerk.  Flying...I haven’t done much flying. Mostly sailed between ports when I was travelling.  I don’t like - I’m not keen on the whole not being in control thing - I’m not a particularly great car passenger either and trains...yeah, no, I don’t do trains and flying is even worse because it’s not like you can just get off at the next stop or whatever.  You’re...trapped there, in this great big tube that somehow hangs in the air - yes, I know, it’s the safest way to travel, blah blah, but… I hate it.”

Nathan rubbed his shoulder.  "You'll be fine. I'll keep your mind off it."

Duke glanced at him, smiling.  “I could make about a hundred different dirty jokes about that…”

Nathan turned pink.  "Now you've got my brain in the gutter too."

“Sorry, sorry.  Poorly timed humour.  I’m good at that.”

"It's okay.  You're nervous." Nathan gave his shoulder another squeeze.

Duke nodded.  “Yeah, I...I really am and it’s  _ stupid.”   _

"Nothing stupid about it.  You're about to see your daughter again.  Anyone would be nervous."

“Guess so.  Did I tell you we need to pick her up from the courthouse, not Evi’s mom’s?”

"You didn't tell me.  Is she okay?" Nathan asked worriedly.

“She’s fine, or - she’s  _ safe,  _ anyway.  Turns out Evi lied about her income to the courts, she doesn’t have a steady income because she’s been - she promised me she’d given all this up, before Jean was born but - she’s been running scams on the tourists at Atlantic City and she’s been using Jean to help.  She got herself arrested late last night, courts found out, held an emergency hearing and deemed her an unfit parent - hence the call to me saying I have sole custody.”

"Oh my god, Duke, that's terrible.  Are you okay?" Nathan rubbed his back.

“Pissed at Evi but that’s nothing new.  Worried for what she might have put Jean through.  But yeah. I’m ok.”

Nathan gave Duke's shoulder a squeeze.  "She'll be okay. She's little, kids are really flexible at that age.  And they're tougher than you'd think."

“I don’t - I don’t  _ want  _ her to be tough.  I want her to feel safe enough that she can be soft, that she can be  _ a kid.”   _

"She will," Nathan reassured him, inwardly kicking himself.

Duke nodded.  “Yeah. Least she’s away from Evi.”

Nathan nodded.  "And she'll have safety and stability and a healthy role model, so she can get started on unlearning any bad habits she might have picked up."

“And probably pick up a whole bunch of new ones.”

"All kids pick up bad habits from their parents, because all parents are humans.  But yours will be normal healthy ones."

Duke nodded again, lapsing into silence, his hands constantly moving, fiddling, picking at his clothing.

Nathan reached over and took Duke's hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the back soothingly.

Duke flashed him a grateful smile and tried to settle while they waited.

"Things will be okay," Nathan murmured.  "You're a great dad, you're gonna be a wonderful family."

“Yeah.  It’s gonna be fine.”

"It is.  Do you need to go somewhere quiet, would that help?  I can arrange it."

“Yeah, maybe.”

"Come on," Nathan coaxed Duke over to the gate, where a quick word with the agent allowed them into a quiet service corridor.  "Better?"

Duke leaned against the wall and nodded.  “Thanks.”

Nathan pulled Duke into a full-body hug, uncaring of the security cameras that viewed the corridor.  "It's gonna be okay."

Duke’s fingers curled into fists, then relaxed, repeating the same clench and release over and over again.  Every breath caught in his throat and he wanted to  _ run,  _ to drink - not much, just enough to  _ take the edge off  _ the emotions that were currently raging through him, just a single fucking drink - to do anything except  _ wait.   _ Instead, he clung to Nathan.

Nathan rubbed his back, murmuring soothing reassurances he desperately hoped were helping.

Duke slowly relaxed into Nathan’s contact, hugging instead of clinging.

Nathan kept it up until Duke had fully relaxed, kissing his hair.

“Thanks,” Duke mumbled into Nathan’s shoulder.

"Better?" Nathan murmured, kissing Duke's forehead.

“A bit.”

"Want to stay here until we board?"

“No, no, I'm good. You must be bored in here.”

"I'm fine.  I'd be fine wherever.  Your comfort is what matters."

“Thanks, Nate. I'm good, though. Really.”

"Okay.  Just remember we can come back here again if you need to," Nathan reassured him as he led the way out.

Duke took a deep breath and followed him, then stopped short. “ _ Fuck.  _ Did we - how are we getting from the airport to the courthouse - I can't believe I forgot to book a cab and we haven't got the car seat, I guess there'll be a train or a bus or whatever, I should Google times, it was a short turnaround anyway and -”

Nathan squeezed his shoulder.  "The metro has stops at the airport and downtown, just a few blocks from the courthouse.    Figured that'd be cheaper than renting a car or booking a cab, and less hassle since we won't need a car seat."

“Ok,” Duke breathed again. “Thanks for looking that up.”

"Did my best to think of everything we'll need.  You've got more important things on your mind than the little practical details."

"Thank you. I'm - I'm usually much more organized than this."

"It's okay." Nathan gave him a reassuring smile.  "Like I said, got bigger things on your mind."

"Yeah, it's...kind of a lot."

"I know.  But you'll be fine. Both of you will."

Duke nodded. "We will be. How long have we got til our flight?"

"Should start boarding any minute."

"Ok, good, that's good."

"We'll be there before you know it."

Duke nodded again.

Just as Nathan had predicted, an announcement came over the intercom that boarding would begin.  Nathan looked over at Duke and smiled. "And we're off."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean comes home and Duke gets called a meanie head :)

With Nathan by his side, Duke found that he didn't hate flying quite as much as usual but he was still relieved to get off the plane and onto the metro, and even more relieved to be standing outside the courthouse where he was collecting Jean from one of the officials.

"Figured I'd wait here for you.  You be okay?" Nathan asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine." Duke leaned in to kiss Nathan on the cheek. "Thanks. Go grab a coffee or something."

Nathan returned the kiss.  "I'll be here. Go have your reunion."

Duke squeezed his shoulder and ran up the courthouse steps. A few minutes later, he knocked on the door of the office he'd been told to go to.

The door opened a moment later, and Duke didn't even see who'd done it because there was a shriek of joy and his arms were full of Jean, running at him full tilt.

"Hey kiddo," he murmured quietly, hiding the crack in his voice as he crouched down and hugged her.

"Daddy!  I missed you so much Daddy!  Mommy said you were gone forever, I was sad!"

Duke's heart twisted in his chest but he gave no outward sign of it. "Missed you too but I'm here now."

"I didn't want to go away, Daddy!  I didn't want to, but Mommy said we had to.  I wasn't bad, Daddy, I didn't want to go away.  I don't like it here, I want to go home."

"Hey, hey, ssshhhh," Duke said softly. "I know you didn't and you weren't bad, none of this was your fault. None of it. I'm here to take you home and we can put this behind us."

Jean clung to him, crying.  "Mommy said mean things about you but they weren't true, I know they weren't, and now she's gone too and I'm scared and I wanna go home."

Duke scooped her up into a hug, smiling reassuringly despite his fury towards Evi. "Nothing to be scared of, kiddo. We're going home."

"I don't like it here.  I didn't like talking to all the strangers.  Mommy said we were just playing pretend but it was lying and lying is bad.  They were nice to me and we were mean to them."

Thoughts about how Evi might meet with an unfortunate accident crossed Duke's mind but he just nodded. "You're right, lying is bad and that's why Mommy's in trouble and you're coming back home with me."

Jean hugged him tightly.  "I'm glad you're here, Daddy.  I wanna go home. Why was Mommy so mean?  Was I bad? I tried really hard to be good, Daddy.  I thought if I was good enough you'd come back."

"No, no you weren't bad and you never have to worry about me going anywhere again, ok? We're gonna finish up all the boring paperwork stuff here and then we're going home. You and me."

"Wanna go home," she mumbled against his shoulder.  "Don't want paper."

"Just one signature, Mr Crocker," the court official said, holding out a piece of paper on a clipboard so he could sign it without putting Jean down. "We've put in a referral to DCFS in Haven, you can expect a visit from them in the near future to make sure everything's going ok but as far as this court is concerned, there's nothing more to do."

Duke quickly signed the papers. "Ok, thanks. Anything else you need from me?"   


"Nope, that's it. Safe journey home, and make sure you take care of this little one."   
  
"I will," Duke said, smiling softly at Jean in his arms. "Hear that, kiddo? We can go home."

"I wanna go, Daddy, I wanna go!" The emotional turmoil and exhaustion of the day were catching up to Jean, developing into a full fledged tantrum.

Duke gave an apologetic glance to the court official and picked up Jean's small bag which was all she had with her. "Ok, look, see, we're going and this little guy -" he pulled a small teddy bear from his pocket, identical to the one he'd been holding in the photo he'd first shown Nathan, and booped Jean on the nose with it "- is going to keep us company."

"Teddy?  You found Teddy?" Jean sniffled, looking longingly at the bear.

Duke booped her on the nose again and passed her the bear. "Yep, I found teddy."

Jean hugged the little bear tight.  "I lost him. I was so sad, Daddy."

"I know sweetie, I'm sorry you lost him," Duke said, carrying Jean out of the office and down the steps.

Nathan turned at the sound of his voice, greeting him with a smile but waiting for Duke to approach him.

"Would you like to meet a friend of mine?" Duke asked Jean. "You can say no, I know you're fed up with meeting strangers."

Jean shrank against him, starting to cry again.  "No Daddy, I don't wanna!"

"Ok, ok," Duke soothed, giving Nathan an apologetic shake of his head.

Nathan gave him a reassuring smile, pulling out his phone and texting Duke.  "Understandable, she's had a long, tough day. Will keep my distance while we take the metro back and 'coincidentally' be in front of you at the airport."

Duke quickly read the message and gave Nathan a warm smile, mouthing 'thank you' before he started walking back to the metro with Jean still in his arms.

Nathan trailed behind a ways, careful to only glance their way occasionally, keeping barely close enough to ensure they both got on the same subway car.

Duke found a seat and settled, cradling Jean in his lap. "Hey, you do still like pink, right?"

Jean nodded, clinging close to him and sucking her thumb.

Duke grinned. "Then I have an awesome surprise for you when we get back."

"A pink surprise?"

"A pink surprise," Duke confirmed, hugging her a little more tightly.

Jean snuggled against him.  "I love you, Daddy. And not just 'cause of the surprise."

"I love you too, sweetheart," Duke said softly. "And I want you to know - I never stopped trying to see you and I'm sorry it took me so long."

Jean hugged him tighter.  "I knew. Mommy said you were never coming back but I knew.  She shouldn't have run away."

"You-?" Duke choked up and swallowed hard. "Thank you for believing in me."

"Don't cry, Daddy!  I'm here now, you don't have to be sad anymore." She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"I'm not sad," Duke reassured her, smiling. "I'm happy because you're with me."

Jean looked doubtful but hugged him some more anyhow.  "I'm happy too."

"Good! Good, that's all I want, is to make sure my little princess is always happy."

"I will be, Daddy. Know why?"

"Why's that?"

"Cause I got you, Daddy!"

Duke laughed softly. "And I'll always be happy 'cause I got you too."

"It's gonna be better now, won't it, Daddy?"

"Yeah, it is. For both of us."

"Will be happy.  No more strangers. No more lying.  No bad things."

Duke hugged her as tightly as he dared. "No strangers, no lying, no bad things. I promise."

"Just you and me and home, like before?"

"Just you and me, on the boat, home," Duke said, his heart twisting as he thought of Nathan.

"Daddy, you look sad.”

"I'm not sad," Duke promised. "Today is the second happiest day of my entire life."

"You didn't look happy just now," Jean said dubiously.  "You looked sad."

Duke kissed her forehead. "I'm happy, I promise."

"Want you to be happy.  For real. Not sad."

"I'm not sad," Duke said firmly. "We'll be at the airport soon and then we're going home. Won't be long."

"Good.  Wanna go home." Jean pouted.

"So do I," Duke said softly. "Few more hours. Thought we'd get something to eat at the airport."

Jean's face scrunched up.  "I'm hungry  _ now _ ."

"I had a feeling you might say that," Duke said, pulling a packet of sliced apple from his pocket. "This keep you going til we can get dinner?"

"Stupid mushy apple, I don't want it!"

"Ok." Duke shrugged easily and started eating a slice of apple himself.

Jean scowled as fiercely as her little face allowed, but her eyes followed the apple intently.

"Sure you don't want some?"

"I don't!  Meanie head Daddy!"

"Hey. I know you've had a bad day - a bad year, probably - and you're tired and upset and hungry and generally fed up with everything but calling me, or anyone else, names is not ok," Duke said gently.

Jean pouted, but seemed oddly reassured by the rebuke.

"So. Apple or are you going to wait for dinner?"

"... Hungry."

Duke passed her a slice of apple. "Food."

The apple disappeared with astonishing speed.  Jean leaned against him when she was done. "You're a good Daddy.  Not a meanie head."

Duke kissed her forehead. "Thank you. I...will keep trying not to be a meanie head. More apple?"

Jean nodded, holding out her hand.  Apparently the manners Duke had to tried to instill had atrophied over the course of the year.

"What do you say?"

Jean looked confused.  "...Gimme?"

"Uh, no." Duke shook his head and tried not to laugh. "You say 'yes please'."

"Ohhhhhhh.  Yes please," she parroted.

Duke smiled and passed her another slice. "Good girl."

Jean cuddled against his side as she made quick work of the apple.

Duke passed her another slice, and another, until they were all gone. "Better?"

"Don't know.  I don't feel good, Daddy. Wanna go home."

"I know, we're on our way home. We'll be there soon, I promise. Want to nap?"

"No nap," she sulked.

"Ok, wanna play eye spy?"

".... No."

"Want to...play on my phone?"

"No." Her scowl was back.

"Ok. Want to sit here and cuddle?"

After a moment, Jean nodded.

Relieved to have found something that didn't get a 'no' and a scowl, Duke pulled Jean into his lap and wrapped his arms around her.

Jean hugged back fiercely, still clingy.

Duke murmured softly to her, quiet, soothing words as he held her close and rubbed her back.

By the time they reached the airport Jean was mostly asleep, draped against his chest as he carried her up to the security check.

Duke's face lit up when he saw Nathan waiting for them and gave him a small smile as he tried to remove everything from his pockets without disturbing Jean.

"Hey," Nathan greeted him softly, helping him get through security with the sleeping toddler in his arms.

"Oh my god it's good to see you," Duke said, so quickly that the words merged into one long one.

"You've had a tough time.  But you're doing great," Nathan praised.

"I'm not. I'm really, really not."

"Know it doesn't feel that way.  But given what she's been through, I was expecting shrieking tantrums the whole way home - at best."

"Yeah, yeah, she's been pretty good. Apart from calling me a - and I quote - a meanie head."

"...I probably shouldn't find that a little adorable, should I?"

“...It was pretty adorable but don't tell her I said that. I had to explain that calling people names is Not Ok.”

"And she accepted that without breaking down into howling rage?  You  _ are _ doing well," Nathan said admiringly.

Duke managed a soft smile. “She's had a rough day. Longer than a day, I don't - what Evi's been telling her, what she's been making her do… I'm still piecing it all together but conning strangers has definitely been a part of it as has Evi telling her she's been bad and that I was never coming back. She thought - she thought if she was good enough, I'd come back and she never stopped believing that I'd come get her. Never stopped trusting…” he choked up and trailed off.

Nathan hugged Duke as tightly as he could with Jean tucked between them.  "Told you you're a good dad. She loves you very much."

Duke swallowed hard and nodded. “Sorry she didn't want to meet you, she - like I said, Evi's been using her to con people so she's not keen on strangers right now.”

"Hey, it's okay.  We knew she comes first.  I'm not hurt. Her happiness is way more important."

"No, I know, I knew you'd understand that. I think she'll be better once she's eaten some proper food and had a good night's sleep. God only knows what Evi's been feeding her but she's - she's too thin, I can feel it, she's too light, she's hardly grown since I last saw her and..." Duke trailed off again.

Nathan hugged him again.  "She'll get better. She's young, she'll bounce back."

Duke nodded. "Just wish she didn't have to, y'know?"

"I know," Nathan murmured, giving his shoulder another squeeze.

"Thanks, Nathan," Duke said, giving him a soft smile.

Nathan smiled back.  "Things will get better.  Maybe not all at once and maybe not easy, but they will."

"I know. Least I can take care of her now and... I might not be great at this parenting thing but...I don't think I could be worse than what she's had recently."

"You're great at parenting.  You kept her calm and cooperative this whole time, when by all rights she should be having non stop meltdowns."

"Yeah, I guess so," Duke said, hugging Jean more tightly.

Jean shifted a little, cuddling closer in her sleep.

Duke kissed her forehead. "Tempted to wake her up for some food now we're here. Don't know if it'd be better to let her sleep."

"Let her sleep.  I'll grab some food in case she wakes up."

"You're the best," Duke said softly.

Nathan smiled and kissed Duke's cheek.  "Get comfortable. I'll be right back."

Duke settled into a chair with Jean curled up in his lap and waited for Nathan to get back.

*

They were halfway through the flight, talking quietly, when Jean woke up.  Upon finding herself in an unfamiliar environment - a crowded and noisy one at that - she burst into tears.

Duke immediately hugged her tightly. "I know, I know, it's scary. We're on a plane, going home, you're safe," he murmured.

"Daddy?" she sobbed.  "I'm scared!"

"It's ok, sweetheart, daddy's here and I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

"It's too loud!  I wanna go home!" Jean wailed.

Duke held her close, pressing her head to his chest so both her ears were covered, murmuring soft words he knew she wouldn't hear but hoping she could feel the vibrations in his chest and it would comfort her.

Jean cried for a while, her hiccupy little sobs eventually dying down.

Duke cuddled her tightly until she'd settled, then he brushed her hair out of her face.  "Better?" he asked softly.

"I don't feel good Daddy. I wanna go home," she whimpered.

"We'll be home soon, kiddo.  Nothing I can do to make it go faster and I'm sorry about that.  Want a drink of juice?"

Jean thought about it, and nodded.

"What do you say?" Duke prompted.

"Don't wanna," she sulked.

"Nuh-uh, we don't forget our manners just because we're upset, do we?" Duke said gently.  "Let's try again. Would you like some juice?"

"No." Jean scowled.

"It's 'no, thank you' but ok, it's your choice, let me know when you'd like a drink and I'll get it for you."

"No. Don't want."

Duke kissed her forehead.  "Ok. Want teddy?"

"Do I gotta say please?" She asked suspiciously.

"I'd like it if you did..."

"Are you gonna take Teddy away again?" Jean started to cry.

"No!  No, of course I'm not taking teddy away again. Teddy is yours, I wouldn't take him away from you."

"Mommy took my toys when I was bad. She took them away and they were gone forever," Jean cried.

"Oh sweetheart," Duke said, cradling her close again.  "I promise I won't ever do that."

"I want Teddy." She clung to him. "I want Teddy and I wanna go home."

"We'll be home soon.  I know it's horrible right now but it won't be for much longer.  Now, teddy wants to make you smile and he's hiding in one of my pockets.  You want to try to find which pocket he's hiding in?"

Jean shook her head. "Don't wanna play, Daddy. Just want huggy."

"Ok, no play." Duke whisked the small bear out of his pocket and booped Jean on the nose with it.

Jean took the stuffed bear and hugged it close, snuggling against Duke.

Duke wrapped his arms around her and glanced over her head to give Nathan a despairing look.

Nathan reached over and rested his hand on Duke's shoulder, rubbing soothingly.

Duke leaned into his contact, just minutely, so as not to disturb Jean who was at least settled, even if she wasn't going to go back to sleep.

Nathan pulled a juice box from Duke's pack, holding it up with an inquiring expression.

Duke nodded and took it from him, fiddling with the straw one handed.

Nathan took the straw and unwrapped it, stabbing into the juice box Duke held steady.

"Thanks," Duke mouthed, passing the box to Jean.

Jean emerged from Duke's shirt, looking at the juice warily before snatching it and keeping it close.

"You're ok, kiddo," he soothed.  "Be home soon."

"I'm hungry," she mumbled. Almost before she finished speaking, Nathan was rummaging in the pack again.

Duke flashed Nathan a grateful smile and took the sandwich he passed him, holding it out for Jean.

Jean bolted the food with alarming speed, curling up against him again afterwards.

"Better?"  Duke murmured.

Jean nodded, snuggling a little closer.

"Good.  Anything else you want?  More sleep?" Duke said, hugging her tightly.

"Want home. Like before. Happy. Before the bad place, before all the bad things."

"It won't be like before, it'll be different because mommy won't be there but it'll be happy.  We'll have adventures and play games and learn stuff and we'll be happy and safe and there'll be no more bad place or bad things."

Jean snuggled a little closer, sniffling.  "I missed you, Daddy."

"I missed you too. So much," Duke said, hugging her tightly.

"You're the bestest Daddy."

"And you...are the cutest," Duke said, smiling.

"I'm the cutest Daddy?" Jean asked, her nose wrinkling.

"You're the cutest little button and it's so, so good to see you again."

"You're silly, Daddy," Jean smiled a little.

Duke laughed softly. "Yeah, guess I am."

"That's okay, Daddy.  I like it when you're silly."

"That...is really good to know because I'm silly a lot of the time."

"You are.  You're a silly Daddy."

Duke laughed again, hugging her tightly and breathing a small sigh of relief.

"I love you, silly Daddy."

"Love you too, kiddo."

Jean cuddled closer, yawning. "M'sleepy, Daddy."

"Want to nap for a bit?"

"Naps are dumb," Jean said, even as she relaxed in his arms.

Duke kissed her forehead and held her close as she fell asleep, taking a moment to close his own eyes.

Nathan smiled softly at the two of them, reaching over to stroke Duke's hair.

His eyes still closed, Duke angled his head into Nathan's touch.

"How're you feeling?" Nathan murmured.

"... Somewhere between stuck on an emotional rollercoaster and feeling like I've gone ten rounds with a very angry group of pro wrestlers."

"I'm sure," Nathan said sympathetically.  "Hopefully this time she sleeps all the way home."

"Hope so, she needs it."

"Yeah.  Rough day for her, poor kid."

"More than just today, too."

"Yeah.  But now she'll have a stable home, a peaceful and honest life, and her terrific Dad."

"Terrific or terrified?" Duke joked weakly.

"Probably both," Nathan acknowledged.  "But you're doing great and things will get better.  And you know I'll help however I can."

"Thanks Nathan. I'm - I'm really glad you're here."

"I'm glad of whatever help I can give," Nathan said softly.

"You're a huge help, everything you've done...don't really know how I'll ever be able to repay that."

"It's been an honor being part of it," Nathan said softly.  "I'm touched I could help bring your family back together."

"Couldn't've done it without you."

"I'm not so sure, you might have surprised yourself."

"No, no, I very literally wouldn't've got to the courthouse without you so don't sell yourself short. What you've done for us is incredible."

"Just glad I can help."

Duke risked shuffling minutely so he could kiss Nathan's cheek.

Nathan returned the kiss, then shifted to press his lips softly against Duke's.

Duke let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes again.

Nathan kissed Duke for as long as he dared - which wasn't nearly as long as he'd have liked.

"You really are amazing," Duke said quietly afterwards.

"You really are terrific," Nathan countered, smiling.

"...And sweet."

“And wonderful."

"I mean it," Duke said insistently. "This is...messy and you're still - you're still here."

"Family's never easy.  It's worth it, every minute.  Or will be, if Jean is okay with it."

"She will be, just needs time to settle."

"Sure hope so.  Think she'll be a lot better once she's home, rested, and well fed."

"Yeah, she's handling it really well but she's definitely struggling with it."

"A grown adult would be struggling with this much tumult, let alone a toddler.  You're doing an amazing job with her."

"She's the amazing one," Duke said quietly.

"No arguments here," Nathan agreed.  "She's one tough cookie."

Duke nodded. "She is. I just hate that she's had to be. When she was born, I promised myself I wouldn't let that happen to her."

"I know it's not much help, but you had no choice.  You've done everything right."

"Yeah." Duke didn't sound remotely convinced, even to his own ears.

"Sometimes bad stuff just happens."

“Sometimes bad people cause bad stuff to happen…”

"Yeah.  But you're not that bad person, Duke.  I know it doesn't help to hear it, but you did everything you could to make her healthy and happy and safe.  It's not your fault your ex did this to her."

Duke nodded and kissed Jean's forehead again.

Jean stirred, mumbling "Love you Daddy," before falling back to sleep.

“Love you too, kiddo,” Duke murmured, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes.

Nathan smiled and went back to stroking Duke's hair, hoping he could get some rest.  It had been a long day.

Duke tilted his head into Nathan's hand and dozed until the announcement that the plane was coming in to land when he blearily blinked awake and hoped beyond hope that Jean would stay asleep for the landing - and the rest of the journey home.

Jean did wake a little at the commotion of the landing and deboarding, but only enough to fuss into Duke's shoulder a little before falling back asleep as they headed out of the airport to their car.

Duke managed to get her settled into the car seat and hopped in beside her, figuring that if she woke up in a strange car, with a stranger driving, and Duke not immediately accessible, she would panic.

"All set?" Nathan asked as he climbed into the driver's seat.

“Yeah. Thanks, Nathan,” Duke said, leaning forwards to squeeze his shoulder.

Nathan turned his head to kiss the back of Duke's hand before pulling out and heading homeward.

It didn't take long to get back to the Rouge and Duke carefully lifted Jean out of the car seat, hoping he could at least get her on board the ship and into vaguely familiar surroundings before she woke up again.

Jean stirred a little. "Daddy?"

"We're home, kiddo," Duke said softly.

"Home?" Jean woke up a little more.

"Yep," Duke said, carrying her up the gangplank and onto the ship. "Just how you remember it."

Nathan watched them board, then quietly headed back to his own little house.

"We're home!" Jean said happily, starting to cry.

"Yes we are," Duke said quietly, carefully balancing Jean on one hip while he unlocked the hatch and manhandled his pack and Jean's little bag inside.

"We're home, we're home," Jean repeated, visibly relieved at the familiar surroundings

Duke smiled softly.  "Yeah. Want to see your surprise?"

"I do, Daddy!"

Duke grinned and put Jean down.  "Go see your bedroom."

Jean scurried off as fast as her chubby little legs would take her, squealing in delight when she saw her room.

Duke followed her, blinking back tears of happiness at her reaction.  "Like it?"

"It's the bestest, Daddy! It's pink! And look, it's us!" She pointed to the decoupaged adventures.

Duke crouched beside her and ruffled her hair.  "Glad you like it."

"It's us at the zoo and us at the beach..." She rambled on about the border, clearly delighted.

Duke laughed softly.  "It's us having all sorts of fun adventures."

"It is! I like it!" She followed the border all around the room, describing each adventure to Duke until she'd gone the whole way around

Duke listened to her, following her around with his phone out, taking a video that he could show Nathan later.

Jean lingered by their 'adventures' but explored the whole room curiously.

Duke sat on the floor to watch her, smiling to himself as she rummaged through drawers and colourful boxes and peered into the closet.  "There's not very much here," he said, half apologetically. "I had to buy new stuff and I thought - I thought you might prefer to come with me and choose most of it."

"New toys?" Jean said hopefully.

"There are some new toys in the playroom but yes, we'll go and you can choose some more yourself."

"Soon?"

"This week," Duke promised.

"Okay, Daddy. I'm hungry."

"Then let's get you something to eat.  What would you like?"

"Dunno. Dinner."

Grateful that she wasn't demanding candy or cake, Duke scooped her up and carried her into the kitchen so they could rummage through the fridge.  "Grilled cheese sandwiches?"

"No crusts?"

"No crusts.  With tomato soup?"

"An' a cheese smiley in the soup?" she asked excitedly.

"Of course!"

"Yay! You're the bestest, Daddy!"

Duke smiled and put her down on the chair.  "You want something to do while I'm cooking?  A book or a toy?"

"No, I want adventures!" She beamed.

"Go on then," Duke said, smiling.

Jean scampered back to her room happily, chattering to herself about the adventure she was going to have.

Duke grinned and quickly text Nathan.  "She loves her room, especially your border.  One very happy girl (vid incoming)." He attached the short video and pressed send.

Across town, Nathan's heart leapt when he heard his phone ping. He watched the video, beaming, and texted back. "Cutest video I've ever seen. You two settling in ok?"

"Yep.  Apparently I'm the bestest Daddy and I'm making dinner while Jean's staring at your border and chatting away to herself.  I think she's making up stories about what we're doing next."

"Too cute. You'll text if you need anything, right?"

"Yeah, I will.  You free over the weekend if she settles enough to meet you?"

"Yup. Off both days."

"I'll text you.  Thanks again for everything, you're amazing."

"Glad I could help. Get some rest."

"You too." Duke sent the message and carried on cooking.

Nathan settled back into bed, smiling softly. As much as he'd told himself that Duke wouldn't just drop him once he brought Jean home, he'd never been able to entirely silence that niggling little thought. But now he had proof.

By the time she'd finished eating, Jean was sleepy again, the stress and turmoil of the day catching up with her, and Duke carried her to bed.  He got her changed into pyjamas, persuaded her to wash her face and brush her teeth and tucked her in. She fell asleep quickly and Duke curled up on the floor beside her bed, watching her sleep, wanting to be there in case she woke up and didn't know where she was.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan spends the day with Jean and Duke :)

The following morning, Jean was much more settled and Duke explained to her that his friend Nathan made the border for her bedroom and asked her if she'd like to meet him.  She'd agreed, albeit a little shyly, and Duke text Nathan to ask him to pop over for coffee later that day.

When Nathan got the text, he immediately began worrying about how to make the best impression.  He discarded several ideas before texting Duke to ask.

"Just be you," Duke text back.

Nathan didn't really agree - he'd been told all his life, 'be yourself', but people didn't really seem to like him as himself.  Still, he had no better ideas.

Duke made sure Jean had eaten something, had a drink, and wasn't bored or fractious before Nathan arrived, wanting to give them the best chance to get to know each other. When Nathan knocked on the hatch, he leaped up to answer it.

Jean watched in surprise as her father hurried to answer the door.  She warily watched the tall stranger enter, sucking her thumb and clinging to Teddy.

"Hey Nathan, c'mon in," Duke greeted him. "Jean, want to come say hi?"

Jean considered that, then shook her head.  

"That's okay," Nathan reassured her.  "You don't have to do anything you don't want to.  I know new people are scary sometimes. I'll stay over here, I won't come any closer unless you want me to."

Duke gave him a soft smile and turned to Jean. "Want to go play, or hang out with the boring grown ups? You don't have to say hi, we're just gonna have a cup of coffee and a chat."

"I go play," Jean announced, looking at the 'boring grown ups' suspiciously.

“Okay, have fun Jean.  It was nice meeting you," Nathan told her.

Duke tilted his head to one side, watching Jean's expression. "Go play, but before you do, what do you say?"

Jean scowled.  "I don't want strangers!  Let me go! Make home  _ safe _ !"

Duke crouched down, getting to her level. "Home is safe. It's my home too and Nathan isn't a stranger to me. If you want to go, then you can but at the moment you're being rude to my friend and I don't like that. You don't have to like him, you don't have to interact with him, but I'd like you to be polite."

"I knew you'd make me stay!  I don't wanna be here! I don't want strangers!" Jean began to cry.

"Ok," Duke picked her up and carried her to her bedroom, murmuring softly to her. "You want to stay in here while Nathan and I have coffee?"

Jean nodded, reaching for her bed.

"Ok." Duke put her down and kissed her forehead. "Come back out when you're ready."

Jean nodded, watching him with narrowed eyes.

"See you in a bit. Shout if you need anything."

Nathan was pacing uneasily in the kitchen when Duke returned.  "Need me to go?"

"No," Duke said, squeezing his shoulder. "Think she'll be ok, she just needs the space to make her own decision."

Nathan nodded.  "I, uh, I know manners are important but maybe she's not ready yet?"

"Maybe," Duke sighed. "Kinda feels like she's testing the boundaries though and hopefully I've shown her where they are."

"She probably is.  But maybe she's not trying to see what she can get away with, so much as what she'll be forced into."

Duke nodded. "Kinda fucked that up, didn't I?"

"You couldn't have known."

Duke shrugged. "I tried my best. Still wasn't good enough."

"Parenting is like that sometimes.  You'll learn and do better."

"Yeah. Coffee?"

Nathan put an arm around him.  "You'll be okay. Both of you.”

“Hope so,” Duke said, leaning into him for a moment before he set about making coffee. After he'd poured them each a mug, he kissed Nathan's cheek.

"Kids are resilient.  She'll be okay, so will you.  And you're not psychic, you can't know what all she went through and why she might be acting the way she is.  All you can do is make your best guesses."

Duke nodded and put his mug down. “Be right back,” he said, going to Jean's bedroom and tapping on the door. “You ok, kiddo?”

"You said I could stay here!" Jean yelled, sounding angry and upset.

“You can. Just checking in with you. Can I come in?”

"I don't gotta go out there?" Jean asked suspiciously.

“Nope, not if you don't want to. Can we talk?”

"Okay, Daddy." Jean seemed to relax when Duke said she could stay.

Duke opened the door and closed it behind him, then sat on the floor beside the bed. “You ok?”

Jean hugged Teddy and pouted.  "I don't like it when you make me do things I don't wanna."

“Yeah, I - I handled that pretty badly and I'm sorry.”

"I got scared," Jean mumbled, reaching for him for a hug.  "I want home safe. He said I could go away if I wanted, he wouldn't be scary."

Duke cuddled her tightly. “I'm sorry you got scared and I'm sorry that I messed up by asking you to speak to Nathan before you left.”

Jean hugged him tightly.  "No more?"

“No more,” Duke promised.

"I don't gotta talk to him if I don't wanna?  I don't have to stay? I can come be safe?"

“You don't have to talk to him, you can stay here or go in your playroom or in the TV room. Whatever you want to do. We'll just be sitting in the kitchen and having coffee.”

"Okay, Daddy." Jean hugged him harder, looking relieved.

Duke kissed her forehead. “Let me know if you need anything.”

"One more huggy?" Jean asked hopefully.

Duke laughed softly. “One more huggy,” he said, squeezing her as tightly as he dared.

"You're a good Daddy," Jean pronounced.  "You give good hugs."

“I might get things wrong sometimes but I'm trying my best to be a good dad and there will always be hugs. No matter what.”

Jean leaned up and kissed his cheek.  "You're a good Daddy and I love you. Even if you're wrong."

“Love you too, kiddo. You'll be ok amusing yourself for a while?”

Jean nodded.  "Teddy and I can play."

Duke tilted his head towards the border. “You and teddy can have adventures.”

Jean looked at the border quietly for a minute.  "He really made that?"

Duke smiled softly. “He did. He did sketches first, then did all of this. Took him hours and he wouldn't let me see til it was finished.”

"Were you happy, Daddy?  Do you like our adventures too?"

“Yes. I was so happy I hugged him and thanked him lots of times. I love seeing our adventures on the wall, all the happy memories and all the possibilities for the future.”

"You like him lots, huh Daddy?  You had a big smile when he was here."

“Yeah, I do,” Duke said carefully.

"He makes you happy, Daddy?"

“He does.”

"That's good." Jean looked down at Teddy, sitting in her lap.  "You should be happy, Daddy."

Duke smiled softly. “I'll always be happy because I've got you.”

"I love you lots, Daddy.  But I don't want you to be sad because it's just us."

Duke cuddled her tightly again. “I wouldn't be sad because it's just us. I like Nathan, I like spending time with him and he makes me happy but you're my number one priority and nothing and no one will get in the way of that.”

Jean reached for another hug.  "I love you, Daddy. You're a good Daddy.  I want my Daddy happy."

“Hey, hey, hey,” Duke said softly. “I'm happy, you don't need to worry about me. If you're happy, I'm happy.”

Jean cuddled against him, yawning. "Good.  Happy Daddy good."

“Happy Jean is good and right now I think you're sleepy Jean,” Duke said, gently moving her onto the bed.

"Daddy sing?" she asked quietly.

Duke brushed the hair out of her face and started singing a sweet, soft lullaby, one he used to sing to Jean when she was tiny.

Jean reached out and took his hand, holding tight at first but slowly letting go as she fell asleep.

Duke finished singing and watched her for a moment before he tucked the covers around her and kissed her forehead. “Sweet dreams, kiddo,” he murmured as he closed the door behind him and went back into the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" Nathan asked softly.

“Yeah, yeah, crisis over, I think. She's napping now.”

"She'll be fine." Nathan smiled.  "How are  _ you _ ?"

Duke shrugged and gave Nathan a weak smile. “Overwhelmed.”

Nathan went over to him and pulled him into a hug.  "Wish I could be there for you more."

“Thanks,” Duke mumbled, burying his face in Nathan's neck.

"Be here to help out every day if I could.  But you don't need me. You're doing great, even if it doesn't feel that way."

“Y'know even though I screwed up so badly, she still said I'm the bestest daddy and she loves me and all she wants is for me to be happy. Feels like my heart breaks every time she says something.”

Nathan hugged tighter.  "Because she knows you love her, and you're trying."

“Yeah,” Duke said, hugging him back. “How're you doing?”

"Me?  I'm fine.  Why wouldn't I be?" Nathan asked, puzzled.

“Because rejection hurts, even if you understand it. Because you've been patiently waiting here and you're probably bored to tears by now.”

"Never bored here, your place is amazing.  The rejection...she'll come round," Nathan said with confidence he didn't feel - all too obvious in his expression.

Duke squeezed his shoulder. “She will. She was asking about you - or, more specifically, she was asking if you make me happy and she seemed pleased when I said you do.”

Nathan's smile warmed to something more genuine.  "That's good. Right now I'm new and that's scary.  Once I'm not new, once I'm not a scary stranger, she'll be okay."

“If she wasn't asleep, I'd say give it ten minutes and curiosity will get the better of her. Won't take her long.”

"Maybe when she wakes up," Nathan concluded.  He ran a hand through Duke's hair. "Is it okay if I really, really want to kiss you right now?"

Duke smiled and kissed him softly. “That answer your question?”

Nathan grinned.  "Hmm, dunno. Should try it again.  More extensively."

Duke grinned back and leaned in to kiss him again, more deeply this time, his hands on Nathan's hips to hold him close.

Nathan wrapped his arms around Duke's waist as he returned the kiss, pulling away only with a reluctant sigh.

Duke cupped Nathan's jaw in his hand, running his thumb across his cheek. “Is it weird that I miss you?”

Nathan nuzzled into his touch.  "Sure hope not, since I feel the same."

A slow smile crossed Duke's face. “You do?”

"Yeah.  Didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to make you feel guilty for prioritizing Jean."

“Thanks,” Duke said, leaning in to kiss him softly again. “I mostly thought it'd be weird because I've only known you five minutes.”

"Well.  It's been a week, but.  I guess, yeah? Don't think I care, though." Nathan leaned in for another kiss.

“I don't care either,” Duke said softly.

"I was scared you wouldn't want me around once you had Jean back," Nathan admitted softly.

“I do. I really really do. And I'll find a way to make this work, I promise.”

"I really, really hope so." Nathan kissed him again.

“I was scared you wouldn't hang around. Y'know, single dad, just picking up the pieces. Six months ago it would've been easier. Six months from now, it'd probably be easier but now… Yeah. Not exactly straightforward.”

"Don't care about straightforward.  Single dad looks really good to me. I'm here for this.   Long as you'll have me."

Duke smiled softly and hugged him fiercely. "Want to watch an episode of Firefly? We've still got a couple to go..."

"Sounds perfect." Nathan smiled, pulling him in for a kiss.

"C'mon then," Duke said, pulling him towards the couch. "Don't think I can get away with making popcorn without waking Jean up. She used to have a radar for the stuff, pretty sure she still will."

“That's fine, she needs her sleep.”

"Yeah, hoping she doesn't nap too long, want to try to get her back onto a regular sleep schedule as soon as possible."

"Makes sense.  Maybe you should do the popcorn then." Nathan smiled.

Duke glanced at the clock and nodded. "If she doesn't wake up soon, she's gonna be awake til the early hours."

"Not fun for either of you," Nathan agreed.  "Got anything to watch that's kid friendly?"

"Yeah, I'll let her pick something if she wants to," Duke said, going back into the kitchen to make popcorn.

Sure enough, soon after the scent of popcorn began to drift through the air, Jean toddled out of her room, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

"Hey sleepyhead," Duke greeted her, pouring the popcorn into a bowl before he scooped her up. "Good nap?"

"Yeah.  Huggy Daddy," she mumbled, cuddling against him.

Duke hugged her tightly, then carefully balanced her on his hip while he poured melted butter and salt over the still steaming bowl of popcorn. "Nathan and I were gonna watch a movie. You want in? There'll be popcorn and huggies..."

"Want dat. Want movie and popcorn and Daddy huggies."

"I want that too. Nathan's still here, you ok with that?"

Jean looked at Nathan somberly for a moment before pronouncing, "Okay."

Duke smiled widely. "What would you like to watch? Lady and the Tramp?"

Jean made a face.  "Moana?"

"Whatever you'd like," Duke said, carrying Jean and the bowl of popcorn to the couch and giving Nathan a smile that could only be described as delighted.

Nathan returned the smile warmly, already pulling up the movie.  

"That's a good smile," Jean announced, watching them interact.

"Smiles are always good," Duke said, passing the bowl of popcorn to Nathan and sitting down with Jean in his lap.

"No Daddy," Jean said insistently.  "There's bad smiles. Like Mommy makes.  Strangers too."

"No, ok, you're right there. Sometimes people do fake smiling and that's bad."

"It's not happy smiles.  Not good smiles."

"Exactly, there's a difference but this -" Duke said, pointing at his smile "- is a happy smile."

Jean nodded.  "I like good smiles.  Better than bad smiles, even lots of them.  Like him." She pointed at Nathan. "Not lotsa smiles. But good smiles."

Duke laughed softly. "Yeah. Nathan doesn't smile often but when he does, he's genuinely happy."

"That's okay.  Lying is bad. So it's okay not to smile," Jean concluded.

"Yep, you're right. It's perfectly ok not to smile."

Jean considered Nathan for a long moment.  "You're not so scary, I guess."

"Thank you," Nathan told her, keeping his face straight in spite of the urge to chuckle.

Duke hugged her tightly, smiling into her hair. "Want to watch this movie, then?"

"Okay Daddy." Jean snuggled against him.  Beside him, Nathan reached to subtly hold his hand.

Duke gave his hand a squeeze and kissed Jean's forehead. "Don't forget the popcorn's right beside you."

"Okay Daddy.  Not hungry yet.  Tummy's not awake."

"Ok," Duke said softly. "Need some juice?"

Jean thought about it, and shook her head. "Later."

"Movie and cuddles it is then," Duke said, reaching across Jean to grab a handful of popcorn for himself.

"That's good, Daddy," Jean said happily.

Duke glanced at Nathan who started the movie playing and they settled in to watch.

Jean happily watched along, singing when the songs came on.

Duke smiled softly, his focus on Jean rather than the movie, stealing little glances at Nathan and periodically reaching for more popcorn.

By the time the movie was over Jean was more awake and in a much better mood.  "Daddy, I wanna go dance with the water too!"

"...Dance with the water...?"

"Like in the movie, Daddy!"

Duke laughed softly. "Ok, well I don't think we can do dancing with water but I'm pretty sure if you ask Nathan very nicely, he might draw it for you."

"We could go to the beach!"

"We...could to the beach."

"Can we, Daddy?"

"Ok, beach trip it is, let's go get ready."

"Yayyyyyyyy!" Jean shrieked, jumping off the couch and running to her room.

Duke smiled softly and followed her to make sure she chose appropriate beach-in-the-winter clothes.

Nathan followed, asking quietly, "So, uh, this a daddy-daughter beach trip, or...?"

"Not as far as I'm concerned," Duke murmured back, "but I'd like to give her the choice."

"Of course."

"No, no, sandals are not a good idea, boots please," Duke said, taking the flimsy sandals Jean had picked out away and replacing them with a pair of warm boots. "Summer shoes, winter shoes, otherwise you'll get cold feet."

Jean pouted briefly but was soon distracted by continuing to get ready.

Duke helped her into a warm coat and scarf and pulled a woolly hat down over her ears. "Would you mind if Nathan comes with us?"

"Hmm... Okay.  But he's gotta dance too."

"Okay, I'll dance." Nathan chuckled.

"Oh, I am  _ definitely _ videoing that." Duke grinned.

"Nope," Nathan told him, getting his coat on.

"Uh, yep."

"I will take your phone.  And throw it in the ocean, most likely."

Duke laughed and finished lacing up his boots. "Probably fair. Mind driving? I  _ really _ need to sort out a car I can put a car seat in..."

"No problem." Nathan smiled.

"Thanks." Duke quickly brewed up some hot cocoa and put it into a thermos flask. "Ok? All ready?"

"All ready," Jean announced, tucking Teddy into her jacket.

"Good. Let's go then!"

Nathan led the way out to the car, driving the short distance to the beach.  At this time of year it was empty, the sand hissing as the wind blew it along the dunes.

Duke lifted Jean out of her car seat, making sure she was well bundled up and had her mittens on before putting her down and following her out onto the beach.

Jean ran down to the water, yelling greetings to the ocean, playing tag with the waves.

"Think she's happy," Duke said, quietly so as to hide the slight crack in his voice.

"She really is." Nathan smiled and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Remind me not to let her watch Moana in the winter again," Duke complained, pulling his coat more tightly around himself.

Nathan put his arm fully around him, drawing him close.  "Better?"

"Much," Duke said, giving him a soft smile.

"Should come over to mine sometime, got a fireplace."

"That would be amazing. Could do toasted marshmallows?"

"S'mores, definitely."

"We'll do that," Duke said, leaning his head against Nathan's and wrapping his arm around his waist.

"Worth it, for her to be happy," Nathan said softly.

"So worth it. Remind me I said that later when my fingers drop off from frostbite."

"Maybe you should warm up with some exercise.  There's always dancing." Nathan's expression was straight but his eyes twinkled.

"Video it and your - what did you threaten me with? Oh that's right, your phone is going in the ocean," Duke said, barely hiding a smirk as he walked down to where Jean was playing at the water's edge.

"Did I say that?" Nathan asked innocently, following after.

"You did, in fact, say that. So are we agreed? No videos?"

"No video.  Just dancing."

Duke flashed him a smile and turned to Jean. "Having fun, kiddo?”

"Yeah, Daddy!  Come play!"

Duke smiled softly and took hold of Jean's hands so they could dance in the water together.

Jean giggled happily.  "You too!" she told Nathan, who beamed and came over to dance with them.

Duke grinned and took Nathan's hand so they were all dancing with the shallow waves lapping around their feet.

Jean laughed to see them dance with her, happier than she had been since she'd been taken away from her father.

Duke scooped her up into a hug. "You're freezing!" he said, stroking her cheek. "Wanna go back to the truck for cocoa?"

Jean snuggled against him.  "Cocoa! You're warm, Daddy." She kissed his cheek.

"Let's go get cocoa," Duke said, settling Jean on his hip and taking hold of Nathan's hand.

"You're not so bad," Jean informed Nathan.  "You danced."

"Thank you." Nathan smiled, his eyes crinkling.

Duke kissed her cheek. "Told you he wasn't so bad."

"Yeahhhhh, but strangers," Jean pronounced.

"Well it's not a bad thing to keep away from strangers," Duke agreed, "but if I'm with you, I promise you're safe."

"No more bad people." Jean nodded.

"Nope. No one I introduce to you will be a bad person."

"That's good.  I didn't like it there."

"I know you didn't sweetheart," Duke said, releasing Nathan's hand to hug Jean close.

"I'm happy I'm home."

"I'm happy you're home too." Duke set her on the tailgate so he could pour cocoa.

"We're gonna be happy now, Daddy."

"So happy."

"Cause you're the bestest Daddy."

Duke smiled and passed her a mug of cocoa. "Thank you, it - it means a lot to me to hear you say that."

"It's true," she told him with the absolute certainty unique to small children.

Duke leaned down to kiss her forehead. "And you're the bestest daughter."

Jean giggled.  "You're silly, Daddy.  And your beard tickles!"

Duke laughed. "Sorry," he said, standing up again and passing Nathan a mug of cocoa.

Jean watched Nathan smile his thanks at Duke.  "I'm glad you're happy, Daddy."

Duke sat beside her on the tailgate, sipping his own mug of cocoa. "I am. Really happy. And I'm glad you're happy here too."

“It's good to be home," Jean nodded sagely.

"Good. And I think we should go home and warm up because it is freeeeeezing out here, even with cocoa."

“Okay, Daddy.  I'm hungry, too."

"What would you like to eat?"

"Chicken nuggets?"

"... I don't think we have any but I could make something similar..."

"I want Daddy cooking." She nodded.

Duke smiled. "Want to stay for dinner?" he asked Nathan. "Assuming you don't mind eating something resembling chicken nuggets, that is."

"I'd love to."

"You made the adventures," Jean remembered. "I'll tell you about them while Daddy cooks.”

Not trusting himself to speak, Duke picked her up and got her settled into the car seat before he jumped into the front beside Nathan.

"I look forward to it," he told her, very seriously, as he started the car to bring them home.

When they got back to the Rouge, Jean immediately took Nathan by the hand and marched him to her bedroom, talking excitedly about the adventures. Duke went into the kitchen to start making something that would resemble chicken nuggets and fries, listening to Jean babble as she described each adventure in great detail, and Nathan's soft responses and quiet questions. As he listened, he smiled and allowed himself to  _ hope. _

Once dinner was in the oven, he went to find them. “Dinner'll be about ten minutes,” he said, leaning on the doorway and watching them with a broad smile.

"Daddy!  Nate is making me new adventures!" Jean said happily, pointing to where Nathan was crouched down at the child-sized desk, drawing with the crayons she'd brought him.

Duke ruffled her hair. “That's exciting! What's he drawing for you?”

"My best friend!  She's a pink unicorn with wings, her name is Princess Rose Magic and she's the most magical unicorn ever.  She lets me ride her and we have lots of adventures," Jean beamed.

“She sounds like the best best friend ever,” Duke said, peering over Nathan's shoulder at the drawing. “What sort of adventures do you two have and can I come?”

"Some of them are just for girls.  But you can come on the adventures where it's okay for daddies too," Jean magnanimously allowed.

Duke laughed softly. “I look forward to it.”

"Only good daddies, though.  No bad daddies. Or bad mommies.  But that's okay, because you're the bestest daddy, so you can come."

Duke crouched down and kissed her on the forehead. “Thank you,” he said before shuffling round and doing the same to Nathan.

Jean giggled and lifted her arms for a hug.  "Can we have dinner now, Daddy? I'm hungry."

“It will be...about five minutes. We can go get washed up ready for dinner, set the table…” Duke said, giving her the hug she'd asked for.

"Okay, Daddy." She snuggled happily against him.

“Coming, Nate?”

"Gladly," Nathan said softly.

Ten minutes later, they were sitting at the table with chicken breasts that had been cut into chunks and rolled in breadcrumbs and herbs, sweet potato fries (with chilli flakes for Nathan and Duke) and carrots that Duke had arranged into a smiley face for Jean.

Jean squealed in delight when she saw her smiling plate.  "Daddy! It's smiling!"

Duke laughed. “Yes, it is, because smiles are good.”

"You're so silly, Daddy!" Jean giggled.

“Yeah, yeah, you'll be calling me the silliest Daddy instead of the bestest Daddy soon.”

"You're both!" Jean laughed in delight at her own genius conclusion.

Duke laughed along with her. “Ok, ok, I'm both.”

"Bestest silly Daddy!" She giggled.

Duke nodded. “Gonna eat that food or just giggle at it?” he teased gently.

Jean took and rearranged her carrots upside down, so they were smiling across the table at Duke.

“Cute.” Duke smiled softly. “C'mon, though, more eating, less playing.”

"Okay, Daddy," Jean agreed, settling down to her supper.

“Good girl,” Duke praised, starting to eat his own.

"This is really good, Duke," Nathan praised.

“Thanks,” Duke said, smiling. “Not a bad alternative to chicken nuggets and fries.”

"I'd eat it any day." Nathan smiled.

"Is good, Daddy," Jean agreed.

“Good,” Duke said. “And there  _ might  _ be ice cream for dessert but only if you finish your vegetables. That includes you, Nathan.”

"Ice cream?" Jean perked up.  

"Vegetables are yummy, I always eat my vegetables.  Sometimes I ask for more," Nathan said gravely.

“Ice cream. With chocolate sauce. There are more vegetables if anyone would like them.”

"I'll have some, thanks." Nathan smiled.

"...me too," Jean said, determined to show that she could eat vegetables too.

Duke immediately jumped up to dish up the extra vegetables that he hadn't been sure Jean would eat.

"See?  I think vegetables are yummy too!" Jean boasted, eating the carrots while looking Nathan in the eye.  It was so like what Duke had done with his bottle of whiskey at their first meeting that Nathan broke down laughing.

“What's so funny?” Duke asked, looking from one to the other.

"You're silly too," Jean concluded.

"It's just like you when we first met," Nathan managed, still laughing.  "Staring me right in the eye like a challenge. She's your daughter, all right."

Duke laughed. “If she's anything like me, she's gonna give me trouble in a few years.”

Jean's smile abruptly vanished.  "No I won't! I'll be good, Daddy, I don't want to go away again!  See, I eat all the carrots, I don't even want ice cream." She began shoving the carrots in her mouth as quickly as she could.

“Hey,” Duke said softly, gently taking the fork from her. “What's all this about, kiddo? You don't have to go away, ever.”

Jean clung to him, swallowing her mouthful.  "It's because I was bad." She sniffled. "I was bad, so we went to the bad place."

Duke hugged her tightly. “Listen to me, sweetie, ok, I need you to understand this. Nothing, and I mean  _ nothing  _ that happened was your fault. None of it. You weren't bad, that's not why mommy moved out and took you with her and I'm sorry that I couldn't stop it and I don't want you thinking that you're going to have to leave if you do something wrong. That's not happening. You have a home here, with me, no matter what. I mean that.”

"I broke a plate," Jean cried, hugging him.  "I was hungry and I wanted a snack so I stood on my stool to look in the fridge and a plate with some grapes fell out and broke.  I hid it in the trash but Mommy took me away anyway."

Duke blinked back tears and kissed her forehead. “That was an accident, not your fault and it wasn't your fault that mommy took you away. That had nothing to do with breaking a plate, mommy was angry with me so she left and took you with her.”

"...Did you break a plate too?" Jean sniffled.

“No.  It was...grown up stuff that you’re probably too young to understand…”

Jean scowled.  "Grown ups always say that."

“Yeah, ok, you have a point. So. Mommy and Daddy used to be in love and we were happy but sometimes that doesn't always work out. When I told mommy it wasn't working out, she got angry and left and took you with her. That wasn't your fault, it was all mine and I'll forever be sorry that you got caught up in our mess.”

Jean hugged him hard.  "You're not a bad daddy!  It's  _ not _ your fault!"

Duke hugged her back. “Thank you. Maybe I'm not a bad daddy but I wasn't a good husband and our relationship - mommy and me - broke down. I wish with all my heart that I'd done better and mommy hadn't taken you away but I can't change that. All I can do is make things better for you now. And that includes helping you to believe that it wasn't your fault. It wasn't. Not a bit of it.”

"Thank you, Daddy.  You're the bestest Daddy.  Mommy was dumb to go away. And mean to take me too."

Duke kissed her forehead. “Thanks sweetie. Feel up to finishing your dinner?”

Jean nodded, letting Duke settle her back at the table.

“Good,” Duke said, kissing her forehead and exchanging a glance with Nathan.

Jean ate dutifully, but without any real enthusiasm.

“Don't have to finish that if you're not hungry.”

"It's okay Daddy."

“Ok.” Duke ruffled her hair. “Want me to get ice cream ready for after?”

"...Maybe a little.  Can we have huggies, too?"

“Huggies and ice cream on the couch watching Peppa Pig?”

"Yes please Daddy," Jean said hopefully.

“Ok,” Duke kissed her forehead and stood up to clear the plates and wash up.

"I got this," Nathan stood quickly.  "You go have your ice cream and huggies."

“Thanks, Nate,” Duke said. “Want some ice cream?”

"Sure, thanks." Nathan gave him a warm smile and rested a hand on his shoulder briefly before heading into the kitchen.

“Be right back, kiddo, just gonna get the ice cream ready,” Duke said, following Nathan.

Jean slipped out of her chair to follow them, clinging to Duke's jeans with one hand.

Duke scooped her up. “You ok?”

She cuddled against him and shrugged.

“Ok,” Duke soothed softly. “What's wrong?”

"Dunno.  Just want huggies."  

"Why don't you two cuddle and I'll bring the ice cream out when I'm done with the dishes?" Nathan suggested gently.

“Thanks,” Duke said softly. He carried Jean into the lounge and sat down on the couch, cuddling her in his lap.

"Better," Jean pronounced solemnly, snuggling against him.

“Good,” Duke said, hugging her tightly. “Nathan'll bring ice cream in in a minute. Ice cream makes everything better, right?”

"I guess.  But Daddy hugs are better," Jean told him.

Duke kissed her forehead. “There will always be Daddy hugs. No matter how old you are or what's wrong, you can always come for a cuddle.”

Jean kissed his cheek.  "That's why you're the bestest Daddy."

Duke cuddled her close. “Want to watch some Peppa Pig with your ice cream?”

"Yes please," she asked, snuggled close.

“Ok,” Duke said softly, pulling up Netflix and starting the show. “Nathan'll be in with it in a few minutes.”

By the time Nathan came in a few minutes later, Jean seemed to be feeling a bit better - still cuddling but not quite so clingy.    She smiled when Nathan handed her the bowl - in addition to the chocolate sauce, he'd made a smile with whipped cream, cherries for eyes and a nose.

“Thanks,” Duke said, smiling softly.

"You're good too," Jean decided, eating the cherry nose.

"Thanks, Jean." Nathan smiled, settling down with them.

After they'd finished their ice cream, and another episode of Peppa Pig, Jean was yawning and fidgety and Duke took the bowl away from her.

“Ready for bed, kiddo?”

"Don't wanna," Jean mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah, I know but sleep's important so you have energy for more adventures tomorrow.”

"Can I have a bedtime adventure?"

“...What sort of bedtime adventure would you like?”

"Tell me a story about me an' Princess Rose Magic?"

“Ok.  _ After  _ you've got ready and settled into bed.”

"Do I gotta take a bath?" Jean whined.

“Yup. Bath, brush teeth, PJ's on, into bed, then storytime.”

"I don't wanna bath," she sulked.

"You don't want to be a mermaid visiting Princess Rose Magic's seahorse friends?" Nathan smiled.

Duke gave him an appreciative glance. “I'm pretty sure seaunicorns are a thing, right? Maybe they're Princess Rose Magic's cousins?”

Jean stopped looking sulky.  "Sea unicorns! They have big pretty fins like those fancy fishies at the pet store!"

“Yes,” Duke said, smiling. “Yes they do and they're bright colours but they're shy and you have to know just where to look so you can see them. But you're Princess Rose Magic's best friend so they'll definitely come and see you.”

"I wanna go see them!" Jean beamed.  

Nathan kissed his cheek.  "Looks like you guys are all set for ocean adventures.  Anything else I can do before I head out?"

“You're going?” Duke said, disappointed.

Nathan blinked.  "Well. I figured.  I mean. You've got bedtime stuff to deal with, and.  Um." He looked at Jean uncertainly.

"You can stay," Jean pronounced regally.  "Daddy likes you."

Duke grinned and kissed her forehead. “Thanks kiddo. What do you say, we go and get you ready for bed, then you can come say goodnight to Nathan.”

"Okay Daddy." Jean headed off to the bathroom, already shedding clothes in the unselfconscious manner of toddlers everywhere.

Nathan turned his back, rubbing a hand over his face.  "Forgot little kids do that."

“Yeah, she'll learn soon enough not to,” Duke said, briefly kissing Nathan's cheek before picking up the trail of clothes Jean had left in her wake.

Once she was bathed (and the bathroom was covered in water from her adventures with the seaunicorns) and in her pyjamas, Jean was sleepy and Duke carried her back out to the lounge.

“Ok sweetie, time to say g'night and get some sleep.”

"Night night, Nate." Jean reached for him, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Good night, princess," Nathan said gently, stroking her hair.

Duke smiled softly before he carried Jean into her bedroom and got her settled. Once she was asleep, he cleaned up the mess in the bathroom and joined Nathan on the couch, practically flinging himself at Nathan and throwing his arms around him.

“Thank you,” he mumbled into Nathan's neck.

Nathan hugged him tightly.  "You okay?"

“Yeah. Tired. And I think I might need to rant before I explode with anger. But yeah, I'm ok and I really appreciate everything you've done today. Went better than I could've hoped.”

Nathan rubbed his back and kissed his cheek.  "Rant away."

“Fucking  _ Evi _ ,” Duke practically spat her name out. “What the hell has she been telling Jean? What's she been making her do? Why is my little girl so fucking terrified that she'll have to go away if she's bad? I just…” he trailed off and took a deep breath. “Sorry. You might get a lot of this. I don't - I don't want to run her down in front of Jean, that's...Jean might want to have a relationship with her someday, or her grandparents, and I don't want to be the one who turns her against any of them but  _ fuck  _ it's hard not to say anything.”

Nathan pulled him into a hug.  "I can only imagine," he said softly.

“I'm so fucking  _ angry,  _ Nate but I can't let her see that. I can't let her see how much it destroys me that I couldn't protect her from all that shit.”

Nathan hugged him tighter.  "You can always be angry with me, whenever you need to.  And I know it probably doesn't help to hear, but there was nothing you could have done.  You did everything you could."

“Thanks, Nate,” Duke said, relaxing against him. “I can't change it, I know I can't change it but...it hurts.”

"I know." Nathan held him close, kissing his forehead.  "But she'll heal and be the brightest, happiest, best-loved little girl there ever was."

“Yeah. She will. I'll - I'll make sure of it.”

"You already are.  It's amazing she's doing so well already, even if she has some tough moments."

Duke nodded.  “Yeah, it’s only been a day, she’s already miles better than when I picked her up.”

"Exactly.  She's home and safe with her beloved Daddy, before you know it she'll barely remember her time with Evi - if she does at all."

“Yeah, I...kinda hope she doesn't.”

"Probably not.  She's really young.  Most permanent memories are only starting to form at this age.  Do you remember being four?"

“...Yeah and I wish I fucking didn't.”

Nathan hugged him tighter.  "I'm sorry."

“No, I'm sorry, I'm sinking and I need not to. Want to watch some Firefly?”

"Anything you need." Nathan kissed him gently.

“You're the best, Nate,” Duke said softly. “Thank you for everything today.”

"Thank you for including me." Nathan stroked Duke's hair.  "That meant the world to me."

“Thank you for being part of it,” Duke said, closing his eyes under Nathan's gentle touch.

"It's…" Nathan swallowed a lump in his throat.  "It's all I've ever wanted."

“And now you have it.”

"I...I don't want to presume.  I'm happy to help, I always will be, but I can't just insert myself into your lives, into your family.  That's...creepy. And gross. Like women who steal newborn babies and pretend they're theirs, or those horror movies where someone comes in as a babysitter or something and acts more and more like a parent until they're trying to get rid of the actual parent."

“Nathan...ok, look, it's early days, we're not rushing into anything, for our sakes as much as Jean's but you're not inserting yourself into our lives, you've been invited. By both of us. It might not be what a conventional family looks like - not yet, anyway - but as far as I'm concerned, we, all three of us, are a family.”

Nathan hugged him fiercely tight, tears escaping his closed eyes to soak through Duke's shirt.

Duke gently stroked his hair, murmuring soft words.

"Sorry, sorry," Nathan mumbled, his breath shaky as he continued to cry.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Duke said quietly, holding him close.

"It's just….I wanted a family so much.  Someone to love. Children of my own. And it didn't happen, and didn't happen, and then I thought it never would, I thought I'd lost all chance."

Duke kissed his forehead. “You have a family. It's a messy, slightly fucked up one but…”

"It's the best family in the whole world," Nathan said fiercely.

“Yeah. It is. And we're gonna have to take things slowly, give Jean the space she needs but she loves you already. Back before... everything, I  _ never  _ saw her voluntarily hug  _ anyone  _ except me. I just wanted her to say goodnight and maybe give you a little wave but no, she wanted to hug you. So yeah. Early days but... family.”

Nathan swallowed another lump.  "I thought she was just sleepy."

“Nope. She clings to me when she's sleepy. For her to want to leave me and go to you... means you're someone special.”

Nathan ducked his head against Duke's shoulder, tears welling up again.  "She...how...I've only known her for a day."

“Instinct. Kids are good judges of character. You're a good person and she knows that.”

"Well, I'd pretty much already die for her, so I guess she's not wrong?" Nathan gave a watery laugh.

Duke laughed softly. “She's not wrong.”

Nathan hugged him close.  "Thank you…"

“...No, thank  _ you.   _ For caring about both of us, for being someone we can trust and rely on.  For being kind and gentle and soft. For being someone we can both look up to.  For being you.”

"Anything, anything for you," Nathan said quietly.  "Always."

Duke gently wiped the tears from Nathan’s face with his sleeve and leaned in to kiss him softly.

Nathan returned the tender kiss, then settled against Duke's chest, still a little teary-eyed.

"Daddy?  Why is Nate sad?" came a small voice beside them.

“Hey kiddo,” Duke said, drawing away from Nathan but leaving a comforting hand on his shoulder.  “He isn’t sad, he’s just emotional. Sometimes emotions get too much to hold and they spill out as tears.”

"I know it might sound silly, but I'm crying because I'm really happy." Nathan nodded.

"Grown ups are  _ very _ silly." Jean wrinkled her nose, climbing onto the couch to snuggle with them.

Duke tucked her in between them, hugging both of them.  “Yeah, grown ups are silly.”

"This is nice," she murmured, snuggling down between them.  Nathan gently drew a blanket over them, tucking it around Jean's little shoulder with his heart in his eyes.

“Yeah, it is,” Duke murmured softly, leaning his head on Nathan’s shoulder.

"Cuddles are the bestest," Jean mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah, they are.  You gonna sleep here?” Duke said, stroking Jean’s hair.

"Can I, Daddy?  Wanna stay."

“I don’t want it to become a habit but yeah, one off, you can stay.”

"I know, I gotta sleep inna big girl bed." She sighed.  "Rather have huggies with you."

“How’s this?  You can stay here for a while and I’ll carry you to bed once you fall asleep.  Then you don’t miss any huggies.”

"That's good, Daddy." She yawned.

“That’s what we’ll do then,” Duke said softly.

"Love you, Daddy."

“Love you too,” Duke said, cuddling her tightly.

Nathan looked at Duke, those same words - words he didn't yet dare say - clear in his eyes.

Duke gave him a smile and the briefest of nods before he snuggled in closer.

Nathan snuggled down with the two of them, yawning himself.

“You staying?”  Duke asked quietly.

"Would love nothing more," Nathan murmured.

“Hey kiddo, Nathan’ll probably still be here in the morning.  That ok with you?” Duke said, quietly enough that he wouldn’t wake Jean if she’d already fallen asleep.

Jean mumbled sleepily.

“Think we’ll take that as a yes,” Duke said softly.

"Works for me." Nathan dared to lean over and kiss him softly.

Duke kissed him back, just briefly, then closed his eyes and rested his head on Nathan’s shoulder, Jean still tucked in between them.

Nathan relaxed and closed his eyes, more content than he'd ever been.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleven months later  
> (finally some smut!)

"I feel like one of those terrible bitchy moms who insists everything's perfect for her little princess' sweet sixteen," Nathan muttered, fretting over the party plans.

Duke nudged his shoulder affectionately.  “It’s fine, look, everyone’s been invited, right?  Everyone knows they’re coming and what time? Everything else…. I mean, the cake has to be right but Rosemary’s doing that, it’ll be fine, and - oh, are you any good at wrapping presents because I tried and...honestly, they look like a toddler wrapped them and I kinda want them to be pretty and _ribbony_ and not...messy and... _tapey.”_

Nathan relaxed a little.  "Yeah. That I can do." He went over to the pile of presents and set to work using the skills he'd acquired from decoupage to do a beautiful job.

“Thanks, Nate,” Duke said softly, stifling a yawn.  “You do realise she’s gonna wake us up at like...six tomorrow morning because she’s so excited?”

"Yeah.  Worth it." Nathan smiled softly.

“So worth it.  God, I can’t believe she’s gonna be five tomorrow.  She’ll be at school before we know it.”

"Yeah, that's…" Nathan trailed off, a little misty at the thought of Jean being gone all day.

“Yeah.  I did choose the right presents, didn’t I?” Duke changed the subject.  “I mean, I know there’re loads but...I missed her last birthday and the one before...things were pretty rough, she didn’t get the day she deserved.”

"She'll love them," Nathan said positively.

“Hope so.  Thanks for doing the cake design.  Pretty sure she’s gonna love seeing Princess Rose Magic on a cake.”

"Just hope it comes out ok in cake."

“It will.  Rosemary’s the best at cakes, she’s done loads for parties at the Gull.”

"I know.  I just….I want everything to be perfect, too."

Duke kissed him softly.  “I know you do and we’ve done everything we can to make sure it is.  So. Come to bed? There’s literally nothing more we can do tonight.”

"Okay." Nathan straightened one last bow and stood.  "Jean still asleep? Hasn't tried to sneak in here?"

“Doing her best facedown starfish impression.”

Nathan chuckled.  "She takes after you that way, did you know?"

“I...I do _not_ sleep like a starfish, I curl up like a cat.”

"When you go to sleep, yeah.  Then you sprawl."

“...Well it’s not like I have any control over how I end up when I’m asleep and by the way, while we’re on this subject, did you know that you _fidget_ beyond belief?”

"In my sleep?" Nathan said dubiously.

“Yep.  Like, when you’re awake, you hardly move at all, unless you’re stressed, you don’t tap your foot or drum your fingers or fiddle with anything but when you’re asleep, it’s like you’re _constantly_ moving.”

"Do I keep you awake?" Nathan looked worried.

“No.” Duke leaned in to kiss his forehead.  “I just notice when I’m awake for other stuff.”

Nathan blushed and leaned up to steal a kiss.  "Like...the other stuff we could be doing right now?"

“That...wasn’t what I meant, no, but now that you mention it…” Duke said, curling his fingers around the nape of Nathan’s neck to pull him close for another kiss.

Nathan deepened the kiss, his hands sliding up under Duke's shirt.

“Have I mentioned,” Duke mumbled between kisses, tugging Nathan towards their bedroom, “how much I love you?”

"Always love to hear that.  Almost as much as I love you."

“Never get tired of hearing that,” Duke said as he quietly closed and locked the bedroom door.

Nathan drew him in for another kiss.  "I do, I love you so much, Duke. I want you to make love to me."

“I love you too, Nate.  More than I have words for,” Duke said softly, starting to unbutton Nathan’s shirt.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.  You're sweet and funny and kind and an amazing dad."

“You forgot 'amazing in bed’.”

"That too." Nathan chuckled.

Duke grinned and slipped Nathan's shirt off, pressing against him to gently nibble his neck.

Nathan whined a little, trailing his fingers up Duke's spine in just the way he knew his lover liked.

Duke arched against him, his hands sliding down to grab Nathan's ass, holding him close.

"You're wearing too much," Nathan said breathlessly, pulling off Duke's shirt and starting on his pants.

“So're you,” Duke murmured, deftly unbuckling Nathan's belt.

Nathan managed to get Duke's jeans open, and slid them off his hips along with his underwear.  "Much better," he murmured, sliding his hand around Duke's shaft.

Duke stifled a groan and stumbled back towards the bed, pulling Nathan with him.

Nathan followed, using his free hand to try to shove the rest of his clothes off.

“You're so gorgeous, Nate,” Duke said quietly, helping Nathan with the rest of his clothes before he flung himself onto the bed.

Nathan climbed onto the bed over him, leaning down for an intense kiss.  "Says the man who looks like a work of art all stretched out in the moonlight like that."

“Smooth talker,” Duke said, grinning and pulling Nathan down to kiss him again.

"S'true." Nathan returned the kiss thoroughly, continuing his slow, teasing stroking.

Duke arched up into his hand with a tiny moan that was barely more than a sigh.

Nathan leaned down to kiss and lick Duke's neck, seeking out all the most sensitive spots.  "I miss hearing your voice when we have to be quiet."

“It's really hard to be quiet when everything you do” - Duke gasped as Nathan's lips found a particularly sensitive spot - “is so fucking good.”

"Oh, should I stop?" Nathan grinned, flicking his tongue against that spot.

“No…” Duke whined quietly.

Nathan chuckled and continued his attentions, sucking and nipping gently at the sensitive skin.  "You wanna get me ready, or you wanna watch me prep myself?" he murmured.

“Let me…? Please?” Duke said, already wriggling out from under Nathan to grab the bottle of lube from the nightstand drawer.

"Gladly." Nathan smiled.  He rolled onto his back and spread his legs.

“Do you have,” Duke said, positioning himself between Nathan's thighs and leaning down to lightly kiss the tip of Nathan's cock, “any idea how hot you are?”

Nathan whimpered, arching eagerly.  "Duke, please…"

“Impatient,” Duke teased but he slicked up his fingers and gently slid one, then another into Nathan, somehow managing to also lick a long, slow stripe up the underside of Nathan's length at the same time.

Nathan choked back a moan, his hips arching eagerly at the intrusion.

“Good?” Duke murmured, curling his fingers, searching for the right spot.

" _So_ good." Nathan moaned softly, shuddering and whining when Duke found it.

Duke grinned and wrapped his lips around Nathan's cock, sucking gently.

"God, Duke," Nathan choked out, his fingers twining in Duke's hair.

“Tell me what you want, Nate,” Duke pulled off long enough to say.

"I want you to suck me off then fuck me while I'm still feeling so, so good," Nathan whimpered.

Duke moaned softly around his mouthful, sucking harder, and curled his fingers again.

Nathan's length twitched in Duke's mouth.  "Duke, I'm so close already," Nathan groaned.

“Mmhmm,” Duke mumbled, not missing a beat.

Nathan shivered, his long lean body pulling tight with tension, his soft moan pleading wordlessly for completion.

Duke sucked harder and faster, giving Nathan what he wanted.

Nathan groaned, unable to keep from thrusting into Duke's mouth, spilling down his throat.

Duke swallowed and grinned, moving to wrap his arms around Nathan.

Nathan made a soft sound of bliss, wrapping Duke in his arms and pulling him down for a kiss.

“Love you,” Duke murmured.

"Love you too, Duke.  So much," Nathan murmured adoringly.

Duke held him tightly, nuzzling into his neck.

Nathan wrapped his legs around Duke's hips, pressing their bodies together.  "Want to make you feel good too, Duke."

Duke stifled a groan.  “Want that too…”

"Want you inside me, Duke, I'm ready," Nathan murmured, kissing him.

“You really want that?  Even though you’ve just…?”

"I really want that.  You feel so good inside me, even if I'm not ready to come again."

“Always feel like I’m using you when we do that,” Duke said quietly.

"You're not," Nathan said earnestly.  "I love it. I love when you take me in the afterglow, I love being so relaxed and blissful while I feel you inside me.  It's still pleasure, even without a climax. I'd rather do that for hours without coming than jerk myself off for a quick orgasm."

Duke kissed him gently and reached for the lube again, liberally applying some to his cock.  “Ready?” he asked softly.

"Very," Nathan reached for him, pulling him into a kiss.

Duke kissed him back, carefully lining up and pressing inside Nathan, moving slowly and gently.

Nathan gave a soft blissful moan.  "Mmmm, Duke, you feel so good, love it like this, love you so much."

“God, Nate,” Duke murmured breathlessly, nuzzling into Nathan's neck as he rocked against him.

"Yes, Duke, love feeling you inside me, love making you feel good, love being so happy, so close to you, thank you for letting me have this."

Duke let out a full body shudder, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Nathan's as he started to move harder and faster.

"Yeah, like that, Duke, feel so good, love this, can't wait to feel you come inside me."

“Nathan...” Duke’s voice was almost a whimper as he held Nathan tightly, as though he was trying to get closer, as though being inside him was still not _close enough._

Nathan held him close and kissed him deeply, as vocal in his enjoyment as he dared to be, wrapping every limb around Duke as if he too were trying to meld them into one.

“Love you so much,” Duke murmured, barely able to hold back.

"Love you too, Duke, more than words could ever say. You don't have to hold back, I want to feel you come inside me.'

Duke buried his face in Nathan's neck and with two more quick, hard thrusts, came inside him.

"Mm, yes Duke, love that, love you, feels so good," Nathan moaned softly.

Still gasping for breath, Duke all but collapsed on top of him, mouthing softly at his neck.

"That was amazing, Duke. Thank you.” Nathan kissed his forehead, stroking his back.

Duke melted into the soft affection, as he always did, managing to mumble - "don't need to thank me, Nate."

"I know doing it this way isn't your favorite thing. I appreciate your willingness to give me that even so. So, thank you."

Duke laughed softly and kissed him. "Should be me thanking you."

Nathan shook his head. "Never think I don't get anything out of that, Duke. It feels wonderful, I love it, it's a special kind of intimacy to let you in when I'm so open and vulnerable and relaxed.”

"I...hadn't thought of it like that..." Duke said, moving to wrap himself around Nathan.

Nathan kissed him softly. "That's how it feels for me, I love that special closeness, like I'm opening up my whole soul to you. And it feels really good physically too, of course."

Duke held him tightly.  "Then I'm glad I can give that to you."

Nathan kissed him softly. "You're the best lover anyone could ever ask for."

"You're not so bad yourself."

Nathan smiled, and pulled him in for another long, slow kiss.

Duke kissed him back before he reluctantly pulled away with a soft sigh so he could get up and pull on a pair of sweatpants, throwing Nathan the shorts and t-shirt he wore as pyjamas.

"You're the best," Nathan told him, his heart in his eyes.

"Back at ya, Nate," Duke said, waiting until Nathan had pulled his shorts on before he unlocked the bedroom door.  "Should probably get some sleep before we get woken up at half past ass o'clock by an over-enthusiastic five year old."

"Mm, yes. Come back to bed." Nathan reached for him.

Duke smiled softly and curled himself into Nathan's waiting arms.

Sure enough, the sun had barely begun to peek over the horizon when Jean was hammering excitedly on their door.

"'s open," Duke mumbled sleepily, nudging Nathan in case he wasn't awake.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Jean burst in, bouncing up onto the bed and swarming all over them.

Duke grinned, albeit a slightly bleary one.  "Happy birthday, kiddo," he said, giving Jean a great big hug.

Jean hugged him so tight he could barely breathe then hugged Nathan just as hard. "Daddy, what's another word for Daddy?"

"Uh.  Dad, father, papa, pops...?"  Duke was convinced it was too early in the morning to be coming up with synonyms.

Jean made a face at the first two, but looked thoughtful. "Papa?"

Duke raised his eyebrows.  "You want to call me papa instead?"

"Not you, silly Daddy!" She giggled and hugged Nathan again. "Papa!"

Still barely awake, Nathan felt the word like a punch to the gut, leaving him breathless, tears in his eyes.

Duke smiled softly and cleared his throat.  "Pretty sure Nate'll be happy if you start calling him that."

"He's a Daddy just like you, he does all the Daddy things. But I can't call him Daddy because that's just silly, so I needed a new word. I have a Papa and a Daddy," she said proudly.

Nathan hugged her close, still too overcome to speak.

"Perfect," Duke said quietly, hugging them both.

Nathan kissed Jean's hair very gently.  "I love you, little princess," he said softly. 

"Love you too, Papa!"

"I love you both too," Duke said quietly, wrapping them both up in a hug.

"Love you, Daddy!  I got the bestest Daddy AND the bestest Papa!" Jean beamed.

"Yeah, you do," Duke said, giving Nathan a soft smile.

Nathan gazed softly at his little family, so much love in his eyes.

Jean leaned up and kissed his cheek.  "An' now you're Papa, you can be in the adventures too.  Not the talk adventures, the pictures. So the whole family is there."

Duke's heart swelled and he reached for his phone, switched the camera on and aimed it at them. "Family selfie time!"

Nathan cuddled close for the photo.  He was a mess of teary eyes and a shaky smile, but he didn't care.  Family. His family.

Duke took several pictures, selected the best one and sent it to Nathan. "Ok, and now we're all awake, I think it's time for coffee and breakfast aaaaand..." he paused to tickle Jean, "presents!"

Jean shrieked with glee and squirmed free, racing out to the living room.

Once she was out of the room, Nathan allowed himself just a moment to quietly break down.

"Ok?" Duke said softly, rubbing his back.

"Yeah, I just..." Nathan swallowed thickly.

Duke pulled him into a hug. "Yeah, I know..."

"All this time I've felt like it could fall apart at any moment, no matter how often you told me I was part of this family or how much she seemed to love me.  I was always scared I didn't really belong, that deep down Jean still saw me as that scary stranger she didn't want to get near. I was scared this wasn't real, that it was too good to be true."

"You never told me," Duke said quietly. "You kept that to yourself all these months and now… now you know you belong."

"Wasn't your job to constantly soothe my insecurities.  My baggage is mine to handle, you had more'n enough worries of your own.  But never mind that. I'm Papa now." He smiled.

"Yeah, you are." Duke leaned in for a gentle kiss. "And soothing your insecurities _is_ my job. We're partners, that's what we do."

Nathan kissed him softly, cupping his cheek in one hand.  "You really are the bestest." He smiled.

"Oh, I dunno, pretty sure you're the bestest."

"The bestest Daddy and the bestest Papa." Nathan grinned.  "Speaking of which, we better get out there before she loses patience and just opens _everything_."

Duke laughed softly. "Yeah and I need coffee if I have to be awake at this time in the morning."

"You and me both." Nathan chuckled.

"And there's a whole party to finishing prepping for.”

"The first of many," Nathan said happily.

"Yep. Just think, when she goes to school and makes friends her own age, place is gonna be overrun with gangs of small children on a sugar high."

"No gangs.  There are limits."

"There are definitely limits. Y'know, though, maybe we should start thinking about a little brother or sister for her..."

"Adoption?  We'll have to do a lot of research and prep - and save money."

"Yeah, or surrogacy. Either way, yeah, research and prep and money."

"Surrogacy..." Nathan murmured, his expression wistful.  "For you or me?"

"For you," Duke said softly.

Nathan's throat closed up with emotion and he hugged Duke hard.

Duke hugged him back, just as hard. "We'll look into it," he promised. "For now, let's go find our daughter and see how much chaos she can create with ribbons and wrapping paper."

Nathan nodded, but caught Duke's hand as he moved to get up.  "She always will be. Our daughter, mine too. Even if I do find a surrogate and have a biological child, I'll never love Jean any less or think of her as less of my child."

“I know you won't. Same as I wouldn't love any child of yours, biological or adopted, any less than I love Jean. They'll be _our children,_ Nate and we'll love them and treasure them and support them.”

"That's all I ever wanted in the world.  You're so amazing, Duke. You've made me so happy." Nathan hugged him close, nuzzling against his shoulder.

Duke held him tightly. “Love you, Nate. Couldn't wish for a better partner to go through life with.”

"Always," Nathan promised.  "I'll always be the very best partner and father I can be."

“I know you will be. You already are.”

"I, uh.  I mean. I will be always.  If you wanted." Nathan looked embarrassed.  "Didn't really plan to do this right now. Making a mess of it, I know.  Sorry."

“Making a mess of what, Nate?” Duke asked gently.

Nathan looked even more embarrassed.  "Asking if you'd want me around always."

“I...kinda thought that's what we were doing here anyway. What are you trying to say?”

"Shoulda waited till I had a ring." Nathan rubbed a hand over his face.  "Look, how do you feel about putting up with me for the rest of your life?"

Duke kissed him softly. “I was planning on loving you for the rest of my life but if you're asking me to make it official, then yes. A million times yes.”

Nathan gave a huge sigh of relief, pulling Duke closer and returning the tender kiss.

"Thought about asking you," Duke said quietly. "Just didn't seem right until my divorce is finalised."

"I've thought about it too, so many times.  But I didn't want to ask until I was really, truly a part of this family - a father to Jean as much as a lover to you."

"And now you are, in her eyes too," Duke said softly.

Nathan nodded.  "And I've never been happier in my life."

"Neither have I," Duke said, nuzzling into Nathan's neck. "Kinda glad I downed that bottle of whiskey..."

"I'm kind of glad you didn't poison yourself doing that."

"Well yeah, there is that but you know what I mean. Out of darkness comes light or some such bullshit."

"Or some such bullshit." Nathan grinned.

"God I love you," Duke said, hugging Nathan tightly.

"I love you too, Duke.  So much."

Duke gave him another squeeze before he pulled away. “C'mon, let's go see what chaos the birthday girl is causing.”

Nathan stole one more kiss before he followed Duke out to celebrate their daughter's birthday.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, folks. Last weekend got away from me - G.H.
> 
> A short epilogue showing their lives five years on

[Five Years Later]

Nathan looked up with a warm smile as the Rouge's main hatch opened, heralding Duke's return. "Welcome home. How's the Gull?"

"Full of tourists," Duke said, leaning down to kiss Nathan on the forehead.  "How're the kids?"

Nathan looked over at the couch, where Jean and baby James were piled together napping, and smiled fondly. "Peaceful, for a change."

"Is it bad that I love them extra more when they're asleep?"

"No, they're adorable that way." Nathan smiled. He cupped Duke's cheek and pulled him in for a kiss, his wedding ring smooth against Duke's skin.

Duke kissed him back, sighing softly when he pulled away.  "You eaten or have you been studying all evening?"

"The kids kept me honest. A lot harder to forget meals when you're being treated to a non-stop chorus of 'Papa, I'm hungry!'." He grinned.

Duke laughed softly.  "Kinda hard to ignore, isn't it?"

"Just a bit. And just as well."

"Yep, otherwise you'd get stuck into the books and forget to eat."

"Most likely," Nathan smiled ruefully and pulled him close for another kiss. "But have I mentioned how much I love you for helping me get a second chance at this?"

"You have.  Several times.  And you thanked me profusely one night," Duke said, smirking slightly.

Nathan grinned. "You loved it. But seriously, I never would have gone to get tested for learning disabilities without you, much less found a school willing to work with me and set up a learning plan."

Duke kissed him gently.  "Always knew you could do it.  Am I gonna have to call you Doctor Crocker-Wuornos in a few months?"

"That's the hope. So glad they were willing to give me credit for the courses I did manage to pass, otherwise I wouldn't start practicing until I was fifty."

"Whenever you start practicing, you're gonna be amazing."

"You're amazing." Nathan smiled and kissed him. "Oh, James' mom wanted to know if we'd like to do lunch on Sunday."

“Sunday’s good.  With your dad and Gloria as well?”

"Perfect." Nathan beamed, pulling him close for a kiss.

Duke kissed him back.  "Want me to put the kids to bed so you can finish up here?"

Nathan smiled, slow and warm and loving. "Have I told you lately you're the best husband I could ever ask for?"

"Yes, but I never get tired of hearing you say it."

"The very best husband in the whole wide world," Nathan murmured, punctuating each word with a kiss.

Duke laughed softly.  "Nah, think you win that award."

"Too late, I already declared you the winner." Nathan smiled goofily.

Duke laughed again and kissed Nathan's cheek.  "Ok, fine, I'll stop arguing. Just want you to always know how amazing you are."

"Could say the same for you." Nathan kissed him tenderly.

"I do know, because you never let me doubt it."

"Good, love." Nathan kissed him again.

Duke kissed him back and reluctantly pulled away.  "Ok, lemme get the kids to bed, then maybe we can spend the rest of the evening together?"

"Couldn't ask for anything better. For you I'll even put the books away," Nathan teased.

"Oh, oh, I'm competing with _books_ now?" Duke teased back.

"You’re winning, though." Nathan grinned

"Thanks.  I'm reassured.  I think," Duke said, going to scoop up a fast asleep James and a still dozing Jean.

Nathan watched him with adoring eyes. "You're an amazing father."

Duke smiled back softly.  "Not doing too badly yourself."

"Love you so much, Duke. Always."

"Love you too, Nate," Duke said.  "And you two," he added, kissing both Jean and James on the forehead.

The children stirred sleepily, but didn't fully wake.

By the time Duke had got them settled down in their respective bedrooms, Nathan had finished studying and put the books away.  

"Sure you were finished?" Duke checked.  "Don't want to interrupt you from important stuff."

"I'll be fine. Test isn't for a couple days." Nathan wrapped his arms around Duke.

Duke leaned into his contact, stifling a yawn.  "Long day," he admitted. "Guess the kids were playing 'try to stay up to see Daddy' when they crashed out on the couch?"

"Yeah. Figured it wouldn't hurt 'em any to sleep on the couch rather than their rooms."

Duke nodded. "I tell you I found someone to cover closing all next week?"

Nathan beamed. "No, that's great news!"

"Yep," Duke grinned back. _"And_ all next weekend too."

"We should _definitely_ do something fun."

"We should. Maybe a weekend away?"

"Perfect. Fun family trip, or a romantic getaway for two?"

Duke hesitated. "Is it really bad to say romantic getaway?"

"Not at all. We both adore our kids but romance is important in a marriage too. Jean would leap at the chance for a weekend with Lizzie, and Gloria would love to steal her honorary grandson."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. And it's not a bad thing for them to learn to be independent from us."

"Exactly. It's more than healthy for them to be able to spend time without us. Especially Jean."

Duke nodded. "I mean...she's ten now, she's loads less clingy than she was but I don't think she's ever forgotten being away from me for so long."

Nathan nodded. "Understandable."

"Yeah.  Poor kid.  At least Evi signed away all her parental rights."

"Yeah, even I had a lot more peace of mind after that."

"Me too," Duke admitted quietly, glancing at the framed adoption certificate on the wall, proof that Nathan was officially Jean's father.

"Glad she seemed okay with it."

"Yeah."

"So." Nathan pulled Duke closer for a kiss. "Romantic getaway, just us two. Where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere _quiet._  Somewhere without any tourists."

"Camping?"

"Camping?!" Duke couldn't have looked more horrified if he'd tried.

Nathan laughed until his sides hurt.

"Oh.  Good. You were joking.  But just to be absolutely clear - no.  No camping."

Nathan grinned widely. "How's this. Take the truck, drive North, find some tiny little town no one knows?"

“Perfect.  Quaint little B and B, bar nearby for food, walks in the forest or by the ocean…”

"Friendly people, fun shops, good food." Nathan smiled.

Duke leaned in to kiss him. “Exactly. Are we planning or just jumping in the truck and seeing where we end up?”

"Could be fun to just see what happens." Nathan kissed him softly.  "Kinda been a theme with us."

“Sounds good to me,” Duke said, dragging Nathan over to the couch and pulling him down for a cuddle.

Nathan wrapped himself around Duke, hugging him close.  "Have I told you lately that my life with you is the best life I could ever live?" he said softly.

"That...thank you, that means a lot to me."

"It's true. This life - you, Jean, James, everything - this is everything I've ever wanted.  And more than I even could have dreamed of wanting."

Duke kissed him softly. "Good. I'm really glad I can give you that because you give me so much too."

"I want to give you everything.  You and the kids, I'd give you the world, I'd do anything to make you happy.  You deserve it."

"You do. Make me happy. Make us happy. You don't - you don't need to do anything else, just...be you."

Nathan leaned in and kissed him, slow and soft but thorough.

Duke melted against him, his fingers curled around the back of Nathan's neck to keep him close.

"Love you so much, Duke."

"Love you too, Nate. Always."

"Always and forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where we decided to leave them - a happy family with a bright future. Thank you to everyone who's come with us on their journey, and especially thanks to everyone who's left kudos and comments. Love you all 💙


End file.
